How should conflict in the church be handled?

He could not bear that another should know it. It is not here the case of a sin known to a great many, but some personal trespass only known to you two. Go, then, to him and tell him his fault between you and him alone. A thing, no doubt, very contrary to the flesh, which would ever demand that the offender should first come and humble himself, or that would act on the worldly ground of not troubling itself about the man, but let him go from bad to worse. Love seeks the good, even of the one who has done ever so wrong. "If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother." Love is bent upon gaining the brother. It is always so to him that understands and feels with Christ. It is not the offender, but thy brother that is the thought before the heart. "Thou hast gained thy brother." "But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established." Is it possible for him to resist one or two who come to him, witnesses of the love of Christ? He has refused Christ pleading by one, can he refuse Christ now that he pleads by more? He is sought again. Will he refuse? It may be, alas! that he will. "And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church." The Church means the assembly of God in the place to which the man belonged. "If he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."

Then the Lord applies it to our practical conduct. Supposing your brother does you wrong; an evil word, perhaps, or an unkind action done against you — something that you feel deeply as a real personal trespass against you; it is a sin, of course. Nobody knows it, probably, but himself and you. What are you to do? At once this great principle is applied: When you were ruined and far from God, what met your case? Did God wait till you put away your sin? He sent His own Son to seek you, to save you. "The Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost." This is the principle for you to act upon. You belong to God; you are a child of God. Your brother has wronged you? Go you to him, and seek to set him right. It is the activity of love which the Lord Jesus presses upon His disciples. We are to seek the deliverance, in the power of divine love, of those who have wandered from God. The flesh feels and resents wrong done against itself. But grace does not shroud itself up in its own dignity, waiting for the offender to come and humble himself and own his wrong. The Son of Man came to seek the lost. I want you, He says, to be walking after the same principle, to be vessels of the same love — to be characterized by grace, going out after that which has sinned against God. This is a great difficulty, unless the soul is fresh in the love of God, and enjoying what God is for him. How does God feel about the child that has done wrong? His loving desire is to have him right. When the child is near enough to know the Father's heart he goes out to do the Father's will. A wrong may have been done against him, but he does not think about that. It is his brother who has slipped into evil, and the desire of his heart is to have the brother righted who had gone astray — not to vindicate self, but that his soul may be restored to the Lord.

It is noteworthy that personal trespass between brother and brother is the first disturbing element mentioned in Scripture in connection with the gathering together of the saints to the name of the Lord Jesus, and He proceeds to lay down in the most simple and explicit manner what is to be our line of conduct under such circumstances. Let us carefully consider these important communications. "If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone." Mark well, in the first place, there is to be no making light of the trespass: "Tell him his fault." In the gospel of Luke (Luke 17:3) it is even stated more strongly than this: "If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him: and if he repent, forgive him." The natural course might be to avoid him, and to say nothing to him about his fault; or we might be determined in our own mind to bear the injury in longsuffering towards the offender, and, as it is sometimes expressed, "try to live it down." Such might at first sight seem very plausible, and have the appearance of grace on my part; but it omits one all-important item of consideration; viz., the spiritual condition of my offending brother; and whoever may commend it, it is certainly not the Lord's way of treating the matter. Besides, staying away from my brother might leave a tinge of bad feeling in my own heart; and even if it did not, am I to rest while knowing that the conscience of my erring brother is defiled? (See Lev. 19:17.) No. I am to go and plainly lay his fault before him; for if he is to be truly recovered it must be through the exercise of conscience and the judgment of his state before God. "Go and tell him his fault" are words that cannot very well be mistaken. It is not even, "Go and write him a note." Alas! who can measure the mischief that has come in among God's people by this very thing, either through ignorance of the Lord's mind about such matters, or through failing to act upon it when known. To send what I think a very faithful letter may both spare my feelings and suit my pride; but He who knows us far, far better than we know ourselves says plainly, "Go and TELL him his fault."

Then, again, what wisdom and grace are embodied in the next few words - "Between thee and him alone." Yet is it not sadly too common to discuss a personal trespass somewhat more publicly than this? Perhaps there is some brother whom we know to be not on the most amicable terms with the one who has injured us. We have but little doubt that he (i.e., the brother just referred to) will lend a ready ear to the tale of our wrongs, and the danger is that, in our selfishness, we go to him, though, if we considered his soul's welfare, he would be the last person in the assembly to whom such a thing would be breathed. But it suits us better to share the story of our grievance with others, who may be ready to sympathize with us, and tell us how shamefully we have been treated, and the like, than to go and seek "to gain" the one who has done us an injustice. How is this? It is much to be feared that we are not altogether sorry to be able to inflict a punishment upon our brother by lowering him in the estimation of others. But is it obedience to the Word thus to act? Is it the Spirit of Christ? Is it not rather only another, though more subtle, form of the same flesh that manifested itself in our brother's trespass?

Next comes a sentence of the very deepest importance to us - "If he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother." Does not this let us into the secret of why I am to tell him his fault, and why it is to be between him and me alone? It is "to gain" my brother. The Lord had, just before (v. 12), been speaking of His own search among the mountains for the lost sheep, and of His joy when the straying one was brought back, in order, no doubt, that we might see the value which He put upon one of His own, and that we might learn to act toward them accordingly. Notice here that nothing is said about the redress of any wrongs. The Lord does not say that "if he hear thee, all thy wrongs shall be put right," but, "If he hear thee, thou has gained thy brother." No doubt, if grace really works in him, if he is really "gained," one of the earliest fruits of it will be an ardent desire for the redress of those injuries; but the securing of this is not to be the motive which prompts me to go to him. Leaving my wrongs with the Lord, I am to seek my brother's blessing. But this going to "gain" him will necessarily put my own soul through deepest exercises. If, in true love to him, I am set upon his recovery in a righteous way, what godly watchfulness and carefulness will be wrought in me? With what earnestness and fervent desire shall I plead for him before God! When a bird has left his cage, any rude hand or discordant voice can drive him further away; but how great the care and caution that is exercised by the one who really desires to bring him back to food and shelter! If my errand to my brother were only to pain him, the task might easily be accomplished without a particle of exercise; but if I am to gain him, then grace must work both in him and in me.

But now we proceed a step farther. Suppose that the best-intentioned efforts to restore my brother prove fruitless, what then? Am I therefore to take it for granted that he is henceforth beyond recovery? Not so. How do I know that my manner of dealing with him was not the cause of my failure? Or perhaps our interview has made the discovery to him that I have put what he considers to be an unwarrantable colour upon his conduct, or attributed motives to him which he is conscious he never had. In that case, I should only have given to him what he judges a righteous ground for resisting me, and have left him harder than I found him. I am therefore now to take with me "one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established." And even should this prove unavailing, another step is yet to be taken; the assembly must be told. If, after all this, the offender still manifest wilfulness, if repentance be not wrought in him, the word then is, "Let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican;" for there is no higher court of appeal for the saint upon earth than the "two or three" gathered to the name of the Lord. (vv. 18-20.)

The Lord says plainly, ‘But if thy brother sin against thee, go, reprove him between thee and him alone. If he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother’ (Matt. 18:15). The Lord says, ‘go’ and that is what we must do. There is nothing here about writing to the brother or taking the matter up with him from a distance.

The words ‘reprove him between thee and him alone’ are also important. We are not to broadcast what has happened, or to seek to rally others to ‘our cause’. Such actions are most unhelpful. There is to be a private face to face meeting between the two brothers concerned, with no others present. The sin involved is to be made clear and the fact that real damage has been done to their relationship. It should also be apparent by the spirit in which the whole matter is taken up that one really does want to ‘gain’ one’s brother and is ready to forgive what has been done. This is not something done only because the Lord says it must be done. There is a genuine desire that the relationship may be restored and to that end things are pursued prayerfully in dependence on the Lord and in the grace that He supplies.

"If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone." What did our meek and lowly Master intend by these words? Simply this, that the brother who has been wronged, should go to his brother in the spirit of that love which "covers a multitude of sins," and with the intention that the sin of his brother might not only be covered, i.e., remain a secret to everyone else, but confessed and judged as in God's presence, be thus entirely put away, between God and the brother who had sinned, and between the two brothers themselves, after the manner of our loving and gracious God, Whose "imitators" we are to be. He "gives freely and upbraids not" (James 1:5), and He forgives freely and upbraids not, saying: "Their sins and iniquities will I remember no more" (Heb. 10:17). The latter is far more difficult to us than the giving and not upbraiding. The intention is that the sin of the brother should be kept a secret, nay, entirely put away, before it can reach the ears of a third person, let alone the church. But if the brother will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two. One witness in the sense of love and grace, but two in the sense of wisdom, according to the individual character of the erring brother and the more or less hopeful result of your first private interview with him. In the latter case two witnesses would be more likely to impress the conscience of the failing brother, and in certain cases it would be wise, not to appear before the church as witness in your own cause, in case the matter has to be brought before the church.

But if the erring one will not listen to the church (or assembly), what then? He has hardened his heart against the tearful entreaties and remonstrances of the brother wronged by him; the united testimony of two additional witnesses has proved without effect upon his conscience; even the exhortation of the assembly has been left unheeded — what remains, some would say, but the painful necessity of church discipline? Ought he not to be put away?

A question is put as to whether this scripture has a present application. The answer is found, we judge, in the fact of the introduction of the church in Matthew 16:18. At the close of Matthew 12, the Lord in figure breaks His links with Israel after the flesh; in Matthew 13 the sower goes forth to sow, and the result is the kingdom of heaven presented in several aspects; in Matthew 14 the actual work of rejection commences with the execution of John the Baptist; in Matthew 15 Christ passes judgment morally upon the heads of the Jewish nation; and this is followed, before the display of the glory of the kingdom in Matthew 17, by the revelation to Peter of the truth of the Person of Christ, and the announcement — "And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." In these words the Lord views the church in its perfection, from, as we might say, the divine side; and consequently the term "My church" must not be narrowed, as it includes every believer of this period, from Pentecost on to the Lord's coming. Coming now to Matthew 18, the word "church," the same as in Matthew 16, has yet its own significance, as may be seen from the direction, "Tell it unto the church." To explain this, it may be recalled that the Lord often used language which could only be fully understood after the gift of the Holy Ghost. So here; and when we examine the epistles we find that a local gathering of saints is also called the church (see among many other passages, Romans 16:4-5, 16), and that such local gatherings are regarded as expressions of the whole church of God on earth. With this apostolic instruction we have no hesitation in interpreting "church," in Matt. 18:17, as a local assembly to which discipline is entrusted to be exercised in the Lord's name by the power of the Holy Ghost. But it is enquired, if the Lord had not, when using these words, the millennial congregation in contemplation? Admitting to the full the dispensational character of this gospel, that the primary application of divine words does not exhaust their meaning, and that divine principles abide through all dispensations, we cannot doubt, speaking for ourselves, that the instruction which our blessed Lord here gives belongs above all to the church period. It is further asked, however, if Col. 3:13 does not supersede the teaching of Matt. 18:15‑17, and also that of Luke 17:3-4. Examining the last passage named, we find that the forgiveness of a brother's sinning against us is to be unlimited, but that the pronunciation of the forgiveness is to be made on confession, on his saying, "I repent." Turning to Colossians, we shall see that it is quite another aspect of the subject: "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel ["complaint"] against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." Here there is not a word, as will be at once seen, of confession or of the bestowment of forgiveness; in fact,. the passage deals entirely with the state of soul which should be cherished by us when we have matters of complaint against our brethren. It teaches, in other words, that however our brother may sin against us, we are always to hold him in our souls as forgiven. Luke goes further, and shows that it is on confession we are to express our forgiveness; and hence it is by the combination of the two scriptures we get the full truth of the subject. In support of this interpretation, it may be added, that what is enjoined on us is a transcript of God's own conduct towards us when we fall into sin. His heart never changes towards His people, but it is only on confession of their sins that they receive forgiveness. (1 John 1:9.) What has been said on Matt. 18:15‑17 will also afford the key for the interpretation of verses 18‑20; but we hope to return to this on another occasion.

In Matthew 18 verses 15-20 the Lord Jesus spoke about the time when the assembly which He was going to build would actu­ally exist on earth (see Matt. 16:18). Personal difficulties between brethren would arise and the Lord gives instructions about how this situation is to be dealt with. The matter is to be taken up with the brother concerned, by the brother who has been sinned against. There is the possibility that things may be put right and that a normal and happy relationship may once again be enjoyed. Such an outcome would mean there is no need for anyone else to know anything about it. If his brother will not hear him then he is to take one or two others that everything may be established "in the mouth of two or three witnesses" (Matt. 18:16). It is possible that his conscience will be reached by this means, even though it has apparently not been reached in the first instance. If he will still not hear, then they in turn are to bring the matter before the whole assembly. In all these successive steps the objective is to gain the brother, and no other motives are to be at work. If he will not hear the assembly then nothing more can be done to rouse his conscience and to repair the broken relationship. The brother who has been sinned against is to regard the offender "as an heathen man and a publican." This is the more solemn because what is bound on earth by the assembly is bound in heaven. God ratifies the decision of the assembly in the matter. Nevertheless, the possi­bility of recovery remains. For if these things are eventually brought home to the conscience, so that the brother is truly repen­tant and broken down in the sense of his sin and self-will, then restoration will follow. In such a case the assembly may loose on earth what it has formerly bound on earth, and God will recognise their act.

"But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established." Is it possible he may resist one or two who come to him, witnesses of the love of Christ? He has refused Christ pleading by one; can he refuse Christ now that He pleads by more? It may be, alas, that he will. "And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the Church." The Church means the assembly of God in the place to which these all belong. "If he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the Church; but if he neglect to hear the Church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican" (ver. 17). The assembly, then, is told of the guilty person's fault. The thing has been investigated and pressed home. The Church warns and entreats this man, but he refuses to hear; and the consequence is — "Let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican." A most solemn issue! A man who is called a brother in the verse before is to me as a heathen man and a publican now. We are not to suppose the man to be a drunkard or a thief; but showing the hardness of self-will and a spirit of self-justification. It may arise out of small circumstances; but this unbending pride about himself and his own fault is that on which he may, according to the Lord, be regarded as a heathen man and a publican — no more to acknowledge him in his impenitent state. And yet it may spring mainly from the spirit of justifying oneself. In the case of open sin or wickedness, the duty of the Church is clear: the person is put away. Nor would there be reason in such a case for going one at a time, and then one or two more. But the Lord shows here how the end of this personal trespass might be that the Church has finally to hear it — and it may lead to something more.

"But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established" (Matt. 18:16). This is the next step which is to be pursued in the matter. The erring one is to be visited again with one or two more who are to plead with him about his fault. It would undoubtedly be best that they should do the talking this time and seek to gain him. If he hears them and yields, the matter will be settled and no further step is necessary. But if he does not hear or yield to the pleadings and efforts of the two accompanying brothers, the case becomes more serious and another step must be taken. The case is now not just a matter of one saying this and another that, but of every word established by two or three witnesses.

Third Step - "If he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church" (v. 17). The two efforts to restore the offending brother in a private way having failed, the matter is now to be made public to the Church. It is to be investigated by the Assembly and pronounced upon. The Assembly warns and entreats this man. If he hears and repents, it is well and he will be restored to the Lord and reconciled with his brother that he trespassed against.

The next step to be taken; if the first be ineffectual, is to "take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established." These witnesses are not to establish the truth of the charge: for of this the one who has sinned is already "convicted," but to bring the influence of the truth to bear upon him the more by their confirmation. They are a jury of appeal to make him realize the gravity rather than the truth of his sin; ― a midway step between the private reasoning and the full publicity of the assembly. Love would yet spare the person, while it cannot spare the sin and therefore the present procedure.