How can I know if I am in love?

The term 'falling in love' is often used when a couple start to be friendly; this can be superficial, and we should be wary of this concept as it gives the idea of uncontrolled emotion. This could easily be lead by our old nature in a mere infatuation simply because of physical attraction, because of being continually in their company or even because of undue pressure from others. Some like to act as match makers encouraging couples who they think are suitable for each other. This is a dangerous game and has had many sad results.

Our natural desires can easily lead us into a wrong even dangerous position. Especially when we are young it is easy to become so convinced that we have found the right one that our judgement becomes blurred if not blind. There have been many who through an impetuous decision have been led into a sad relationship or led away from a path of devotion to the Lord and obedience to His Word.

This love, as we see in the Lord Jesus, involves an undeviating faithfulness and thorough devotedness to the one who is loved. If considering marriage, let the believer be not only fully purposed himself that this should be true of him, but be certain that such evidence is seen in the partner he desires.

Imperfect love will show itself otherwise — more attractively at times, but far intrinsically less true, because imperfect love will not in this way unmixedly consider its object, but itself — it will be set upon enjoying this object, rather than serving it, and this will give it a more considerate and tender bearing at times, and get for itself great credit, while perfect love has all the while forgotten itself and its enjoyments, and ordered its course and its actings in more undistracted concern and desire to have another blest and profited.

"The more perfect love is, the more entirely and without distraction will it regard its object. And this will give it, at times, a very different bearing; because its way will be determined by the condition and need of its object. Its way therefore at times may appear harsh and decisive; as when the Lord rebuked Peter (Matt. 16), as when He reproached the two disciples. (Luke 24) But this is only because love is perfect, and therefore is undistractedly considering its object. Imperfect love will show itself otherwise; more attractively at times, but far, far intrinsically, less true; because imperfect love will not in this way unmixedly consider its object, but itself. It will be set upon enjoying its object, rather more than on serving it; and this will give it a more tender and considerate bearing at times, and get for itself more credit, while perfect love has all the while forgotten itself and its enjoyments, and ordered its course and its actings in more undistracted concern and desire to have another blest and profited.

David did not have to wait long to see the sad governmental results of his sin begin to be manifest in his own family His son Ammon was so attracted by the beauty of his half sister Tamar that he became sick in entertaining thoughts of her, though he knew well that his lust was improper.

When a friend of his, Jonadab, enquired about the cause of his indisposition, he confided in him about his lustful thoughts. Jonadab had no sense of moral decency, and was so crafty as to suggest a deceitful means of Ammon's getting his sister alone into his bedroom and forcing her. Ammon foolishly followed his advice, not thinking of the probable consequences. The deceit he used reminds us of the deceit of David in trying to cover his own sin. in spite of the earnest pleading of Tamar not to force her, her warning him that this would bring disgrace upon his own head as well as covering with shame the one he thought he loved, he went through with his evil intentions. This too reminds us of David's virtually forcing Bathsheba, for he brought her to his own house and since he was king she no doubt thought she could not withstand him.

Ammon having been guilty of the cruel rape of Tamar, his professed love for her was proven utterly false, for he turned against her with vicious hatred. This is what will often occur when one is led by infatuation. He knew he had done evil, and the one he had wronged is the one who becomes the object of his worst hatred. From then on, every time he saw her, his conscience would burn. For this reason he wanted her out of his sight, just as some men are hateful enough to murder a woman after they have raped her.

Tamar realized and told Ammon that his hateful action in wanting to get rid of her was worse than his first evil (v.16). But he called his servant and told him to "put this woman out," and to bolt the door behind her. Then he was left to himself to face the bitter trauma of an accusing conscience.

But the anguish and shame of what Tamar had borne gave her grief and sorrow. She had to tear her beautiful robe with which the king's virgin daughters were clothed, put ashes on her head in token of humiliation and mourning, and went away crying bitterly. How tragically sad is the fact of the great number of young women who have been similarly humiliated by the cruelty of wicked men!

“My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.” In ‘word’ is the actual expression coming from our lips, which may be very good, but with no actions to back it up. In ‘tongue’ would rather indicate the manipulation of the words, the art of persuasive speech. How empty is this if its truth is not attested in our deeds.

“And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.” We have observed other evidences of reality in the epistle, but here is one that must be carefully considered also. Loving in deed and truth is love expressed practically, and this is itself a confirmation to our own souls of the reality of our faith: our hearts are assured before Him by such results of the new life within.

But in the verses which precede, there are some interesting points to notice, "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him"(1 John 3:18 ,19). First, knowing "that we are of the truth" (v.19), does not mean knowing that we are Christians - which has been taken to be the sense; for the persons addressed were written to because they were Christians; because they knew the Father; because their sins were forgiven them for His name's sake (1 John 2:12,13). But, being exhorted to love not "in word, or in tongue, but in deed and in truth," the apostle adds, "by this we know that we are of the truth." This is, that we are actually walking in the truth; that we are possessed by, we are, "of, the truth." Love in deed and love in truth, gives us this consciousness and assurance of heart before God. We cannot enjoy it otherwise. If there are matters between us and God, it is useless to ignore them. God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. But if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God, and receive whatsoever things we ask, because we keep His commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. It is not a question of being, or not being, children of God; it is a question of the children being on terms of happy confidence with their Father. If I owe a man a debt which I ought to have paid, there must be constraint on meeting him, but if there is nothing between us, and I believe in his generosity, I can confidently go to him with a request. Beautiful, happy condition for the soul to be in with God! This passage is a weighty one for the conscience of the believer, but its practical use has been much lost sight of through the misapplication just mentioned. The test is not as to whether we be children of God. It is one for saints to apply to their actual condition of soul. Are we thus before our God that with an uncondemning heart, we are in communion with Him, and, as a fact, habitually receiving His answers to our prayers?

Secondly, the apostle says, "let us not love in word or in tongue." This looks like tautology, but is not so. The term "logos," here translated "word," is of much wider signification than our "word." In English "let us not love in word or in tongue," certainly is repetition. But this word "logos" means, in Greek, not merely the word by which thought is expressed, but the thought itself. So that the force of what the apostle says is, that we are not to love in theory (or thought), neither in mere language ("in tongue"), but in deed and in truth.

For there is a pietistic state, by no means rare, in which emotions and thoughts are enjoyed, the truth intellectually delighted in, but without fruition. Love as a theory is held to be very beautiful - but is not practised. The heart deceives itself. This is loving in thought merely. The text in question is the converse of 1 Corinthians 13. There Paul treats of works without love; here it is, as it were, love without works, that is, mere sentimentality. But our passage crushes both of these errors: not only condemns love without deeds, but also deeds without love. It requires deeds, but the deeds must be from love; that is, not in theory, nor in talk, but in acts and in truth. Our God is love, and that alone will satisfy Him in His children - love "in deed and in truth." How penetrating is the word of God, exposing every mode in which the heart would either deceive itself or deceive others! It is sharper than a two - edged sword, laying bare the thoughts and intents of the heart. Many, in reading these verses, have supposed that the language was mere repetition; that it is not so only shows the wisdom which underlies every word of inspiration.

Next we come, not to a definition of love, but to its qualities as in this world, specified for our instruction. It is what Christ was here, active as well as suffering in love above evil. "Love is long-suffering, is kind; love is not emulous, is not vainglorious, is not puffed up, doth not behave unseemly, seeks not its own things, is not easily provoked, reckons not the evil, rejoices not over iniquity, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (Vers. 4-7.) Patience in the midst of trial is the first-mentioned attribute of love, which even shows positive kindness instead of harbouring a vindictive thought. Again, as it does not indulge in envy or jealousy of another, so there is no self-display (or, as some think, forwardness), nor the arrogance whence it springs. Hence indecorum, or rude behaviour, is incompatible with love, as it is marked by disinterestedness and slowness to anger, and by readiness to forget the wrong that is done.

"Thinks no evil" scarcely expresses the clause, but rather not having the evil in the mind and tongue. "No evil" would answer to the phrase if anarthrous. Here it is an actual evil done, which would rankle but for love, which is ever above evil, always free and always holy.

Hence love does not rejoice over unrighteousness, as malice does, too glad to cover its own evil by that of others; the joy, the sympathies, of love are with the truth, which is personified here as elsewhere. Thus love bears all vexations, believes all possible good (cf. Acts 9:27; Acts 11:22-26), hopes all, in spite of evil manifest enough at present, endures all things, persecutions or afflictions, knowing that we are set for this. God being seen in Christ raises the heart above the depressing power of evil or even suspicion.

(6) Love “does not behave in an unseemly manner”. The flesh, even when high in the social scale, can be rude and unmannerly. Love will lead the highest by birth, as well as the lowest, to be courteous.

(7) Love “does not seek what is its own”. The flesh is ever selfish and seeks its own interest. Love is unselfish and disinterested, seeking the good of others.