Why does God value the hidden person of the heart (1 Peter 3:4)?

(Vv. 3, 4). If, however, the wife is to live rightly with the husband, she must live in spirit before God. Her adorning is not to be after the passing fashions of this world, which only seek to make the woman outwardly attractive in the sight of men, while of necessity having nothing to say to the moral character, which is of great value in the sight of God. The Christian wife is to think rather of that which God sees — “the hidden man of the heart” — and adorn herself with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. This is the opposite of the vanity and self-assertiveness of the flesh which ever seeks prominence for self. Moreover, this meek and quiet spirit is to be cherished in the heart, in the sight of God. If cultivated there, it will surely form a meek and quiet character before God and men. There may be at times the affectation of a meek and quiet manner, but this is of little value unless it is the outcome of a meek and quiet spirit. Only that which comes from “the hidden man of the heart” will rightly affect the life.

Exhortation had been already given against all vanity and worldly show, but with due care that the outward apparel should express "the hidden man of the heart." No doubt the open man of his house, the predominant partner, might enjoin and be entitled to her wearing jewels or other costly array in his sphere. But here women do not usually need a husband's command. Here the word is for their own conscience. For it is not only that God, in contrast with man, looks on the heart: His wondrous light into which He called us gives the Christian woman the highest standard, and thereby enables her by grace to judge all inconsistencies in the incorruptibility of a meek and quiet spirit. This, however foreign to human nature, would not be lost even on a hard and exacting husband, Jew or Greek; for such might be the lot of those addressed, and of course the former most frequently, either of them on the watch too often to spy the faults of a Christian. But under any circumstances such a lowly spirit, seen in all its perfection in Christ, is of much price in the sight of God; and this is of all things most consolatory to the tried if faithful.

The apostle turns now to consider the sanctification of marriage. It is plain that sanctification is his theme throughout; that is to say, the being set apart to God, which is what he dwells upon here as that which was to characterize the wives, even as to their dress. Their adorning was not to be for the eyes of men, not even for those of their husbands in the first place; where the braiding of hair or wearing of gold or putting on of apparel might all be in place according to the character of those to whom they were united; but it is to God that they are set apart, therefore in that which is really in itself hidden from man, the hidden man of the heart, but which was to be manifest in "a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is of great price." This indeed it is that is to act upon their partners in life, where these might be themselves unsubject to the Word — might even refuse to listen to it; so that without the Word the behavior of their wives must speak to them. Here, surely, the husbands are in view for spiritual benefit in beholding the effect of the Word upon those so near to them — a behaviour in the fear of God, not, as he cautions afterwards, in any terror of another kind; while, nevertheless, they were to be subject to their husbands in this way as Sarah obeyed Abraham; whose children they would be in doing well. We can see how thoroughly sanctification is the key-note here. As to the husbands, he has but a word for them — that they, for their part, dwell with their wives according to the knowledge of the relationship, as God had instituted it, giving honor to the woman on the very account of her being the weaker naturally.* This is indeed what God has ordained as one of those countless ways by which He would make our dependence upon one another the means of drawing out the love to minister to the need, and thus giving blessing on both sides. But there was a higher relationship which they were not to forget: they were also joint-heirs of the grace of life, with a common dependence upon Another, which prayer expresses; and their prayers must not be hindered.

Peter gives the holy women a very good commendation, a commendation that every sister should covet. This meek and quiet spirit is most precious in the sight of God, more precious than all the outward adornments, however nice or valuable they may be. God said to Samuel "man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart" (1 Sam.16:7). Here is something that God wants from every dear sister, a life of devotedness to the will of God, a life not of outward show but a life of inward reality, a life that is pleasing to His eye (and His eye can discern as no other eye can discern). He looks into the heart, the conscience and the mind and what He approves of is a meek and quiet spirit in His sight. These holy women hoped in God.

I am going to refer to a few women in the Scriptures who exhibited this feature. While we are speaking specifically about women, that does not mean that those of us who are men are exempt from this exhortation, not at all, because it says in connection with the women "let it be the hidden man of the heart" (v.4). So this takes us all in.

Secondly, we are told in 1 Peter 3:4, what this seed produces. It is some thing which in God’s sight is of great price, namely, (2) “the incorruptible ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.” In contrast to outward adorning, this beautiful and enduring grace is to enrich “the hidden man of the heart” Those who believe are born of water and of Spirit. The Word of God is operative in such, and “that which is born of the Spirit is spirit,” we are told. This lovely and eternal ornament results—the meek and quiet spirit which is of such value to God.

Furthermore, there is a word concerning dress. The adorning is not to be outwardly in braiding of hair, wearing of gold, or putting on of apparel, but inwardly, "the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is of great price." The positive side is emphasized more than the negative. The greatest ornament a woman can wear is "a meek and quiet spirit," for it shows that in manifesting meekness and quietness, they learned and received from Him, who on earth was "meek and lowly of heart." This applies to every believer likewise. Wherever a meek and quiet spirit is manifested God is well pleased with it. What a contrast with the conditions in the world today. Women claim equality with men; in every walk of life they clamor to be heard; the female sex is breaking down the barriers set by the Creator and the Redeemer, demanding leadership in every sphere. The result will be disaster. But it must not be overlooked that here is also exhortation for the Christian woman to dress outwardly as becomes a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. There should be a difference between the daughters of the world and those who are Christ's. On the other hand, shabbiness of dress, an unclean appearance, is no more an honor to the Gospel, than a dress which is after the latest fashion of the world.

It is noticeable that in the prayers, the teaching and the exhortations of this epistle there is little or no reference to special gifts, and the exercise of public ministry in the service of the Lord. Such themes, of deep importance have their place in other Epistles: here it is that which is of yet deeper importance — the spiritual life and character of the Christian — that is the great theme. What we are, is of far greater importance than what we do. We are apt to value one another by our zeal and activity before men, rather than by our spiritual life and character before God. If a believer has gift and ability it is comparatively easy to be zealous and active in public: it calls for greater grace to live Christ in the quiet, and comparative privacy, of the every-day life. To be an energetic worker amongst the Lord's people, or in the world, may make more show; but to be a spiritual man exhibiting the character of Christ in meekness and lowliness, in longsuffering and forbearance, will carry more weight, and be of greater value in the sight of God. The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price (1 Peter 3:4). To be a Martha, with a good deal of bustling activity, is easy; to be a Mary, sitting still at the feet of Jesus, demands a far deeper spirituality. It is not that a quiet, spiritual believer will not be active in good works, but the "life" will precede the "works", and will ever be his first care. Mary, who was commended by the Lord for choosing "the good part", was also praised for her "good work". But the "good part" came before the "good work".

A meek and quiet spirit in a Christian woman — this we read "is in the sight of God of great price" (1 Peter 3:4). Of no service that men can render is such a thing said, of no labour or toil have we such an eulogium; it is fragrant to God, as was Mary's ointment, it is beautiful in His eyes as the church is in Christ's. What could Christian women desire more than this? Here is fragrance that the skill of the perfumer cannot produce, here is an ornament that no jeweller can devise, here is beauty that surpasses everything that art or nature can show, and it is enduring, for that which is of great price in the sight of God, He will preserve for ever. And this is within the reach of every Christian woman. Why should they seek great publicity in service or prominence in the eyes of men? Let them ponder over this word of God and go in for this, and as they develop and show this meek and quiet spirit they will be, by what they are rather than by what they do, of use to others, because precious to God.

We do not make little of service by making much of this. Women ministered to the Lord. Phebe was a servant of the church and a succourer of many, and women laboured with Paul in the gospel — all right and good in its place, but the meek and quiet spirit exceeds everything, it is of great price in the sight of God.

And let her guard against mere outward adornment. No doubt it was common then, as It is now, that women would draw attention to themselves by branding ornaments into their hair, wearing of expensive clothing and jewelry. Certainly it is no virtue to wear slovenly or careless dress; but neither Is showy attire becoming. Generally speaking, one should be desirous of wearing what will not draw undue attention. For it is pride that desires attention, whatever direction it may take.But much more precious than outward show, there is an adornment the opposite of this, connected with the inner motives of the heart, the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. In this is real and eternal value, no corruptibility, and of great price in the sight of God. How infinitely more precious is this then the pretty baubles that may for the moment dazzle people's eyes!

And we are reminded of the example of holy women of old, who trusted in God. Certainly, even then, there were women whose character was totally contrary, but they are sunk In oblivion, compared to those whose record is in the word of God as having a refreshing spirit of faith in God and subjection to their own husbands. Let us not fall into the devil's prevalent snare today, of considering such godly women as being "out of date:" their example remains in its moral beauty just as applicable to present day needs as to their own day.

Counterfeit piety is double iniquity. A little rusty gold is far better than a great deal of bright brass. A little true grace, though rusted over with many infirmities, is better than all the glistering shows of hypocrites. … The hypocrite is fair to look on, he has a devout eye but a hollow heart; but he who is sincere, his inside is his best side.