1 Peter 3:1–6

The word "subjection" or "subject" occurs seven times in this letter, and "suffer" or "sufferings" nineteen times. "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands" — likewise to what? To Him who took the subject place at the end of 1 Peter 2. And how blessed to know this! He who took the place of subjection here now has His place on high, with all there subject to Him, at the close of chapter 3.

Subjection, remember, does not mean inferiority. In business partnerships two men may be equal partners, and yet one of them counts as the senior, and the final decision rests with him. So in the marriage bond, creation fitted the man for the senior, directing place in the partnership, and the woman for the subject place. Yet she is an heir together with her husband of the grace of life, and she shares with him in his exercises and prayers.

There is similar instruction for wives. Theirs is the subject place — not as slaves to a master, but as women joined to their "own husbands," a most intimate and precious relationship. Because he is her "own," this is an incentive for her genuine, heartfelt subjection. Of course, if he demands that she do wrong, she must not submit. Otherwise, a spirit of cheerful subjection honours her Lord.

How often wives in this position have listened to the evil advice of others! Instead of submitting to the demands of an unbelieving husband, they have resisted him, and misery came upon them as a result. Notice that the Holy Spirit insists on obedience. He gives the fact of the disobedient husband as a reason for submission. Then there is a promise. The believing wife is to win her unbelieving husband without the Word — that is, without preaching in a public service — by her godly life of meekness and submission.

The unbeliever slights the word and has no idea of its power when the Spirit reveals Christ through it to the soul. But the practical bearing has immense weight with someone who knows neither God nor himself. His conscience can value gentleness, humility, patience and obedience in another very highly — above all when that other is his wife. He knows well how unreasonable and unkind he has often been to her. Yet she has borne it. She never complained and never blamed him, but stayed as loving and dutiful as ever. He cannot help feeling that there must be something behind the difference in her — the faith he so often mocked. This does not mean anyone can be born of God without the word; 1 Peter 1:23 forbids such a thought. But the moral weight and gracious way of the wife tell on the hard husband, and he is won to hear — all the more because she does not preach at him, as he calls it.

1 Peter 3:1 shows how unbelieving husbands may be won absolutely without the word, by the godly conduct of saintly wives.

The grace that saved us encourages faith to look to our God and Father on behalf of others who need it no less than we once did. And if He sought and saved me, a lost sinner, may I not pray all the more for my husband, dark and dead as he is? I stand in so close a relationship to him.

Her husband may refuse to let her present the gospel to him. What is she to do? She is to obey her husband as a dutiful wife and seek to win him by the silent sermon of her life. So with our other unsaved relatives. We have to give them affection and proper attention, and seek tactfully to win them for Christ.

The unbeliever treats the word lightly. He has no idea of its power, when the Spirit uses it to reveal Christ to the soul. But what he sees in practice weighs heavily with a man who knows neither God nor himself. His conscience can value gentleness, humility, patience and obedience in another person. It values them all the more when that person is his wife. He knows well how unreasonable and unkind he has often been to her. Yet she has borne it. She never complained and never blamed him, but stayed as loving and dutiful as ever. He cannot help feeling that something in her faith — the faith he often mocked — must make the difference.

This is almost a promise. Loving obedience, a consistent Christian walk and purity of life will be blessed to the conversion of ungodly husbands. Or, if it promises less than that, it still says this much: God has appointed such a life as His means of bringing the truth before their minds and consciences. And what could be more effective than showing Christ to an unbeliever, constantly and silently, by the way she lives?

This does not mean that anyone can be born of God without the word. 1 Peter 1:23 rules that out as firmly as James 1:18 and many other Scriptures do. But the moral weight and the gracious way of the wife have their effect on the hard husband. They win him to listen, all the more because she does not preach at him, as he calls it. The day will declare how many have come to hear the gospel this way.

Her godly subjection runs through her entire manner of life. That is itself evidence of the power of the Word of God over her. So she may win him without preaching the Word to him. This is far more fitting on the part of a wife. It is called "respectful and pure conduct" — in other words, a manner of life with nothing mixed into it, keeping the wholesome fear of God in view.

The word "fear" is the same word translated "reverence" in Ephesians. It teaches that her manner should show she recognises the position the husband holds in the order and appointment of God. There is no thought of slavish dread here, only the loving reverence that seeks to please and fears to offend.

It is a wonderful thing to bring a soul to God by a life. For any believer, I can imagine no higher testimony than this: a quiet walk of subjection to God has shown Christ to a soul. Thank God, many a careless husband has been converted through the silent godly testimony of a woman. She always did the right thing, because she was always thinking of pleasing God. The fear here is over the danger of overstepping one word of the Lord's — the fear of misrepresenting Him.

In the New Testament kosmos is the more general word, which in Greek writers means "order, regularity, ornament"; it is translated "adorning" in 1 Peter 3:3. The heaven and the earth, because of their order and beauty, are called cosmos, "the world."

Scripture does not tell you to neglect dress, or even adornment. On the other hand, you are to give it attention — but attention that follows the word of God. So Paul says that women should adorn themselves in modest apparel. The word could also read "moderate" or "well-ordered" dress. It is to be the kind that suits the "meek and quiet spirit," so that there is a match between the dress and the character. Ornaments are permitted too; but they are to be made, not of gold or pearls, but of good works.

It is certainly no virtue to wear sloppy or careless clothes. But showy clothes are not fitting either. As a rule, one should want to wear what will not draw needless attention. For it is pride that wants attention, whatever direction it may take.

There is a beautiful reference to fashion, because nothing changes as fast as fashion. But, the apostle says, you are to have an ornament that is always the same. Oh to own what God counts of great price — the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit! It does not show itself in the things the world notices. Only those who come into contact with the wearer can see it and understand it.

The real ornament is the hidden man of the heart, which He sees. It lies in the incorruption of a meek and quiet spirit — for outside, everything is corruptible. In God's sight it is of much price. None of those showy objects has such value, and all the gold of Ophir could not buy it.

No doubt the man of the house, the dominant partner, might demand that she wear jewels or other costly clothing, and in his sphere he has a right to. But here women do not usually need a husband's command. Here the word is for their own conscience. For it is not only that God, unlike man, looks on the heart. His wonderful light, into which He called us, gives the Christian woman the highest standard. By grace it enables her to judge everything inconsistent with the incorruptibility of a meek and quiet spirit.

The Christian wife is to think rather of what God sees — "the hidden man of the heart" — and adorn herself with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. This is the opposite of the vanity and self-assertiveness of the flesh, which always seeks prominence for self. This meek and quiet spirit is to be cherished in the heart, in the sight of God. Cherished there, it will surely form a meek and quiet character before God and men. There may sometimes be a pretended meek and quiet manner, but this is of little value unless it comes out of a meek and quiet spirit. Only what comes from "the hidden man of the heart" will rightly shape the life.

It is a beautiful thing to be able even to dress to please the Lord, because the body belongs to Him. Spirit, soul, and body are all His, and we are always to be living to God, having the eye on God, walking before Him.

Her adorning is not to follow the passing fashions of this world. Those fashions only try to make a woman outwardly attractive in the sight of men. They necessarily have nothing to do with moral character, which is of great value in the sight of God. The Christian wife is to think instead of what God sees — "the hidden man of the heart" — and adorn herself with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. This is the opposite of the vanity and self-assertion of the flesh, which always seeks prominence for self.

HIDDEN MAN — 1 Peter 3:4. What God has worked in us in new birth — a new moral being. We adorn the graces of this hidden man of the heart by obeying the Word of God.

1 Peter 3:4 tells us what this seed produces. It is something that in God's sight is of great price: "the incorruptible ornament of a meek and quiet spirit." In contrast to outward adorning, this beautiful and lasting grace is to enrich "the hidden man of the heart."

There is a beautiful allusion to fashion here, because nothing changes so fast as fashion. But the apostle says you are to have an ornament that is always the same. Oh to own that ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is of great price! It does not show in the things the world around notices. Only those who come into contact with the wearer can see and understand it.

hesuchios, 'quiet,' occurs with praus in 1 Peter 3:4, to which the end of 1 Peter 3:6 may refer: it is translated 'peaceable' in 1 Tim. 2:2. From it comes hesuchia, expressing the general idea of 'quietness'. This is what is urged on the woman in 1 Tim. 2:11-12, rather than 'silence' as the older translation puts it. See also 2 Thess. 3:12, where it stands in contrast to meddling in other people's business.

God says such a thing of no service that men can render; no labour or toil wins such praise… Here is fragrance that the perfumer's skill cannot produce. Here is an ornament that no jeweller can design. Here is beauty greater than anything art or nature can show. And it lasts, because God will keep for ever what is of great price in His sight. This is within the reach of every Christian woman.

This is completely foreign to human nature, yet it would not be lost even on a hard and demanding husband, Jew or Greek… Whatever the circumstances, such a lowly spirit — seen in all its perfection in Christ — is of great value in the sight of God. Nothing brings more comfort to the one who is tried yet stays faithful.

This ornament of a meek and quiet spirit — this ornament of great price — cannot be bought across the jeweller's counter. It is gained, as Mary found, by sitting at His feet and learning from Him. Such ornaments suit us all.

Here we remember the example of holy women of old, who trusted in God. Even then, of course, there were women whose character was the complete opposite. But they have been forgotten, unlike those whose record stands in the word of God as having a refreshing spirit of faith in God and subjection to their own husbands. Let us not fall into the devil's common trap today of thinking such godly women are "out of date." Their example keeps its moral beauty. It fits present-day needs just as well as it fitted their own.

Peter was led to speak of those in earlier times who bore witness for God in this respect… Their hope rested on God, not on themselves. Sarah stood at the head of these godly women of Israel. She was not alone, for quite a few saints had the same spirit. And she was far from forgetting the true ornaments that suit saints.

Time will leave its mark on you and on everything you own, but you may have a beauty in your home that never fades. You may fill your home with a fragrance that will not pass away. You may adorn yourself with a garment that will never grow old, one that suits you even better than your wedding dress. What is it? It is "a meek and quiet spirit which, in the sight of God, is of great price." It may be an old-fashioned adornment… It may not be fashionable in the world, but how pleased God will be with it.

If the husband is a Christian, he obeys the word and she obeys him. This is an excellent and delightful arrangement, made according to the wisdom of God. Subjection, remember, does not mean inferiority. In business partnerships two men may be equal partners, and yet one is recognised as the senior with whom the final decision rests. So in the marriage bond, creation fitted the man for the senior, directing place in the partnership, and the woman for the subject place. Yet she is an heir together with her husband of the grace of life, and shares with him in his exercises and prayers. If the husband loves and honours his wife as a fellow heir and partner, and she honours and obeys him, the result is an ideal marriage.

While we are speaking specifically about women, that does not mean those of us who are men are exempt from this exhortation — not at all. The reason is that in connection with the women it says "let it be the hidden man of the heart" (v.4). So this takes us all in.

May the Lord grant that in these last days many more Christian households may be blessed with the quiet, wholesome influence of godly housewives — true "daughters of Sarah," whose adorning is not outward… And more than that: may their homes on earth reflect the heavenly light to which they belong. As "lights in the Lord" and "children of light," they would prove by a heavenly life on earth that they are living in heaven.

Sarah is singled out here, the wife of Abraham, the man of faith. She herself is a symbol of the fruitful principle of grace at work in subjection to God. She obeyed Abraham, calling him "lord." Gen. 18:12 shows the occasion: Sarah spoke within herself, not out loud. That shows the practice was willing and habitual, not adopted because others were listening.

Sarah never thought that those words, "My lord," whispered to herself in the secret room of her heart, would reach Holy Scripture two thousand years later. The Spirit of the One who was then her husband's guest recorded them — a pattern for godly women of all ages, of genuine submission and obedience of the heart. This is how God owns and honours true obedience of the heart. And where this exists, there will always be ready submission in words and actions.

Adon (lord) first occurs in Gen. 18:12, where Sarah speaks of Abram as "her lord"; and 1 Peter 3:6 says "Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord." The common use of the word is this: acknowledged deference to the person addressed. The superiority may lie in position under a relationship — a husband addressed by a wife, a landholder addressing a foreign prince, a servant a master, a subject a king, and so on.

Sarah was quite right in calling her husband by that term. But it would have been a very poor and miserable thing if Abraham had been nothing to her but lord. No — Abraham was her husband. He had responsibilities towards Sarah, not just Sarah having duties towards him. It is a very meagre way of looking at relationships if we only see one side of them, and that the side that suits us.

Is there a gentle hint here of the time when Sarah laughed in unbelief? She had quietly overheard the LORD promise she would have a son (Gen. 18:10-15). See how graciously the Spirit speaks openly of her fitting behaviour toward her husband at that same time! Yet He did not spare her then, when she even denied her laughter. Here He only records her good conduct, and calls her children to remember it.

But the terms used are notable: "whose children you became, doing good and not being afraid of any dismay." They were far from this in their unrenewed state. The Lord Jesus does not find, but makes, us what pleases God. In those far from Him self-will reigns. They resent every wrong done to them, and their submission comes from fear, self-interest, or amiability at best. What a change faith in God's grace in Christ works! … They were not merely descendants by birth. In John 8 the Lord rebuked the unbelieving Jews as Abraham's seed but not his children — otherwise they would do the works of Abraham.

This might at first seem strange, since fear and timidity, not courage or boldness, form the woman's natural character. But natural timidity has nothing to do with the quiet courage of faith… It is true that nothing is more repugnant than mere natural boldness in a woman. Yet history in every age bears out a well-known truth, above all the history of the women martyrs during the early persecutions. The most godly, gentle, obedient and submissive women have been the very ones who showed a quiet courage of faith.

Why should they be frightened, who know that Christ's Father is their Father, and Christ's God is theirs? … The enemy works by fear; God by His love in Christ against every source of alarm.