What should I look for in an accountability partner?

"Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." Supposing a person goes altogether wrong, and is positively surprised into what is plainly evil, what then? Still the Holy Ghost presses that the spiritual should "restore such an one in the spirit of meekness." A very weighty word indeed. For, first, in case of a fall, through want of watchfulness and dependence upon God, we learn who are most adapted to meet the need. It is the obligation of all in a general way; but who are those that the Holy Ghost urges to deal well with such a case? "Ye which are spiritual." Now it does not follow that he who is born of God is spiritual. To "live in the Spirit" is a very different thing from being "spiritual." A spiritual person not only lives, but walks in the Spirit. Of course, he has the infirmities of other men, and may at times show nature; but in an obvious way, taken as a whole, through the grace of God, he has learnt to judge, not to spare self, to detect, especially in himself, departure from the Lord, and to own it frankly and humbly before God. In consequence of this habitual self-judgment, there will be far greater tenderness in dealing with sin in others. They may have a keen discernment; but where it comes to that which is real and most serious — which perhaps many would give up as making the case hopeless, and think that the person could not be a Christian at all — they, knowing more of the subtlety of the flesh as well as of the grace of God, are able to count upon His goodness, and are the very persons to deal with the evil and to restore that soul. So that you will always find in cases that call for gracious handling, it is for the spiritual, not those that are the most used themselves to trip, not those that are apt to indulge the flesh and depart from the Lord. These men some might think the most likely to deal pitifully with such as stumble; but on the contrary, those are called for who walk circumspectly and in self-judgment, as a general rule, and who are thus kept from slipping, through habitual leaning on a faithful Lord; because the very power that preserves them from going astray is what gives them to understand the grace of God and to use that grace for others. Accordingly these are told to "restore such an one in the spirit of meekness."

If I have wronged another, I confess it to him. If I go wrong and find someone more spiritual than myself, or if I get my heart engaged with anxieties and it is burdened, and I know a person who is really spiritual and has the mind of Christ, I may go and open my mind to him; but do not go to one not spiritually minded.

(Vv. 16-18). The prayer to God may be accompanied by confession to one another. There is no thought of confession to a priest or to an elder, but from “one to another”. One has truly said, “Whatever may be the state of ruin in which the assembly of God is found, we can always confess our faults one to another, and pray for one another, that we may be healed. This does not require the existence of official order, but it supposes humility, brotherly confidence and love. We cannot indeed confess our faults without confidence in a brother's love. We may choose a wise and discreet brother (instead of opening our hearts to indiscreet persons), but this choice alters nothing as to the guilty person's state of soul. Not hiding the evil, but opening his heart, he frees his humbled conscience: perhaps also his body” (J.N.D.).

The apostle then presents the principle in general as the course for all, namely, to open their hearts to each other, in order to maintain truth in the inner man as to oneself; and to pray for each other in order that charity should be in full exercise with regard to the faults of others; grace and truth being thus spiritually formed in the church, and a perfect union of heart among Christians, so that even their faults are an occasion for the exercise of charity (as in God towards us), and entire confidence in each other, according to that charity, such as is felt towards a restoring and pardoning God. What a beautiful picture is presented of divine principles animating men and causing them to act according to the nature of God Himself, and the influence of His love upon the heart. We may remark, that it is not confession to the elders that is spoken of. That would have been confidence in men — official confidence. God desires the operation of divine charity in all. Confession to one another shows the condition of the church, and God would have the church to be in such a state, that love should so reign in it, that they should be so near to God, as to be able to treat the transgressor according to the grace they know in Him: and that this love should be so realised, that perfect inward sincerity should be produced by the confidence and operation of grace. Official confession destroys all this — is contrary to it. How divine the wisdom which omitted confession when speaking of the elders, but which commands it as the living and voluntary impression of the heart!

Meet as often as possible with your friends and companions for prayer, and converse with them about the Lord's things and His interests. This will be a means of strength. The Lord has instituted Christian fellowship as an important help to our spiritual growth and blessing (Jude 20, 21). But I would again emphasize the statement: Choose companions who are decidedly for Christ.

Select only decided Christians to be your friends. Be sure your companions are strongly on the Lord's side. A man is known by the company he keeps. Stay clear of people with loose opinions and lax morals. Your companions will influence you either for good or for evil.

Spend time with spiritual and godly people. "Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before Him for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon His name." Mal. 3:16. Regular fellowship of this character has the Lord's commendation.

There is a beautiful example of this washing of the saints' feet in James. He says: "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed" (James 5:16). This is not to be busybodies in other men's matters, nor to take up things which do not concern us, but a godly concern to secure communion with the Lord for His people. It is not demanding confession, as the priest, that others confess to him; but in brotherly and mutual confidence, confessing your faults one to another, and praying one for another that ye may be healed.

But here we find another and more general instruction, which, however, also depends upon the state of the assembly. We have seen that, when all was in order, the sick person was to send for the elders; and this can still be done by calling for those who practically are elders. Only it is needful that faith wrought of God, and those acting on His part, should be there. But, whatever may be the state of ruin in which the assembly of God is found, we can always confess our faults one to another, and pray for one another, that we may be healed. This does not require the existence of official order, but it supposes humility, and brotherly confidence, and love.

Thus we learn the nature of the case supposed, the labor of love it calls for, and the result that should be the aim. One has been seized and caught by a trespass and falls into sin through lack of watchfulness and dependence upon God. This state calls for tenderness and gracious handling. The evil must be dealt with in a spirit of meekness and the soul led to judge both it and the root cause of carelessness, self-confidence, or neglect of spiritual exercises which made possible the fall. A visit is needed, a kindly talk, and the prayerful application of the Word to the erring one, as water to the feet by the Lord in John 13:5-14.

When restoration or mending of the wounded soul is the object, and when all is done in meekness by one who is spiritual and who has a deep sense of his own weakness, confession and restoration of soul will most likely follow in the majority of cases. It may not take place at once, so more than one visit and much prayer may be required. If the failure is confessed and judged and the soul restored to the Lord, the matter is settled and others need not know of it. But if the soul does not yield to the Word nor confess its wrong and is not restored, another form of discipline may be required.

Galatians 6:1 instructs us: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." It is in a spirit of meekness that the erring one is to be dealt with and not in any spirit of being better than he. Notice that the aim is noted here as restoration.