What is true friendship according to the Bible?

Greater love none has than to lay down his life for his friends. The love of God in Jesus went infinitely beyond this; but then necessarily it stands alone, and it is meet that it should. We ought to lay down our lives for the brethren, as we are taught elsewhere. But where is the worth of such a theory if we fail in everyday going out of heart to common wants and sufferings of God's children (1 John 3:17-18)? The Lord at once binds love up with obedience, without which it is but self-pleasing, not having Him in it or before the soul. "Ye are My friends if ye do what (ever) I command you." It is not reconciling enemies He speaks of, but why He calls us His friends. Obedience is the character and condition. Nor does He here indicate how He stood as our friend when we were enemies, but He calls us His friends if we practise what He enjoins on His disciples.291

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). This is entirely a different thing to laying down His life for sinners; here it is for His friends; it is the intenseness of His love; I sacrifice Myself for him. He does not say, I am your Friend, but we are His friends, He was the Friend of sinners, when He gave His life for them. We are His friends when we enjoy His confidence. He is showing how we walk in and keep the place of friends, He has treated them as friends. If I have a friend I tell him what is in my mind that is not concerning him at all. I impart all my thoughts to one who is my friend. The obedient one is the depositary of Jesus' thoughts. God told Abraham the things that concerned Sodom. And Abraham was called "The Friend of God" (James 2:23). The Lord always treated His disciples according to the place they were brought into; that is, as possessing it all. He speaks to His disciples as in possession of the things, though they had not realized them in the least. This was their own stupidity. Here the Lord comes to the source and certainty of grace in order that the practical responsibility under which He puts them should not cloud: for they were there. He had put them in the place of "friends," so He says, "If you want to walk in the place that is the way"; "ye are My friends, if ye do whatever I command you." He had chosen them for this.

"Ye are My friends." Wonderful words! How deeply searching! A friend is one who is worthy to be trusted. Is this true of us? The blessed Lord is our Friend — a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother, and "who loves at all times." Never a moment when we may not trust him with every secret of our lives, He has proved Himself to be trustworthy, for He laid down His life for us. O wonderful love, passing all bounds of human thought!

But in this same gospel He speaks of His friends, "Ye are My friends" (15:14). And what shall we say of this? Is this true of all who are His sheep and His brethren? Is it true of you and me? It may be true of us, but if it is to be so we must fulfil the conditions of friendship. What is a friend? Is he not one to whom you can confide your secrets, one whom you can trust? One who knowing your innermost thoughts and most cherished hopes will not play you false, but labour in his love for you? Such a friend to us has our Lord Jesus been. We have ever been able to trust in Him; and the darkest moments of our lives when we were the most distressed and forlorn were the very occasions when His true friendship declared itself most fully. He is the friend that "loves at all times," the "friend that sticketh," yes, "that sticketh closer than a brother." But can He say this of us? What He does say is, "Ye are My friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."

But one thing that stands out in the chapter and arrests by its attractiveness is the friendliness of our Lord and the wisdom of that friendliness. There was a circle at Bethany where He was free and at home, it was He who said, “Our friend Lazarus,” not your friend, or My friend, but “our friend.” The disciples were included in that happy circle. Where friendship is true and real there is no restraint and a friend may be better than a brother. Certainly this “Friend who loves at all times” “sticks closer than a brother.” We do not reveal our secrets to strangers, but to a friend whom we love and trust we tell our inmost thoughts and unburden our cares. The basis of friendship is confidence and love.

How beautiful it is to see an example of true friendship, in Abraham. The Lord said, "Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; for I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment," and so on. Abraham was trustworthy. It is as we do what our Lord has commanded, that we continue in His love, and, like Abraham, we become trustworthy.

Fine is the description of the friend and precious just as far as it is realized. He loves at all times; sad the blank of not having one uncapricious and constant, whatever the changes of this passing scene, nearer still of a brother born for adversity, where the strain is greatest! None fills up the sketch to perfection but our Lord Jesus, who indeed in His infiniteness went beyond what lips can utter or heart conceive.

"A friend loves at all times" (v. 17). How true this is of the Lord: whether we may be fully obedient or disobedient, His love remains the same. That love may call for Him to discipline us, "for who a father loves he chastises," and we should thank God for His gracious concern in correcting us. Also, "a brother is born for adversity," that is, the Lord gives us brothers to help when times of adversity try us.

True friendship does not change. Personal feelings will often ruin a friendship when such feelings are allowed to dominate. But let us not be guilty of forsaking a friend if he should leave, at least let us not cause a separation. How precious a character is constancy, fidelity, faithfulness! In this case, while a brother spoken of here is of course a natural relative, the "friend" speaks not of natural relationship, but of another relationship willingly assumed, and therefore applicable to spiritual fellowship. Shall we dare to forsake saints whose fellowship God has given us, just because of personal feelings, irritations, jealousies? - or merely because we desire easier circumstances or more congenial fellowship? But unwavering stability will require proper self-judgment and exercise of soul: it is not natural nor mechanical.

Thus things are followed to their full result, as we have seen them traced to their hidden sources before God. How different was all with Christ! "Hereby perceive we the love" … To add "of God" spoils the sentence. There is no ground for interpolating any words. But One showed such love, and He was man as surely as God. "Hereby perceive we the love, because he laid down his life for us." If you want to know what love is, look here. This was love indeed. "And we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." The same life of which we live was in Him: ought it not to be exercised in similar love? We may not often be called to lay down our life for our brethren; but are there not plain, simple, common ways by which it may be tested every day? My brother may have need: it is no use talking about readiness to die for my brother, if I at once shrink back from meeting his ordinary and perhaps urgent necessity? There is nothing great here; it is homely, but how practical! How it puts the heart to the test, and one that might be presented any day of the week!