What is the danger in gossiping about your pastor and his family?

Consider the words of the apostle Peter. Before exhorting the saints to exercise their holy priesthood by drawing near to the Lord and offering spiritual sacrifices, he urges them to lay aside “all evil speaking” (1 Pet. 2:1). How much harm is done among the people of God by spreading rumors, perhaps true in themselves, which disparage and belittle others. Is it done to enhance one’s own image? And what shall we say of the negative criticism which is aimed at the servants of God – and which risks interfering with their ministry and discrediting their message? Even Paul had this sad experience, especially at Corinth and in Galatia. And was not the Lord Himself accused by false witnesses, and by Pharisees who asserted that He was casting out demons by the prince of demons! What a painful experience for servants of God who are attacked in this way; and what serious consequences will face those who “smite with the tongue” when they stand before the Lord to answer for their words.

One word more on the subject of the nurture of children as to intercourse and conversation. I mean the unguarded way in which parents often speak, in the presence of their children, about the foibles, or weakness, or failures of elder fellow-Christians, especially the Lord's servants. I fully grant that this is generally done from mere habit or carelessness. But, then, is not that very habit an ungodly and unchristian one, beloved? If I hear an elder Christian, in the presence of a number of young people, speak in a criticising or even disparaging way about the services and labour of one, or some of his fellow-labourers (I will not say, about his character!) what can I think about his grace, wisdom, and spirituality? The natural instinct of the young should be veneration for those who ought to be esteemed, either on account of their age, or rank and position, in which God in His government, or the Lord in the Church and His service, has placed them. May I ask you affectionately, but solemnly, beloved, what fruits can you expect from your children as to their obedience to the divine injunction: "Honour thy father and mother," if you set them yourselves the example of "speaking evil of dignities" in their presence? Are you not, by so doing, contributing to foster in their tender young hearts the spirit of the present "rising generation," spoken of in the previous portion, by ministering, though inadvertently, I grant, to their young souls the poison of a criticising spirit, which, like a mildew, falls with blasting and blighting effect upon the souls of so many young, through the carelessness of unwise, or shall we say, unspiritual Christian parents, many of whom have reaped, and will reap (unless the Lord in His grace prevent) for themselves, what they have sown unwittingly or carelessly in their children's hearts. I am sure the key for the sad conduct of the forward, uppish, and precocious children of so many parents, looked up to in the Church and elsewhere, must be sought and is found in their unguarded way of speaking in the presence of their children. Young eyes are more quick to notice, and young ears much swifter to hear than we imagine. Therefore let us be "swift to hear, and slow to speak," and may the Lord in His mercy "set a watch before our mouths, and keep the doors of our lips."

This dear brother [The "Elder." — ED.] says we deny the truth about confession of sins. Some of the thousands of persons who have heard the preaching here during the last six months, could have told that dear man otherwise, if he had taken the trouble to inquire. And, brethren, let us have no other feeling than that of thorough shame, that God's children should be found thus speaking of one another. It is my shame, it is your shame, it is his shame! We should be found loving one another, speaking well of one another. To accuse our brethren should be no act of rashness. The greatest soberness and careful examination of every statement should be exercised, specially so, when others are guided by our judgment, as I learn is the case with my brother, the Elder. Now, if "An Elder" had asked those who have heard me, they could have told him that there is scarcely one address during the last six months, which I have delivered, in which I have not brought out in some way the truth about confession of sins. Those of you who have heard me know that it is so. You see now how unsafe it is to decide upon mere hearsay evidence, or upon the judgment of prejudiced persons.

Do you suspect your brother? "Charity thinks no evil." Do you distrust him? "Charity believes all things, hopes all things" (1 Cor. 13). Or is your diffidence founded on information by some trusty brother? Ask him whether he has spoken to the brother against whom he has supplied you with that damaging information, and if he has not, offer to accompany him at once to the one against whose godly character he has raised doubts in your mind. If he refuses to do so, rebuke him sharply, and at once dismiss from your mind any further suspicious thought against the suspected one, for you have no right to entertain even the shadow of a suspicion against a fellow-believer, unless founded on undeniable facts and trustworthy witnesses. To utter or spread such evil surmisings or even only disparaging expressions about a fellow-believer, which may be done sometimes in an apparently innocent, half jocular way, is not only base and ungodly but really devilish. In many gatherings all true fellowship, peace, and blessing have been paralysed and disturbed, the "accuser of the brethren" having succeeded in impregnating the spiritual atmosphere in such assemblies with vague suspicious distrust, evil surmisings, and indistinct misgivings to such a degree that the spiritual breathing in such a thick and poisonous atmosphere became almost impossible, and terminated in the breaking up of the gathering.

If you had gone into the house of Philemon do you think you would be treated to the dissipation and failures of brother —, or innuendoes against brother — or sister —? There is no refreshment in that, that is the muck and the filth that belongs to this world, yet this kind of thing is a quite common conversation in the homes of the saints. I am not saying that right judgment has not got to be exercised, that is always permissible, righteous judgment, but the criticism that the world so often involves itself in ought not to belong to the Christian home. Sad to say we do hear of those who are lost to the ranks of the saints because of unwise criticism in the homes of the saints, where saints of God are spoken of in a way that is below the dignity of the glorious One, and below the dignity of the company that has been secured by Him. How careful we must be with our tongues in each other’s company. Philemon refreshed the saints. What a wonderful thing that was.

But to spread disparagement or discreditable imputations without a call from God according to His word, and with no effort to seek the good of the alleged evil-doers, is not only far from Christ, but beneath even a Jew. There is neither truth nor love in detraction, but constant liability to false witness: a multitude must not be followed to do such uncomely turns, any more than to favour a poor man in his cause. The nearness of our relationship is apt to lend occasion to freedom of speech, but it clearly ought rather to enforce on us the greater caution. "Speak not against one another, brethren." Entreaty or remonstrance may be called for; but angry and especially habitual depreciation is unworthy of those that bear the Lord's name. Is it to injure? How does He regard it? "He that speaketh against a brother, or judgeth his brother, speaketh against law, and judgeth law; but if thou judgest law, thou art not a doer of law but a judge." Not only the uncharitable act, but the judicial assumption which it must involve, are here exposed with transparent soundness. The brother spoken against may be innocent; the evil speaker is certainly in a false position and an injurious state. The authority which all acknowledge condemns him, at least of being censorious, usurping the seat of judgment, and disputing the authority he invokes. Nor is God mocked: for we reap as we sow, if of flesh corruption; if of Spirit, life everlasting.

That Mr. W. wrote the tract while living in the neighbourhood of my house, i.e. half an hour's walk from Kingsdown; yet never availed himself of the opportunity of personally inquiring as to the fact of certain expressions [having] been employed by me, or of the connexion in which they were used, or of the meaning intended to be conveyed by them. I ask any godly Christian, Is such conduct according to the law of Christ? Is it right to print and publish reports relative to a brother without inquiry? I press this point; because, if persons do not admit the wrongness of such conduct, [ could not walk with them in Christian fellowship. I should be thankful to have your judgment about this point.

We may be sure that the Lord would have us learn much from this scene. In Paul's behaviour we learn how we should stand for the truth at all costs; but if we have to withstand a brother, then it should be to his face, and not behind his back. Too often the reverse obtains, and the man who is judged guilty of fault is the last to hear of it, — and that perhaps only by a side wind, — while amongst others his supposed errors are freely discussed and canvassed. All this is wrong. If we have anything to say to a brother, let us go to him and say it to his own face first of all, and let us say nothing behind his back that we would not say to his face. If this rule was observed what sorrows would be saved in the Church of God, where, alas! frequently, whisperers have had encouragement rather than rebuke. God says, "A whisperer separates chief friends" (Prov. 16:23). I believe "chief friends" were more than ever cemented in holy friendship by the godly course Paul took here, and which we should all imitate.

Idle chatter leads to gossip, and gossip leads to scandal. Oh, be careful and bridle your tongue! Check the outflow. If it is the product of the new nature in you, then let it flow spontaneously (James 1:26). Words from the lips of some are as a sword to hurt (Prov. 12:18); from the lips of others they are as a honeycomb to give joy and health (Prov. 16:24).

And our hearts are no better than the hearts of the saints of old: and it is not unknown for us to meditate on things of evil report; and the next result is of course to speak evil of the one concerned, for out of the fulness of the heart, the mouth speaks; and so we become 'slanderers', and are doing the devil's own work, — helping him. We all do well to remember the Bible says: Put them in mind to speak evil of no man. (Titus 3:1-2). And again, Speak not evil one of another, Brethren. (James 4:11).

A friend of mine felt keenly that he had this evil habit, and as a remedy had a Text made to hang exactly opposite his place at the dinner table, with the words: "The brother for whom Christ died." (See: 1 Cor. 8:11). How slow we would be to listen to, or to meditate on, or to repeat evil reports of a brother, if we remembered these few words, and kept in mind how Christ loves him. Another Scripture we might remember is Proverbs 25:23: "The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue." That, I doubt not, is the Lord's way to treat most of the evil reports about the saints of God. But how lovely to see that in Philippians it speaks nothing at all about the evil side: it does not suggest that a saint of God might speak evil: but it only directs our hearts and thoughts to what is good.