What is the biblical perspective on domestic violence?

Moreover, he is to give honour to his wife, and on two grounds. First, on the natural ground, that she is the weaker vessel. There is little doubt that this reference is to the more delicate frame and organization of the woman, requiring and deserving more gentle and more tender treatment. So that just as weakness constitutes a claim upon strength for consideration and support, so the wife as "the weaker vessel" has a claim upon her husband for thoughtful, loving watchfulness and care. He is to give her honour by rendering her all the attention which her more delicate nature requires. It is possible, however, that there may be a reference to the fact that "Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression" (1 Tim. 2:14), that she thus showed herself to be "the weaker vessel," by being the first to fall through the subtlety of the devil. More easily acted on, especially through the affections, she thus needs and demands from her husband vigilant and tender care to shield her from the peculiar temptations to which, with her weaker nature, she is constantly exposed. But, secondly, this exhortation is grounded in grace as well as in nature, "as being heirs together of the grace of life." In Christ there is neither male nor female. (Gal. 3:28.) All natural distinctions therefore, as constituting any relative superiority in Christ, are abolished. While therefore the husband claims the natural obedience of his wife, he must never forget that, if they are both children of God, they are together "heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ." (Rom. 8:17.) And as such he is to give honour unto his wife; for these natural ties, and these relative connections, are only for earth; and when the Lord comes to receive His people unto Himself, husbands and wives will alike be caught up together in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air; and then both will be like unto Christ, and be for ever with Him.

Attention to this injunction is the more needful for the reason given, "that your prayers be not hindered." It is pre-supposed that husband and wife will habitually unite in prayer; and hence the warning is, that any failure in the husband to give honour unto his wife will tend to disturb harmony of feeling, and thus to hinder prayer. It were well if all Christian husbands and wives would often ponder these words. For in the activities of this present time there is great danger of neglecting this united prayer; and the slightest disturbance of concord will ever tempt them to neglect it the more. Satan knows this, and hence he ever seeks to cloud over the peace of these relationships; for he does not forget that it is impossible for husband and wife to go together to the throne of grace when there is the smallest discord in their hearts. The husband must watch against this snare, remembering the importance of their prayers not being hindered. For how many things are there constantly occurring in every family which need to be spread out before God! And how blessed it is when husband and wife can go together, with one heart, concerning every difficulty and perplexity, to the throne of grace!

(4.) There is one thing the husband is taught to avoid: "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." (Col. 3:19.) It might be thought that if the 'love' were secured there would be no place left for the 'bitterness.' But is it so in the actual experience of life? Many a husband who truly loves his wife drops, in moments of unwatchfulness, when out of the presence of God, hasty words, which are as bitter as gall to a tender heart. The object of the warning seems thus to be to secure the constant exercise of a spirit of self-judgment, so that the husband may avoid everything that might fret or irritate the spirit of his wife. Bitterness-whatever the provocation-is to be carefully eschewed; and it will be done the more easily if he but remember his responsibility to love his wife, even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it.

Next comes the word to the husbands. "Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them." v. 19. The wife needs not to be exhorted to love her husband; it is assumed that therein her affections are all right. But it is very possible the husband might allow anxiety and outward pressure of life so to occupy him that he might not take sufficient care of his wife or interest in her anxieties; accordingly, this is the exhortation for him. The wife is necessarily thrown upon her husband; she leaves father, mother, and all, and is cast peculiarly upon her husband; and if he be not watchful, he may fail in thoughtful love, in the attention of every day, not sufficiently guarding his temper, which seems to be what is meant by being "bitter." There should be this affection for the wife, this vigilance against the influence of circumstances; the outward world might often occasion irritation, and then the husband is liable to vent his spleen at home, especially on his wife. This is human nature and what we know too often happens; but it is not Christ; and here it is guarded against. "Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them." Let none presume to think it needless.

Ephesians 5 has told us, "Husbands, love your wives." Colossians 3:19 ads: "and be not bitter against them." Love ought only to increase as the years pass, not because of the worthiness of the object, but because of communion with God. The tenderness of proper care, forbearance, understanding, concern for the purest blessing of the wife, should characterize the husband consistently. Let each Christian husband challenge himself whether this is so, and if not, make no excuse, but obey the Word of God.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord" (Eph. 5:22). This is the Divine order. The husband is the head of the wife, and while she is free to make suggestions for consideration of her husband, yet in matters of importance he is to make the final decisions. He is wise if he leaves to her the many minor decisions of homemaking, and to act with due consideration of her preferences also. But it is her very glory to know how to submit with gentle grace and cheerfulness, even if her wishes are not followed.

This is another section of Colossians, which deals with particular relationships which are connected, not with the new creation, but with the first creation. All believers have a vital part in the new creation, but they are not on this account relieved of the responsibilities of earthly relationships, no matter how greatly we enjoy the new creation. In fact, such enjoyment should render us all the more diligent and faithful in these. temporary relationships.

The willing submission of wives to their husbands is first spoken of as a normal, suitable attitude "in the Lord." It is the proper character of the relationship into which she has voluntarily entered - a relationship that holds wonderful blessing for those who regard it rightly and who appreciate the grace of God that has established the sacred marriage union between two believers.

Husbands are no less responsible. They are to love their wives. Let them make no excuse for not doing so! They are not told to enforce their wives' submission, but real love for the wife would encourage her submission. It is a sad necessity that requires the added words, "do not be bitter toward them" (v.19). Often a husband expects his wife to measure up to a certain standard, and if she does not, he may disobey Scripture by being bitter toward her. He may well ask himself, what standard does he himself measure up to? -- for it is not the standard of Scripture. His bitterness will certainly not encourage either her love or her submission to him. If he obeys Scripture by truly loving his wife and not being bitter toward her, this is the only way he will influence her attitude ;and actions for good. On the other hand, the obedience of the wife to Scripture in practicing a gracious submission of faith will go far in properly influencing her husband.

(V. 7). The Christian husband is to dwell with his wife according to the knowledge of the relationship as instituted by God, and not simply according to human thoughts or customs. He is to honour her as the more fragile being, and therefore requiring greater care and protection. Whatever differences there may be as to constitution, they are heirs together of the grace of life. The husband is therefore to pay all honour to the wife, so that no cloud may arise between them to hinder their prayers.

And husbands are certainly not to take advantage of their wives because of their subject place. They are rather to "dwell them (not above them) according to knowledge, in sober recognition of what is right and proper. And because the wife is physically the weaker vessels the husband is to give her honor for the stronger is certainly responsible to support the weaker. Let him show every true consideration for her welfare. In the world today, because! of man's abuse of his authority, women have suffered, and now have turned in resentment of this, demanding equal rights, etc. But neither of these abuses is right and Christians, whether men or women, should properly realize their place, and keep it, also faithfully discharging the responsibilities of that place.

Husband and wife then are to consider themselves "heirs together of the grace of life." This is not heirs in reference to blessing (of which Romans 8:17 speaks), but, in reference to receiving from God present grace to live in devoted obedience to Him. Let us make full use of this precious heritage of "the Grace of life." In this spirit of proper consideration for one another there is a preserving character, so that the prayers of the husband and wife together are not hindered.

And the husband is exhorted next. He is not told to claim submission, or to insist upon it as his peculiar right. He is exhorted to give the wife honor as the weaker vessel, hence he must show to her, as the weaker one, kindness, tenderness, consideration and loving sympathy, as we read in Ephesians: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church." The believing husband and the wife are "heirs together of the grace of life." Where this is practised there will be sweet companionship and fellowship in the Lord, nothing hindering them from bowing the knees together in His presence, expressing together their praise, their mutual needs and those of others.

Husbands, on the other hand, are prone to think and make much of their position and rights as the head of the wife, losing sight of the fact, that the divine injunction in our chapter (and in other portions of Scripture) is not, to maintain their position, or assert their claims and rights connected with it, but to love their wives. Is it because God does not care whether they maintain their proper place in the family or not? Nothing could be farther from His intention. He is, as we have seen, not a God of confusion, but of order, and wills every one to be just in the place where He has put us, and a husband who does not know how to maintain the place, where God in His providence has put him, is a pitiful sight indeed. But true as it is, that God will have us to fill the place in which He has set us, and holds us responsible for doing so, He never tells us to assert our rights or claims upon those in family relationship with us, but to fulfil our duties towards them, because we are always far more prone and ready to think of our rights, than to mind our duties.

The Christian husband, whose heart, during, perhaps, a cloudy and stormy day, has been pillowed on Christ's love, and sunning itself in the warmth of that love, does not, on his return, frown his wife into silence, submission, and obedience: but he loves her into it, and the only way he forces her into it is by his own example in submission and dependence upon Christ the Head, and obedience to His Word.

We have found Him the One whose thoughts always are characterized by "Lo, I come to do thy will, O God;" and in the good pleasure of His will Christ became the shelter of the Church. That is a solemn word, when one looks around the world on all the miseries of domestic life, and sees how little the husbands know how to be the shelter of the wives; how little, as individual Christians, we know how to walk like Christ, to say, "This must be done because it is the will of the Father. That must not be done because it is not the will of the Father," and at the same time to be the perfect shelter. The wife should have to recognize, "This is the Father's will." What a change it would make with wives if we that are husbands could take that ground, able to say, "My wife sees I am will-less: as to all unimportant things, let her have her own way! "If I am in the intelligence of Christ, I see how He connects this relationship of the human family with His own relationship to the Church; and I am sure, if I can lay aside my own will and take up His only, I may reckon on having the constant flowing of the water of refreshment. My arm ought to be like the wing of the hen for her chickens, the place of shelter. Of course with that comes authority, but that is not burdensome. She would say, as he, in all unimportant things, where the glory of the Lord is not concerned (there she would have to stand firm as a rock), "This is but a passing thing, and an opportunity of being subject."