What is a good wife according to the Bible?

The final portion of the book of Proverbs is a description of the virtuous woman. This section is quite different from the rest of the book, like many Psalms and the Lamentations it is alphabetically arranged. The virtuous woman, who is far more valuable than rubies, is described in her home as a faithful wife, a painstaking mother and the competent mistress of her household. There is no need to allegorize this description and apply it to the Church, as some have done. But this virtuous woman stands out in prominent and bright relief--a relief against the descriptions of "the strange woman," the adulteress so repeatedly mentioned in Proverbs (2:16-20; 5:1-23; 22:14; 23:27, etc.). One of the proverbs is expanded in this beautiful picture drawn by the Spirit of God: "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the LORD." But how few of the modern women reach this ideal! How few among Christian women measure up to it!

Does the question of verse 10 not imply that a virtuous woman is not to be found everywhere, just as another question is raised in chapter 20:6, "A faithful man who can find?" Virtue does not only refer to moral purity, it is evident, but to all the characteristics of faithfulness, diligence, dependability that the chapter outlines. How refreshing to see in any good measure these qualities in a woman. But it is impossible apart from the grace of God having wrought in her heart. No material price can possibly give a recompense for her. The precious red ruby, or many of them together have no comparison to her worth. But are we not given a veiled hint here that her value is only measured by the precious blood of Christ, the price of her redemption? It is He Himself who has placed this value upon her: His heart safely trusts in her: He will have no lack of spoil, that is, no lack of gain through her. Not only will she refrain from harmful things, but "she will do Him good," as the good servant who reports to his master, "Lord, thy pound hath gained ten pounds." She is too busily occupied with good to allow time for even worthless things, let alone evil things. And this continues "all the days of her life:" there is no growing weary of diligent devotion.

“Who can find a virtuous woman?” or “worthy woman”, or “woman of worth”, as some would read it. The word virtuous here is elsewhere translated ‘worthy’ (see Ruth 4:11; 1 Kings 1:52). It means, according to the lexicons, able, valorous; or embraces, perhaps, something of the meaning of all three words — virtuous, valorous, able. Such a woman who can find? “for her price is far above rubies” — the most precious gem known to the ancients. The acquisition of such a treasure is beyond all price; a wife of this description cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighed for the price thereof. It cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire. The gold and the crystal cannot equal it; and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of fine gold. No mention shall be made of coral, or of pearls, for she is herself a pearl, and a type of her who is to Christ the “pearl of great price”: His loved and blood-bought Church. The topaz of Ethiopia shall not equal the worth of such a woman.

The description of the model wife here is in the form of an acrostic, embracing as it does the whole Hebrew alphabet of twenty-two letters. Christ Himself is “the Alpha and the Omega” (the A to Z, in English), exhausting human language, as it were, in the attempt to tell the infinite glories of His person — His moral excellences, coupled with His might, His majesty, His dominion, His grace, His justice and His truth. And here, in this description of her who is intended to represent His church, His spouse, the whole gamut of the alphabet is run to express her moral and domestic virtues and womanly excellences.

Seven things — the perfect number — are specifically noted of her. Her faithfulness (vv. 11-12); Her industry (vv. 13-15); Her thrift (vv. 16-19); Her benevolence (v. 20); Her providence (vv. 21-25); Her moral excellences (vv. 26-27); and Her reward (vv. 28-31).

He is warned against lust and drink, and then comes a wonderful description of a virtuous woman. Her husband’s heart trusts her. She is industrious. She is farseeing. She rises early and retires late, so great is her energy. “Strength and honour are her clothing.” Her speech is wise and kind. Her children rise up and call her blessed, Her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:30 (Shin). "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." The favour of the world is deceitful, like natural beauty it does not last; but the woman who, in reverential fear, seeks to please the Lord, shall have a satisfying and praiseworthy life. And this is true for us all.

Proverbs 31:10 (Aleph). "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies." The word virtuous here has the sense of devoted and thrifty; she is a woman with a high regard for the position she occupies by reason of her relationship with her husband. We might well, in the light of this, ask ourselves, How much do we realize and value the high dignity conferred upon us as having been brought into association with Christ? and how much are we concerned with His interests during His absence as being completely devoted to Him? The price of one so devoted is above the price of rubies.

Proverbs 31:11 (Beth). "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." The church as a responsible witness to Christ has proved a sad failure; she has neglected His affairs; but although there has been this collective failure, Christ looks to each one of us individually to be faithful to Him, with His heart safely trusting that we shall seek only what concerns Him.

(2.) The Scriptures also point out the manner in which the wife should comport herself towards her husband. "Let the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Eph. 5:33.) Peter, in like manner, speaks of the wife's "chaste conversation, coupled with fear." (1 Peter 3:2.) The word "fear" is the same as that rendered "reverence" in Ephesians, and teaches that there should be a recognition, manifested in the deportment, of the position which the husband occupies in the order and appointment of God. There is no thought of slavish dread, but simply the loving reverence which seeks to please, and fears to offend. This indeed will naturally spring from her giving her husband his true place — his place as her head; and hence, in yielding him reverence, she magnifies also the appointment of God.

It is in such a wife that "the heart of her husband will safely trust. … She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life;" and he will thus be drawn to confess that "in finding a wife, he found a good thing, and obtained favour of the Lord." (Prov. 31:11; Prov. 18:22.)

Proverbs 31 is a lovely commentary on verse 4, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband." In the New Testament, Priscilla is clearly a lovely example (Acts 18:26). In fact, though in cases of public importance, Apollos is mentioned first, yet otherwise Priscilla has the first place, evidently because being outstanding spiritually. On the contrary, a wife who causes shame "is like rottenness in his bones." This was sadly true of Jezebel, wife of Ahab (1 Kings 21:25).

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord" (v. 22). This is normally true, for as the Lord said in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that man should be alone." There are exceptions, as we well know, for sometimes wives become virtual snares to their husbands, as for instance Jezebel, who stirred up her husband Ahab to do evil (1 Kings 21:25). But Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a lovely contrast to this example of evil, showing the great blessing of finding a virtuous woman. But it is not a man's good character that deserves a virtuous wife, but rather the favor (or grace) of the Lord that brings her to him.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” Her speech is in all wisdom — there is “neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient”. But though in her conversation chaste, she is not austere; for “the law of kindness” is in her tongue. Her conversation is always in grace, yet seasoned with salt. There is a way of speaking which is as the piercings of a sword; and on the other hand there is a class of speech that is all honey. Both extremes are by this favoured woman happily avoided; while kindly in manner and tone, there is no winking at or smoothing over wrong or sin. “She looketh well to the ways of her household” — there is the faithful exercise of discipline in the circle of her own. Some would discard discipline entirely in the church — the house of God. Not so this noble helpmeet of her Husband; she watches carefully the conduct of those beneath her roof and under her authority. And there are those set in the church “who watch for our souls as those that must give account”. “Good, easy man” does not describe the “man of God”; he threatens to come “with a rod”; if remonstrance and loving admonition fail.