She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and upon her tongue is the law of kindness.
The closing verses of Proverbs paint a portrait of a woman of worth. After her hands, her household and her clothing, the writer turns to her mouth — to what fills her speech and what governs it.
Her wisdom shows first in what is missing from her speech:
Foolish talk and joking were unknown to her. She took no part in idle gossip or useless conversation. Instead, her words of wisdom brought grace to others. There was nothing hard or stern about her, for kindness flowed from her tongue to everyone around.
The verse says she opens her mouth. One writer finds a balance in that:
We have already seen that this precious soul is a worker, not a talker. Yet there is a lovely moral balance here. She knows how to give "a word in season", so when she does open her mouth, it is to speak words of wisdom. This compares with 1 Peter 4:11: "whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God." If we obeyed this instruction, how much evil and emptiness we would avoid, and how much good we would do!
Calling kindness a law sounds strange. The same writer explains what kind of law it is. (The ESV renders the phrase "the teaching of kindness"; the older translation these writers use has "the law of kindness.")
"The law of kindness" on her tongue is no doubt a deliberate contrast to "the law of commandments expressed in ordinances" (Eph. 2:15). Legality has no place at all in her character: her words of grace match her gracious actions. If this is called a "law," it simply shows that it is her settled principle of conduct. It is far from looseness and from indulging evil, but it is firm in kind consideration of the needs of others.
Kind words can slide into flattery. Another writer sets the verse between two faults of speech:
Her speech is in all wisdom — there is "no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place." But though her conversation is pure, she is not harsh; for "the law of kindness" is on her tongue. Her conversation is always in grace, yet seasoned with salt. There is a way of speaking that stabs like a sword. On the other hand, there is a way of speaking that is all honey. This favoured woman avoids both extremes. She is kind in manner and tone, yet she never winks at wrong or sin, or smooths it over.
The New Testament asks older women to teach what is good. One writer uses this verse to say what that teaching is:
Set next to "not slanderers" and "not enslaved to much wine," it seems to mean that what older women say and pass on should be good and wholesome (as in Proverbs 31:26). This phrase does not describe a woman teaching "standing in front of an audience" or "behind a lectern" or "presenting the Word of God." That would contradict 1 Timothy 2:12, and no New Testament example shows it. It refers more to practical teaching, not the exposition of the Word of God.
Verses 10–31 form an acrostic: each verse starts with the next letter of the Hebrew alphabet. One writer sees a larger meaning in that design:
Christ Himself is "the Alpha and the Omega" (the A to Z, in English). He exhausts human language, as it were, in the effort to tell the infinite glories of His person — His moral excellences, together with His might, His majesty, His dominion, His grace, His justice and His truth. And here, in this description of the one who is meant to represent His church, His bride, the whole alphabet is run through to express her moral and household virtues and her excellence as a woman.
- Silence first. Gossip, empty talk and crude joking are absent. What she leaves out comes first.
- Wisdom next. She is a worker, not a talker. When she does open her mouth, she gives a word in season, as one who speaks the words of God.
- Kindness as law. Kindness on her tongue is a settled principle, not a rule forced on her. It is the opposite of legality, yet it never indulges evil.
- Salt with the honey. Her words are neither a sword-thrust nor all honey. She is gentle in tone, yet she never smooths over sin.
- Reach. Older women teach what is good with such words. Read as a picture of Christ's church, this verse makes a wise, kind tongue a public good, not a private virtue.
She surveyeth the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
One line in this long portrait of a woman of worth sums up her days: what she keeps her eye on, and what she refuses to live off. Commentators hold the two halves together, oversight and hard work. They apply both to the home, to the church, and to anyone responsible for others.
The phrase "looks well" carries the sense of active oversight, not passive presence. One writer finds a balance here that refuses both harshness and softness:
There is a way of speaking that is like sword thrusts, and on the other hand a way of speaking that is all honey. This favoured woman avoids both extremes. She is kind in manner and tone, but she does not wink at wrong or smooth over sin. "She looks well to the ways of her household" — there is the faithful exercise of discipline in her own circle. She keeps a careful watch on the conduct of those under her roof and under her authority.
Watching a household includes watching what parents allow. One writer presses the point through Eli, a priest in Israel:
How often we excuse our children for things we would not do ourselves, letting them form friendships and connections at school or at work that are contrary to the ways of the Lord. Eli argued with his sons about their behaviour, but God judged him because he did not restrain them. Eating the bread of idleness gets us into all kinds of mischief; the Lord has plenty for each one of us to do for Him.
Leslie Grant takes the word "household" beyond the family home, and shows what the second half of the verse will cost:
The household is where the character of those inside shows fully. No doubt we are meant to apply this to "the household of faith." In the church as the house of God we look for order, government and proper discipline. Here again is a sphere we must not be guilty of ignoring. But along with this, "she does not eat the bread of idleness." It will take all our energy of faith to keep up both a true gospel witness and proper care for the house of God. We shall have no idle time. It is like a mother who must keep watching the ways and tendencies of her children, if she is to preserve them in faith and love from the traps of sin and disobedience.
"The bread of idleness" is food no one worked for. Knapp applies it to the feeding of the soul, and points to the manna in the desert:
The days are evil and it is no time for ease or idleness. "Do not be slothful in zeal." The Israelite in the desert had to rise early to gather the manna while it was still morning, or go hungry. Christians must be just as diligent in feeding their souls. They are not allowed to eat the bread of idleness and prosper in their souls at the same time. "In all toil there is profit," and this worthy wife will in the end receive a full reward for her unselfish work and thoughtfulness for others.
Empty hands do not stay empty. William Kelly traces where free time goes, and sets the pattern of Christ against it:
The Master was never an idle busybody, and no true servant is. For love in a world of misery delights to serve, instead of demanding service from others, as pride and sloth do. The Son of Man came "not to be served but to serve"… Those who do no business are apt to become busybodies. The apostle warns them sharply. Leisure from work is time for mischief, and meddling in other people's affairs without any duty to do so is itself mischief.
Commentators differ on how far this portrait reaches beyond an actual woman. Some have read her as a picture of the Church. Gaebelein rejects that, and points instead to a contrast that runs through the whole book:
There is no need to allegorize this description and apply it to the Church, as some have done. But this virtuous woman stands out in bright contrast — a contrast with the descriptions of "the strange woman," the adulteress mentioned so often in Proverbs. One of the proverbs is expanded in this beautiful picture drawn by the Spirit of God: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD."
- Watch — "Looks well" means real oversight. She watches those under her roof, and she never winks at wrong.
- Restrain — Eli watched but never corrected. He argued with his sons, did not restrain them, and God judged him for it.
- Work — The other half of watching is work. No one eats the bread of idleness and prospers in the soul at the same time.
- Beware — Idle time does not stay neutral. Those who do no business become busybodies, and leisure from work is time for mischief.
- Reward — Both halves reach the household of faith, where order and witness leave no idle hours. There unselfish work receives its full reward at the end.