What does Proverbs tell us about a child left to himself (Proverbs 29:15)?

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.''

If one is not wise, he will not learn wisdom by mere education: the rod and reproof are imperative needs. They may not be taken kindly at the time, for they are intended to hurt. A child needs this, as does also a child of God when disobedient. God may use providential means to chasten and scourge us and we know it is for good. If a child is left to himself, his ignorance will lead him badly astray, so that the shame of it will come upon his mother's shoulders. The child of God may well thank his Father that He does not leave us to ourselves, but "scourgeth every son whom He receiveth" (Heb. 12).

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

It is a sure and solemn thing that folly is no calamity from without, but bound in the heart, and this not only when in the conflicts of busy life, but from our early days, departed as all now are from God by nature. "Folly is bound in the heart of a child"; exemption there is none from the most tender age. Nor does the utmost love or care adequately restrain folly. There is the rod of correction to drive it far away by Jehovah's prescription and with His blessing. It is the folly of a father or mother to think their way better than God's.

It is sad to turn from Hannah's son to Eli's sons. "His sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not." (1 Sam. 3:13). The wickedness of Eli's sons is too well known to make it necessary for us to enter into the details of either the sins or the judgment. The Lord Himself has summed it all up in the verse just quoted, and He has given us the reason for both sins and judgment: "He restrained them not." Eli was ninety eight years old, and at that time remonstrated with his sons, but it was too late, "They hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the Lord would slay them." (1 Sam. 2:25). There is, perhaps, no passage in the Scriptures that should speak more solemnly to the hearts of us parents than this sad story; may we each one heed it, and learn the lesson. Probably two or three good spankings when they were small would have saved those boys, not only from an untimely death, but their souls from hell. It is not the fashion in these days, in some quarters, to spank the children; but how clearly the Scriptures speak: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Proverbs 13:24. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15. "The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." "Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea he shall give delight unto thy soul." Proverbs 29:15, 17. "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18. These Scriptures make very clear the will of God in this most important matter. And note these Scriptures call for a really good punishment with a stick, that does not stop for the child's crying.

If we mistake not, there is very wide-spread failure in this respect, for which we have to judge ourselves before God. Whether through a false tenderness, or indolence, we suffer our children to walk according to their own will and pleasure, and the strides which they make along this road are alarmingly rapid. They pass from stage to stage with great speed, until, at length, they reach the terrible goal of despising their parents altogether, throwing their authority entirely overboard, and trampling beneath their feet the holy order of God, and turning the domestic circle into a scene of godless misrule and confusion.

How dreadful this is we need not say, or how utterly opposed to the mind of God, as revealed in His holy Word. But have we not ourselves to blame for it? God has put into the parents' hands the reins of government, and the rod of authority, but if parents, through indolence, suffer the reins to drop from their hands; and if through false tenderness or moral weakness, the rod of authority is not applied, need we marvel if the children grow up in utter lawlessness? How could it be otherwise? Children are, as a rule, very much what we make them. If they are made to be obedient, they will be so; and if they are allowed to have their own way, the result will be accordingly.

And the most serious element in this general ruin of so primary a relationship is that the parents are as much or more to blame than the children, the mothers no less than the fathers; and this neglect is confined and peculiar to no class, but is pervading every grade of the race. The multitude of societies and devices to care for the young in our day is not the least striking proof of the plague which has set in permanently; for the appalling growth of the evil called out the efforts of pious men to stem it, however superficially, by the Sunday Schools, Homes, Reformatories, and such like. And now they would fain forget the frightful root of this evil in their own class and in every other, glorifying their benevolence in so partial a remedy. Relaxation of discipline, or even its abandonment, on the parents' part cannot but breed disobedience in the children; and in the face of such a prevalent snare, all other means of correction are but the feeblest reeds to avert a gathering storm.

But it must be felt by the child, even whilst under the rod, that it is love that applies the rod. Children's eyes perceive very quickly, and their young hearts feel very acutely, even whilst under chastisement, whether love, or anger and passion, in the parent, applies the rod. In the latter case, the corrective implement will work anything but correction. Wrath provokes wrath. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." In such a case, every stroke of the rod will drive the precious object of parental chastisement farther and farther away, and alienate his poor heart from the parent, instead of drawing him nearer to you, as in the case of the chastened boy mentioned above. It is not thus God deals with us, His children, beloved. How important, to learn of Him, Who "is Light" (i.e., "Holy, Holy, Holy,") and Who "is Love," how to show firmness and authority in season, and love in season. And how important, therefore, for a parent, before applying the rod of correction, to look up with an humbled and chastened spirit, before he applies the chastening rod, and ask God, Who giveth liberally and upbraideth not, for the needed wisdom and grace, and that His Spirit of love and of discretion may guide, for His own glory, the father's hand, in applying the bitter rod of correction.

He was probably born after his father's return from Babylon, so must have had a godly training. The expression, "he forsook the Lord," would seem to indicate that he had in his earlier days professed to worship Him. His mother's name, Meshullemeth (reconciliation, or, to be safe), might have reference to his having been born subsequently to her husband's reconciliation to the Lord, or his safe return from his Babylonian captivity. This would increase Amon's responsibility, — having had such advantages, — and consequently enhance his guilt. Her father's name, Haruz (earnest) of Jotbah (pleasantness) leads to the supposition that Amon's mother, like his grandmother, must have been a good woman. But all good women do not always prove to be good mothers; and it would be no strange or unusual thing if some of these Hebrew "heirs-apparent" to the throne were permitted to do pretty much as they pleased, and in this way prepared to act the part of self-willed transgressors and rebels against God, when the time came for them to take the kingdom. For "a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Prov. 29:15).

The modern theory of allowing our children to develop their own ways, in "self-expression", can lead only to sorrow and disaster. How much better to heed the clear Word of God in this most important matter of bringing up our little ones.

Adonijah was apparently a "spoilt child." The Holy Spirit says, "His father had not displeased him at any time in saying Why hast thou done so? and he was also a very goodly man" (1 Kings 1:6). The handsome Absalom, slightly his senior, was similarly treated by David. Good-looking children are in special danger when in the hands of foolish parents. The wise king's words in Proverbs 19:18 are true for all time: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." There are many broken hearts amongst God's saints due to the neglect of parental discipline; and the dishonour to the name of the Lord is still more serious, for the house of the Christian should be like to the house of God, where the divine will alone should be done.