Withhold not correction from the child; for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die
Proverbs 23:13 speaks to a parent whose hand stops when a child needs correcting. It answers the fear behind that pause, and warns what follows when a parent's nerve fails.
One commentator hears a shift in the proverb: passing on knowledge is one thing, forming a child is another. He also weighs the word "rod" — it sets a limit as well as a duty.
Then comes the serious question of training the young, and not merely teaching them. The word is, "Do not withhold discipline from a child." But if he needs chastening for moral wrongdoing, there must be self-restraint as well as holy firmness. He is not to be beaten with a whip to his great pain or injury, but "with a rod." Beaten that way, "he will not die," but will live the better for it. On the other hand, the parent must not avoid the pain to natural feeling. Let the father fear where laxity ends, and look for blessing on a godly beginning.
The instrument matters less than the spirit behind it, and children tell the difference at once.
But the child must feel, even while under the rod, that it is love that applies the rod. Children's eyes see very quickly, and their young hearts feel very keenly. Even while under correction, they know whether love, or anger and passion in the parent, applies the rod. In the second case, the corrective instrument will produce anything but correction. Anger provokes anger. "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." In such a case, every stroke of the rod will drive the dear child he is correcting further and further away. It will turn his poor heart from the parent, instead of drawing him nearer to you.
The same writer tells of a father who corrected his son, and of the opposite result.
At every stroke of the rod, the weeping boy clung all the more closely to his father, instead of being pushed away and made a stranger to him. What a lesson to Christian parents! It is a well-known fact that parents who are not only kind to their children, but also train them in strict obedience and submission to parental authority, are always the most loved and respected by them. Over-indulgent parents, as a rule, earn from their children anything but gratitude, respect, or affection.
Scripture shows a father who withheld correction. Eli was a priest, and God traced the ruin of his sons to one failure.
"His sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them." (1 Samuel 3:13.) The Lord Himself has given us the reason for both the sins and the judgment: "He did not restrain them." … Probably two or three good spankings when they were small would have saved those boys, not only from an untimely death, but their souls from hell. It is not the fashion these days, in some quarters, to spank children. But how clearly the Scriptures speak: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die."
Commentators differ on how quickly a parent should reach for the rod. Willis urges parents not to shrink from it. C. H. Mackintosh puts it last, and says what harshness produces instead.
We cannot understand how anyone calling himself a Christian parent can treat his children harshly and cruelly as a system. It can only result in making them liars and unbelievers. They will tell lies to escape the strap. They will despise the religion connected with such excessive severity. … There are cases in which some discipline is necessary. But it should be given in a way that convinces the child that it is only for his good, and not the fruit of bad temper or arbitrary severity. The parent should lift the rod with great reluctance. It should be the very last resort.
The proverb asks a parent to do what God already does with His own. One writer lists everything the father gave his returning son, and shows where the rod comes in that order.
First came the Father's kisses of welcome. Then the best robe, the ring and the sandals. Then the fattened calf, with the music and dancing. And afterwards — the rod. The rod does not taste like the kiss, but the same love that gave the kiss wields the rod. … So it afflicts the flesh, to make the conscience judge it. And it makes the foolish heart that had given way to it return and cling more closely to the love that applied the rod.
- Love first. The same love that welcomes a child with a kiss later lifts the rod. Correction is part of love, not a break from it.
- Love trains. Teaching a child truth is not the same as forming him; the proverb moves from instruction to training.
- Love restrains itself. A rod, not a whip. The promise that "he will not die" limits the parent as surely as it removes his excuse.
- Love shows. A child knows at once whether love or temper holds the rod, and anger only drives him away.
- Love that withholds destroys. God's verdict on Eli was that "he did not restrain them," and the sparing that felt kind cost his sons everything.
thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from Sheol.
Verse 13 tells parents not to withhold correction. Verse 14 adds the reason: the rod aims at the child's soul. Commentators read it as both a limit on the parent's hand and a warning against doing nothing.
The verse names a rod, and one writer treats that word as a boundary.
Then comes the serious question of training the young, not merely teaching them. The word is, "Do not withhold discipline from a child." But if he needs chastening for moral wrongdoing, there must be self-restraint as well as holy resolve. The parent is not to beat him with a scourge, to his great pain or injury, but "with the rod." Beaten in that way, "he will not die," but lives the better. On the other hand, the parent must not shrink from the pain this costs his own feelings: "If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol." Let the father fear the end of laxity, and look for blessing on a godly beginning.
Another writer takes "he will not die" as ruling out the very thing this verse is often blamed for.
Correction might involve using a rod to cause pain, but not suffering severe enough to cause death (v. 13). Sometimes parents have been so cruel in their punishments that a child has died. Such parents would surely not be Christians. But when the child deserves punishment and the parent gives it properly, this may be the means of delivering his soul from Sheol (v. 14).
Commentators differ on how to render the last word. Some say hell; others keep the Hebrew "Sheol". One writer counted how translators handled it, including in this verse.
The Authorised Version renders the word thirty-one times as "grave", three times as "pit", and thirty-one times as "hell". So our excellent translators of 1611 did not treat it as having one fixed meaning. The old Greek translation uses "Hades" for it sixty-one times, and "death" twice — in 2 Samuel 22:6 and Proverbs 23:14.
Whatever the word covers, the verse sets a small pain now against a far greater one.
This is a Scripture that should burn its way into the heart of every parent. We often forget that God says the use of the rod helps to save our children from hell. The rod is painful for them, and painful for the parent. But how much worse for both if the child must suffer the eternal pains of hell — all for lack of a few good spankings when he was young.
A rod applied in temper does not do what this verse promises. Children read the face behind the hand.
It must be felt by the child, even while under the rod, that it is love that applies the rod. Children's eyes see very quickly, and their young hearts feel very deeply. Even under chastisement they can tell whether love, or anger and passion in the parent, applies the rod. In the second case, the corrective instrument will produce anything but correction. Wrath provokes wrath. "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." Then every stroke of the rod drives the child further and further away. It turns his poor heart from the parent, instead of drawing him nearer to you.
The same writer points the parent to how God Himself deals with His children.
This is not how God deals with us, His children. How important it is to learn from Him. He is Light, and He is Love. Learn from Him how to show firmness and authority at the right time, and love at the right time. So how important it is for a parent to look up with a humbled and chastened spirit before he applies the chastening rod. Let him ask God, who gives generously and does not reproach, for the wisdom and grace he needs. Let him ask that His Spirit of love and discretion may guide the father's hand, for His own glory, as he applies the bitter rod of correction.
The verse speaks of a child, not of a grown son, and one writer presses the timing hard.
We can bend the twig while it is young and green, but soon it gets hard and brittle, and there is no hope of bending it then. There is hope for children while they are young, and surely that is the time to chasten them. There may be times, even when they are older, when there must be a spanking. But it is a much harder ordeal for both parent and child than when they were little. Let us remember how quickly the time when "there is hope" passes away.
- Rod withheld. Doing nothing is not kindness. The father should fear where laxity ends and look for blessing on a godly start.
- Rod measured. The word is "rod", not scourge — real pain, never injury; the promise that he will not die is itself the limit.
- Rod loved. A child feels at once whether love or temper is behind the stroke. Anger drives him away instead of drawing him near.
- Rod timed. The green twig bends; the brittle one does not. The window while there is hope closes fast.
- Rod's aim. The target is the soul, not the behaviour — a small pain now weighed against a pain beyond comparison.