What does it mean to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15)?

367 Hence we can rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with those that weep, without a human cause save in others for joy or weeping, but in divine and gracious sympathy. But we must be wholly with Christ to do it truly, yet man to feel it truly as He was. Only in us this supposes us dead to self, for in us self is selfishness. I am "free from all," says the apostle, "that I may be the servant of all."

If we seek to sympathize with the suffering it is needful that we should take their sorrows to our selves. Merely to speak a word of condolence to others is not genuine sympathy. We must appropriate the trials of others and carry them upon the spirit. For such a service we need to have the Spirit of the Master within us, learning first His comfort for ourselves as displayed here, and then ministering the same to others.

Romans 12:15. "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." We have been exhorted to the exercise of love, the discharge of the duties of benevolence, the forgiveness of enemies and now we are admonished to sympathise in the joys and sorrows of our fellow-men, but, especially of our fellow-Christians. These are the comely ways of the household of faith. Being rooted and grounded in love, these graces naturally flow forth as from their native fountain. What could possibly be more unlike the spirit of Christianity than a selfish indifference to all interests but our own! How much more like the blessed Master is the Christian who enters into the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his own! This is the true expression of the communion of saints — the unselfishness of those who are walking in the light of God's own presence — the only place where we lose our selfishness. "If we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another." Outside of His presence we are selfish; in His presence we feel and act in the divine nature.

Do others have cause for rejoicing? Let us rejoice with them! This may not be easy if there are thorns or sorrows in our own path, but it is true, unselfish Christian character. Or do others weep? Let us weep with them. We may not be so ready to do so if our own circumstances are pleasant, but it is a pointed test of our selfishness or unselfishness. Philippians 2:4 is a needful reminder to us: “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” Yet in this we are to have no favorites; but to have the same mind one toward another: partiality is foreign to godliness. Nor ought “high things” to engage the mind, as though our intelligence were on a higher level than average. The following phrase here is nicely expressed in the New Translation — “going along with the lowly.” This is true greatness and genuine Christian grace. “Be not wise in your own eyes” is an important accompaniment of this; for seeking to impress others — perhaps specially the lowly — is a rather real danger.

There had been allusion already to the affliction and persecution to which some of them had been subjected, or in which they had had companionship with others who were passing through it. He exhorts them now to remember those who are in bonds not in mere pity, but in spirit partaking with those in affliction, although they themselves might be free. What a lovely identification of faith with the suffering people of God! "If one member suffer, all the members suffer with it" "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."

(1) In the opening words of his address, Eliphaz begins the criticism which characterizes the words of the friends throughout. What he says is perfectly true, and Job who had comforted others in times of distress should have borne up under his trials; and yet would we not expect some words of sympathy from a friend — a "brother born for adversity?" Would not grace ever teach us to "weep with those who weep?" The blessed Man of Sorrows did not take sufferers to task in this way, but was moved with compassion, even to tears, at human sorrow. It is this harshness which indicates a wrong principle in Eliphaz, which comes out more clearly as he proceeds. With him sin and suffering are as root and fruit: he knows no classes of suffering, fails to distinguish between the righteous and the wicked, and therefore eventually is found to be a false accuser of his friend.

(V. 15). In connection with the changing circumstances of life we should be ready to rejoice with those who rightly rejoice, and weep with those in sorrow.

But there was One to whom they could come in their sorrow and into whose ear they could pour their tale of grief — the One of whom their master had spoken, to whom he had pointed and of whom he had said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” To Him the bereaved disciples betook themselves. We read, “They came and took up the body and buried it, and went and told Jesus” (Matt. 14:12). This was the very best thing they could have done. There was not another heart on earth in which they could have found such a response as in the tender, loving heart of Jesus. His sympathy was perfect. He knew all about their sorrow. He knew their loss and how they would be feeling it. They therefore acted wisely when “they went and told Jesus.” His ear was ever open and His heart ever prepared to soothe and sympathize. He perfectly exemplified the precept afterwards embodied in the words of the Holy Spirit, “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep” (Rom. 12:15).

Who can tell the value of genuine sympathy? Who can declare the value of having one who can really make your joys and sorrows his own? Thank God! we have such an one in the blessed Lord Jesus Christ. Although we cannot see Him with the bodily eye, yet can faith use Him in all the preciousness and power of His perfect sympathy. We can, if only our faith is simple and childlike, come from the tomb where we have just deposited the remains of some fondly-cherished person, to the feet of Jesus and there pour out the anguish of a bereaved and desolate heart. We shall there meet no rude repulse, no heartless reproof for our folly and weakness in feeling so deeply. Nor any clumsy effort to say something suitable, an awkward effort to put on some expression of condolence. Ah! no; Jesus knows how to sympathize with a heart that is crushed and bowed down beneath the heavy weight of sorrow. His is a perfect human heart. What a thought! What a privilege to have access at all times, in all places and under all circumstances, to a perfect human heart! We may look in vain for this down here. In many cases, there is a real desire to sympathize, but a total lack of capacity. I may find myself, in moments of sorrow, in company with one who knows nothing about my sorrow or the source thereof. How could he sympathize? And even though I should tell him, his heart might be so occupied with other things as to have no room and no time for me.

But to return. The evangelist introduces the convert into the Church. Here ministry of a new kind awaits him. After evangelists, in the passage we are considering, come "pastors." The word is literally "shepherds," and fittingly designates those whom the Lord has qualified to "feed the flock of God." The sheep of Christ need care. The Good Shepherd, who laid down His life for them, will see that they are not only delivered from the enemy, but guarded, led, and fed as well. It is here that the importance of the gift of pastor is seen. His it is to look after the Lord's people; to see that they do not go astray,and seek to recover them if they do; to comfort them under affliction; to cheer and sympathize with them under trial; to warn them if they grow worldly or careless, watching over their souls as one who must give account. The pastor's work is necessarily largely of a private character. He need not be a public speaker nor take a prominent place. The true pastor's sphere of service is not a limited one. And how such an one is needed by the Lord's people! One who can rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep; ready to give counsel, encouragement, or correction. Are we sufficiently thankful for pastors? What would the Church of God be without them? — open to the attacks of the enemy, the weak neglected, the wanderers unsought, the unruly unwarned. And is it not well for us to pray that this precious gift of Christ may be more recognized and made use of? Let those who have the care of Christ's flock awaken afresh to their responsibilities. They have a work which no man can do for them. That such a gift exists at the present time who can doubt, with this scripture before them? But externality and superficiality characterize these days. Showy talents are most appreciated, and the useful ones which minister to the true health of the Body of Christ are too often despised and neglected. As a consequence the saints grow lean; where a true pastoral care might develop them into usefulness they shrivel and remain weaklings all their lives.

Being in such a scene of wretchedness as the world and with bodies not yet redeemed in which we groan, we are exhorted to be also "sympathetic." Surely we may and ought to rejoice with those that rejoice; but far more frequent is the demand on our sharing the grief that abounds, and especially for righteousness or Christ's sake. It is our common portion as Christians to suffer with Him, even if we may not have the experience of suffering for Him. In any case sympathy in these holy sorrows is sweet and strengthening.