What does it mean to bear with one another (Colossians 3:13)?

Forbearing one another

Longsuffering will lead to exactly this. To forbear the other does not only mean to be ready to bear the burdens of others, but also to bear with their weaknesses. This is exactly what the Lord Jesus did with His disciples. They had a lot of flaws but He was ready to bear with them. It may even be that we must bear with the brother himself if he has become a burden to others. And we should not forget that Paul says: ‘forbearing one another’. This is not a ‘one-way street’. Today, I may be the one who must do this; tomorrow, I may be the one who must be borne with by others.

Vv. 12, 13. The first seven exhortations all set forth the different ways in which the grace of Christ is expressed. Mercy is grace to those who in some way may be dependent upon us, and are in special need. Kindness does not necessarily imply the meeting of actual need, or the conferring of benefits upon one dependent upon us. It is rather ministering to the happiness and comfort of others who may be in no special need. Lowliness has respect to oneself; meekness has reference to others. Lowliness thinks low thoughts, or no thoughts, of self; meekness gives way to others. These two excellent qualities are illustrated by the word, "In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves" (Philippians 2:3). The lowly man makes himself of no reputation; the meek man considers the qualities of others rather than his own.

Long-suffering has reference more to trying circumstances; forbearing one another refers to trying people. We rightly speak of a person showing great forbearance in the presence of provocation. This provocation may be general— something that calls for the forbearance of all. There may also be personal wrongs, which would give just cause for complaint by the one wronged. Such personal wrongs call for forgiveness. The measure of the forgiveness is to be even as Christ forgave us.

V. 14. Then we read, "To all these things add love" (N. Tn.). It is not, as in our translation, "Above all these things put on love", as if above all these qualities there is "love" as a quality apart. Love is to be added to the mercy, the kindness, and all the other qualities. All these blessed activities of the new man are to spring from love. If we show mercy, or kindness, or forbearance, or forgiveness, it should be because we love our brother. Love is "the bond of perfectness". The Apostle is speaking of the new order of man in which alone perfection can be found. In the old order, men are hateful and hating one another; in the new, all are bound together in the eternal bonds of love. One has said, "The links which are riveted in the love of Christ, and in labours for Christ, outlive the changes of time, and bind the family of God in the mansions of eternity".

To be longsuffering is literally to be long-tempered. Where there is this quality there is not a rash reaction to provocation but self-control. If a response is appropriate, it is a considered one. We are to bear with one another, remembering that ‘we all often offend’ (Jms. 3:2). How much Christ bears with in us! Should we not bear with one another?

In all these lovely characteristics it is good for us to remember the example of the Lord Jesus. Tender mercies are beautifully seen in Him, if we consider His being "moved with compassion" (Mt.9:36), and kindness in His gentle dealings even with Judas right to the end, though well knowing the deceit and treachery that animated this deluded disciple (Mt.26:50). Humility is beautifully seen in Philippians 2:5-8 in Christ's coming down voluntarily to the dreadful death of the cross. Meekness (not standing up for His rights) is manifest in all His life, even when subjected to the cruel hatred and persecution of Jews and Gentiles as they were determined to crucify Him. He opened not His mouth (Isa.53:7). Long-suffering (patient putting up with constant affliction) characterized His entire life. Indeed, it is still true of Him now, having patiently suffered with the cold rejection of men all through this age of grace, "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance" (2 Pet.3:9).

Bearing with others involves the restraining of any negative reaction to things that tend to provoke people. How true was this of the Lord Jesus, and with this is linked the forgiving of others. We know that those words from the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk.13:34) came from the depths of His loving heart. Thus, for us too forgiveness should be frank and ungrudging.

The process summarised as "being diligent in keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" is previously stated in detail as walking worthy of the calling with (1) All lowliness which is descriptive of the Christian's normal state, before God and is consequent on being consciously in the presence of God. (2) Meekness relates to our conduct towards other people and will follow on true humility. If there be a proper sense of our own nothingness and being in the presence of God, there will not be any cause for complaint on the score of arrogance and superciliousness towards our brethren. (3) Long-suffering. This will eliminate all harshness from our dealings. What is so natural to us is excluded by the Spirit's power producing a trait which was so prominent in the Lord's life while here. Who but He would have borne with Judas Iscariot until the moment he went out into the darkness of the night unable to bear the presence of Infinite Light and Love. (4) Forbearing one another in Love. We frequently "bear" or suffer those whom we cannot expel from our company, but that is not the meaning of the term. Forbearance has the force of "suffering gladly." The Apostle averred that the Corinthians suffered fools gladly (using the same word in 2 Cor. 11:19); a procedure not commonly observed among men. O Patient, spotless One! Our hearts in meekness train To bear thy yoke, and learn of Thee, That we may rest obtain.

The lowliness and meekness that make nothing of self lead to long-suffering and forbearance with others. We may find at times that others are not always lowly and meek, and this will call for long-suffering. We may have to suffer rebuffs and insults, and have to bear with those who act in this way. But we are warned that the forbearance is to be exercised in love. It is possible to bear with much in the spirit of pride that treats an offending brother with contempt. If we have to be silent, let it be with love that grieves over unworthy conduct.

The keeping of the unity calls into exercise four great moral characteristics: - Lowliness. That mind which is the exact opposite of the mind of Adam. He would exalt himself; the lowly mind goes down as Philippians 2 shows. This is most essential, and particularly important for the Gentile in his dealings with the Jewish saint. The remembrance to which the apostle called them in chapter 2:11-12, was calculated to produce it. Meekness. The opposite of the pushful self-assertive spirit. Again very important for the Gentile since there was the divine order even in connection with the gospel of "to the Jew first and also to the Gentile." Longsuffering. The patient and long-continued acceptance of personal discomforts or even wrongs, a thing only possible to one of a lowly and meek spirit. Forbearing in love. Intimately connected with the third, and its complement - the love that bears with that which might offend in others, instead of seeking redress by violent methods.

The exhortations comprised in the first section of chapter 4 down to verse 16, have evidently in view our calling, not as individuals but rather as members of the body of Christ, the church. In the assemblies of the saints how often friction occurs! A little experience of assembly life will suffice to convince us that this is so. Here then is an immense field for the cultivation of the beautiful graces enumerated in verse 2. The lowly mind thinks nothing of itself. Meekness, the opposite of self-assertiveness, is of course the direct outcome of lowliness. Longsuffering, the opposite of the hasty spirit so critical of others, is the child of lowliness and meekness. When all these three are in operation how simply and happily do we bear with one another in love. Let us connect the love also with what we have just been seeing in chapter 3. Rooted and grounded in love, and knowing at least something of the knowledge-surpassing love of Christ, we ourselves are enabled with eyes of love, to look out on all saints, even those amongst them who according to nature are least lovable.

Forgiving one another, if any should have a complaint against any; even as the Christ has forgiven you, so also do ye.

There is to be forgiveness should there be occasion to blame another. The wording ‘any … against any’ covers perhaps not only individual complaints but difficulties that may arise between families etc. The words ‘even as the Christ has forgiven you, so also do ye’ show both how readily given and also how complete the forgiveness is to be.

Paul continues: ‘if any should have a complaint against any; even as the Christ has forgiven you, so also do ye’. This may be the most difficult of these injunctions. It presumes that my brother (or my sister) has sinned against me. How did our Lord react when He was nailed to that shameful and cruel cross? He prayed for His enemies: ‘Father, forgive them’ (Luke 23:34). He sets the example. Therefore, our standard is: ‘as Christ has forgiven [us]’! And how has He forgiven us? Firstly, He did it completely. Secondly, He did it immediately. Thirdly, He did it willingly — from the depthsof His heart. How do we forgive one another? Yes, unfortunately, it is the case that we sin against each other. If so, we should be ready to confess (in case we have sinned) and to forgive (if the other has sinned). To forgive means to grant the grace to take something away. Therefore, the one who forgives exercises grace, and the one who is forgiven receives grace.