What does it mean that "honor your father and mother" is the first commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:2)?

49 Verses 2, 3. Paul refers to this promise, which has often been a difficulty to some, as though temporal promises now belonged to a certain line of conduct. The citation only shews us how much God estimated obedience under the law. However, I believe there is a blessing belonging to obedience to parents. But in the order of the government of God, in the ways of God with us personally in this world, there are important things which modify this. The Jewish system was the expression of the government of God in this world, and the blessing belonged to him who honoured his father and mother.

Verses 2, 3. "Honour thy father and thy mother," etc. We have in these verses a rare instance of a direct quotation from the Mosaic table, as a sanction for the Christian conscience. It is described here as the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with thee," etc. Now this promise, like all other promises of God, is to the believer Yea and Amen in Christ, to the glory of Him who by grace has blessed us in His Son. For Jesus has deserved all promise, and is become the security of all to us. But, in the practical administration of His government, God acts upon immutable principles; and His way is ever to annex a positive blessing to obedience. Thus even they who characteristically are not under law, but under grace (and, therefore, safe from the ultimate mastery of sin), are not the less subject to the positive ordinances of God. They are under law to Christ. As it respects the force and limitation of the present precept, there is no real difficulty. The relationship in question is temporal, and so also is the promise. What the land was to the Israelite after the flesh, the word of grace now is to the partaker of the heavenly calling. For such, godliness has promise of the life that now is, as well as of that which is to come (1 Tim 4:8). It is well with us, and we consciously enjoy the Father's favour, so long as we are walking as obedient children in His light. A faithful compliance with the written precept will sweeten with the Divine blessing the present term of patience; while the promise, in its fullest import, will, together with all other promises, which make up in their mighty sum the full "recompense of reward," be realized in its perfection only in the day of Jesus Christ.

In the Epistle to the Colossians, where the saints were in danger from a misuse of legal ordinances, the ground urged why children should obey their parents in all things, is "For this is well-pleasing unto the Lord." Here the faithful were free from that snare, and the Holy Ghost could freely use a principle embodied in the law, and hence adds "for this is right," or just. Nay, He can follow it up with a quotation, slightly changed from the decalogue, drawing attention parenthetically to its special place therein. "Honour thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest be long-lived on the earth." (Ver. 2, 3.) If such was God's estimate of filial piety under law, was it less now that the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ unfolds His nature and calls us to the relationship of sons unto Himself? If respect to that word of old found its approval and recompense in the righteous government of God, if He then watched over and prospered such as honoured their parents, did the revelation of Himself in grace relax the obligation for His children, or make the love that prompts and sustains such honour less precious in His own eyes now? No intelligent Christian would contend that it is other than a precept from the law, but so applied as to insinuate, if I mistake not, a kind of à fortiori conclusion to the New Testament believer. Certainly, to be well and live long on the earth is not the form in which the proper portion of a saint, since the cross of Christ, is usually set before him.

The admonition to children and parents follows. Children are to obey their parents "in the Lord." This preserves, of necessity, His rights. "In the Lord" means in subjection to the authority of Christ, and therefore, of necessity, preserves that authority in everything. The apostle quotes the commandment with the sanction given to it in the Old Testament, — not at all as what is absolutely true for the present time, but to show the importance attached to it by God, — the first commandment having a promise connected with it: "That it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth" or "in the land," as the connection would rather make it. No doubt there is a government of God that goes on through all the present time, in which these things have a measure of fulfilment. The law was, or is still, the rule of God's government, which, however, the peculiar position of Christians upon the earth necessarily modifies as to them. As Christians, they may be cut off from the earth, when, as obedient children simply, they would be preserved upon it; but the Christian loss is gain, as we know, so that the apostle Peter elsewhere refuses, as we may say, to consider it as loss. "Who is he that shall harm you if ye be followers of that which is good?" But, he immediately adds: "But if ye should suffer for righteousness, sake, happy are ye." The suffering for righteousness, sake might seem to be a setting aside of what he had just urged, the question being the most positive form of statement, in fact. No one could harm them in following that which was good, but then, "suffering for righteousness' sake" is not finding harm. A Christian cut off from the earth simply goes to heaven and to Christ. The Jew cut off from his land was, at least as to Jewish blessing which was in the land, in a different case.

The subjection of children to their parents is part of God's order as seen in nature; and under the law a special blessing was attached to the observance of the commandment in which this duty was enjoined. Christianity takes up the obligation, but transplants it from natural to divine ground. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3.) Thus the obligation of children, as of wives, is connected with "the Lord." It is not merely the dictate of nature, though perfectly right, but the acknowledgment of the Lord's claims as represented in the parents. The blessed Lord Himself, who "learned obedience," was the beautiful example of this. Of Him in His lifetime it is recorded that He went with His parents "to Nazareth, and was subject unto them." The law is not here introduced as showing that believers are under it, but as proving the special value which God attached to this duty, so as even to depart from the ordinary character of law, by coupling it with a promise which makes known the connection between this duty and earthly blessing.

Everywhere in scripture is filial obedience pressed, and the Lord Himself in the home at Nazareth has left an example which should be studied (Luke 2:51). Disobedience to parents is one of the unhappy moral signs of the last days (2 Tim. 3:2), as also absence of natural affection; elements painfully and increasingly apparent on every hand. But the obedience must be "in the Lord"; all obedience having this important qualification. A heathen parent might bid his child sacrifice to idols: must he obey? Where the express will of God is crossed, such can only answer as Peter and John to the priests who bade them preach no more in the name of Jesus (Acts 4:19; Acts 5:29) Nothing and no one must be allowed to come in between the conscience and God.

Some have found difficulty in the Spirit's use of the fifth commandment in this place, as apparently sanctioning the placing of Christians under the law. This is not so, for the word of God never contradicts itself. Christians have been delivered from the law by the body of Christ, having died to that wherein they were held, and have a new and higher standard set before them for walk below, even a heavenly Christ. To turn back to law is to build again the things we have destroyed, to place ourselves under the curse, to be removed from Him Who called us in the grace of Christ to another gospel. But what the apostle shows here is that God has always insisted on due honour and obedience being rendered to parents, under the law as truly as under Christianity; so important, indeed, is it with Him, that Jehovah added a promise to the commandment (the first with such an attachment) "that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth." This is stated to show what the promise was; strictly, of course, in keeping with the calling of Israel. The Christian is called to heavenly blessing, he expects trial and difficulty, and perhaps persecution in this world; though it is not denied that there is present blessing in the government of God for those who do His will.

The obedience of the child is, however, to be “in the Lord”. This supposes a home governed by the fear of the Lord, and therefore according to the Lord. The quotation from the Old Testament, which connects the promise of blessing with obedience to parents, shows how greatly God esteemed obedience under law. Though in Christianity the blessing is of an heavenly order, yet in the governmental ways of God the principle remains true that honouring parents will bring blessing.

Children are next addressed. The instruction is simple and uncomplicated. They are to obey their parents in the Lord, that is, as subject to the Lord's authority. False educators today boldly undermine this parental authority, and it is leading to ruin, for it denies what is right before God. The relationship of children is typical of that of believers to God as their Father. If a believer should obey God, then a child should obey his parents. More still is involved in verse 2: the need for due respect is added. This verse is quoted from the ten commandments, not as putting children under law, but as showing the law's importance as an abiding governmental principle which brings temporal blessings as a result. For children are certainly to be subject to their parents, and this has much to do with their welfare on earth.

The last six commandments deal with Israel's responsibilities toward others. Thus the fifth commandment is "Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you" (v.16). Ephesians 6:1 refers to this as "the first commandment with promise." Israel soon sadly failed in this, as is exampled in Absalom, son of David, who rebelled against his father and sought to kill him (2 Sam.17:1-4). His days were not long on the earth. It may be that a father is hard and cruel, but his children are still to honor him; a mother may be even irresponsible, but her children are to honor her that is, to show proper respect. Though this is not a legal commandment for believers today, yet Ephesians 6:1 shows it to be of moral importance still. Our motives are not to be those of submitting to legal demands, but of delighting to please God.

"Honour thy father and thy mother" (ver. 4) is the first commandment with promise. Yet it would be a gross thing indeed to think that when a person is now left here to a great age it is because he honours his father and mother. A Jew was blessed according to his dispensation — dispensation of the law. A Christian is blessed with every kind of spiritual blessing in the heavenlies in Christ, for now is the economy of grace. Yet is there blessing attached to this fifth commandment. The apostle said to depart would be far better, but to "remain" to help the saints was "worth his while." The tradition of the elders diverted the honour due to the parents from the children, by the acknowledgment of the offerer's "gift." What would have been the parents' portion is denied them under the ostensible plea of a "gift" to God, in contravention of His law! Thus were the sons delivered from all responsibility to their parents by this tradition, making the word of God of none effect. It was the best possible case to bring their conduct home to them, for anyone can see the hollowness of such behaviour. It makes the word of God utterly void.