Is it a sin to watch pornography with my spouse?

Sexual desire may become very strong so the requirement to live in this way may be considered a hard imposition. In such a case it is helpful if the young Christian concerned talks confidentially to a mature Christian of the same sex or a couple to find the help, support and prayer he or she needs. Beware of any ‘alternative solution’ (masturbation, pornography, films, etc.)! This will only make you unhappy and increase your burdens, and it will bring you into spiritual free fall. ‘For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are noble, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are amiable, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue and if any praise, think on these things’ (Phil. 4:8).

Adultery in the heart

The Lord Jesus now explains that before God it is not just the accomplished act that is sin, but the looking with lust on a woman, for this is adultery in the heart. The word “adultery” shows that either the man or both are married. Nevertheless, no unmarried believer should think that these words of the Lord have nothing to say to him.

The Lord is not speaking here about accidental, unintentional looks which can hardly be avoided, but about the conscious covetous looking: “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her … ” The intentional look is therefore preceded by the sinful thought in the heart.

This distinction is very important. Nowadays we can hardly move in this world without, unintentionally, continually witnessing the moral depravity of our time. We are easily defiled by this. The intentional covetous and sinful look is something completely different. No Christian can avoid unclean thoughts rising up in his mind but they only become sin when instead of turning away from them he consciously gives himself to them. If covetous looks and unclean lines of thought are sin, then it is also sin if believing women and girls cause and provoke this by their dress and behaviour.

Adultery in the heart

The Lord Jesus now explains that before God it is not just the accomplished act that is sin, but the looking with lust on a woman, for this is adultery in the heart. The word "adultery" shows that either the man or both are married. Nevertheless, no unmarried believer should think that these words of the Lord have nothing to say to him.

The Lord is not speaking here about accidental, unintentional looks which can hardly be avoided, but about the conscious covetous looking: "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her..." The intentional look is therefore preceded by the sinful thought in the heart.

For that reason the Lord now says, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (v. 28). Because of the teaching of the scribes and Pharisees, the Jews thought the mere outward observance of the law was the way to be justified before God. Here, the Lord points to the human heart and shows that adultery has its source there. This is not a “spiritualisation of the law,” as is sometimes said. He reveals for the first time something which had to become clear by experience to every honest Israelite, namely, that everyone who endeavoured to keep the commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” had within themselves those very lusts which led to the actions forbidden by God, and had not the strength to overcome them. The lusts were even provoked by the commandment: “ … for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet” (Rom. 7:7-11).

Let one instance suffice out of the seven occasions in that discourse when our Lord said, “I say to you.” “Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28). Where is there the setting aside of the law? Nay, He upheld it. The law was content to forbid the actual act, the Lord went further, and not only forbad the outward act, but the inward desire.

For that reason the Lord now says, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (v. 28). Because of the teaching of the scribes and Pharisees, the Jews thought the mere outward observance of the law was the way to be justified before God. Here, the Lord points to the human heart and shows that adultery has its source there. This is not a "spiritualisation of the law," as is sometimes said. He reveals for the first time something which had to become clear by experience to every honest Israelite, namely, that everyone who endeavoured to keep the commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," had within themselves those very lusts which led to the actions forbidden by God, and had not the strength to overcome them. The lusts were even provoked by the commandment: "... for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet" (Rom. 7: 7-11).

It is sometimes said that deliverance from sin is a matter of personal effort, and that evil habits can and should be overcome by one's own firm resolution and perseverance. But this advice overlooks the fact that although the wicked deed may be checked by will-power alone, the sinful desire fills the heart beforehand. And divine holiness uncovers the secret source of inward evil. In God's sight, the thought of foolishness is sin. Our Lord condemns alike the lustful look and the adulterous act (Matt. 5:28). The evil thought defiles the whole man, as well as the evil word and the evil act (Mark 7:21-23). We should habitually govern our words and our deeds, but who can govern the imagination of the heart which God beholds? If we are walking with God, we are with One Who knows our thoughts even before we recognise them ourselves. The holiness of God is very pure, infinitely above any human standard, and in order to act rightly with regard to that standard, we must attend to the words of scripture concerning the “sin which doth so easily beset us.”

As violence then was judged and excluded in any shape for the disciples, so was impurity. The avoidance of the extreme act might satisfy a Pharisee or Scribe; but the Lord could not dispense with anything short of truth in the inward parts. To look at a woman lustfully was to commit adultery with her already in his heart; and it is not the outside only that God regards but the heart above all. It is only a new nature that delights in holiness; and he who has it by grace answers to the will of God his Father; and abhors himself if he slip even into a wrong look, as unworthy of his calling and hateful to Him who loves him.

But there is another thing besides violence: there is the corrupt element in the heart of man — the heart lusting for that which it has not. This is taken up in the next word of our Lord: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee … And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell" (vers. 27-30). That is, whatever in our walk, or in our ways, or in our service, whatever it might be that exposes a soul to the danger of yielding to these unholy feelings, should never be spared, but departed from at any cost. There must be the excision of everything that is hurtful to the soul; the members of the body, such as the eye desiring and the hand which would take, being used as showing the various ways in which the heart might be entangled. The cutting off of these members sets forth a heart thoroughly exercised in self-judgment; not prompted to excuse itself by saying that it had not actually committed the sin, but whatever exposed to it must be given up.

Thus was the mind of God made clear. The indulgence of lust is incompatible with entering the kingdom of the heavens. The law forbade the act of adultery; the Lord condemns even the looking licentiously as adultery committed already in the heart. He insisted therefore on the most unsparing decision with all that gave occasion. Was it not better to pluck out the right eye or cut off the right hand, rather than the whole body be cast into hell? Here (as in all the chapters of the first Gospel before Matthew 13 where He begins as the Sower), it is not seeking sinners in sovereign grace, but saints, as He enjoins on the twelve in chap. 10. "Into whatsoever city or village ye enter, inquire who in it is worthy" (ver. 11). So the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5) describes what spiritual characters suit the kingdom, as the end (Matt. 7) declares that none shall enter but he that does the will of His Father that is in the heavens. Not even prophesying or miraculous powers, were it casting out demons through the Lord's name, could be a passport to the workers of lawlessness. Practical obedience of His words alone should stand. The rock here is spiritual reality. His word was incomparably more withering to self-righteousness than the law of Moses.