How to forgive someone you hate, Bible

Many are spiritually deaf and do not hear such things. They have intentionally closed their ears to the things of Christ. But the Lord then spoke to those who would hear. He told them, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you." Love is not merely having a kind feeling, but being genuinely concerned for the true, proper welfare of another If that person returns hatred, it is all the more reason to be concerned for him, for he needs special help. Doing good in return for evil is both rightly representing God and providing an example that should touch the hearts and consciences of others. This, and returning blessing for cursing, requires the lowly dignity of true faith, as do those things that follow, such as praying for one who acts despitefully (v.28). Our natural resentment is greatly modified by the power of the Holy Spirit when we allow Him to work in us ungrieved and unquenched (Eph.4:30; 1Thes.5:19).

But now a word as to what follows. It is the very pith and essence of that which concerns our relation towards others here below; the great active principle from which all right conduct flows. This is the question of the true character and limits of love. "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour and hate thine enemy" (ver. 43). This was the expression that the Jews drew from the general tenor of the law. There had been the sanction of God for the extermination of their enemies; and from that they drew the principle, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you." Here was a thing that the law never could teach — it is grace. In a thousand practical instances, the question is not whether the thing is right. We often hear Christians asking, Is such a thing wrong? But this is not the sole question for the Christian. Suppose wrong is done him; what is to be his feeling then? If there is enmity to him in another, what is he to cherish in his own heart? "Love your enemies … do good to them that hate you … that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven;" thus they show in practical ways that they belong to such a parentage, "For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust … Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (vers. 44-48).

Verse 43. "It has been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy." This latter clause was a deduction, the inference of an evil nature. The law said, "Love your neighbour"; but there was no instruction to hate an enemy. "But I say unto you, Love your enemies." No one could do this naturally or apart from the grace of God. Only in the knowledge of the grace of God that when we were enemies Christ died for us, can we do so. Very lovely is this instruction, when we think of Himself, and the unrighteous way He was treated — the crown of thorns, mocking, scourging, and nailing to the cross, and then the cry, "Father, forgive them."

Lastly, when it dawns on us that we have been taking this wrong course ourselves, what we should do? ‘Confess therefore your offences to one another, and pray for one another’ (Jas. 5:16). John writes: ‘If we confess our sins, [the Father] is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:9). How many times we have found God true to that promise, but if it is right to keep short accounts with Him we should also do it with one another.

Sad to say, it sometimes seems as if ‘sorry’ and ‘I forgive you’ are the hardest words — even for us whose lives as Christians began with ‘repentance towards God, and faith towards our Lord Jesus Christ’, in whom ‘we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Acts 20:21; Col. 1:14). Paul writes: ‘forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any should have a complaint against any; even as the Christ has forgiven you, so also do ye’ (Col. 3:13).

Paul continues: ‘if any should have a complaint against any; even as the Christ has forgiven you, so also do ye’. This may be the most difficult of these injunctions. It presumes that my brother (or my sister) has sinned against me. How did our Lord react when He was nailed to that shameful and cruel cross? He prayed for His enemies: ‘Father, forgive them’ (Luke 23:34). He sets the example. Therefore, our standard is: ‘as Christ has forgiven [us]’! And how has He forgiven us? Firstly, He did it completely. Secondly, He did it immediately. Thirdly, He did it willingly — from the depthsof His heart. How do we forgive one another? Yes, unfortunately, it is the case that we sin against each other. If so, we should be ready to confess (in case we have sinned) and to forgive (if the other has sinned). To forgive means to grant the grace to take something away. Therefore, the one who forgives exercises grace, and the one who is forgiven receives grace.

I do not speak about this seventh point in a light-hearted way, when believers live and walk together there are sometimes difficulties, we may be deeply hurt in our heart by something a brother or a sister does and we say, 'I cannot forgive this'. Of ourselves we cannot do this, but we can when we realise how much God has forgiven us in Christ. When our Saviour was on earth He told the parable in Matthew 18 of the man who had a great debt and could not pay and he was forgiven and did not have to pay his debt, but then the same man went to another man who owed him a little debt and put him under pressure to pay. This is a very serious story, but does not this sometimes happen amongst believers? We have been forgiven such a great debt in Christ, and yet we are sometimes unable to forgive our brother or sister.

The immensity of the truths thus unfolded evidently penetrated Peter's soul as he heard them, and the desire to clearly know the extent of the responsibility of acting in grace, where a brother was in question, led to his query, "Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?" The largest idea of grace that Peter had was "till seven times." That certainly was beyond the day of law, — which demanded righteousness, and knew naught of forgiveness, — and may be beyond the practical state of many of our souls, but it will not do for Christ. Peter's question was this: Suppose my brother sins against me, over and over again, how often am I to forgive him? The Lord's answer was: "I say not to thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven." Under the reign of law forgiveness was unknown, it was "an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth"; but in the kingdom of heaven, and under the rule of a rejected, a heavenly Christ, forgiveness takes its character from Him, and is to be unlimited. The Lord insists that practically there is to be no limit to it. It is to flow out constantly. It is the reflection of God's own ways with man.

It must be remembered that this is a question of sin against us, not against the Lord. The Church cannot forgive any sin against the Lord until He has forgiven it, and He only forgives on the confession of sin. But, as believers, we are to forgive each other unlimitedly. "Till seventy times seven" is to be the Christian's motto in this respect. This is really divine. God will not be outdone in forgiveness; but even a man on earth — a saint, of course — is called on to forgive after this heavenly pattern. May we all learn so to walk. If we only did so walk, what joy would fill our own souls, and what happy assemblies of saints would be everywhere found. Alas! we are very few of us up even to Peter's "seven times." We think we do well if we forgive once or twice; anything beyond that could not reasonably be expected of us. Peter's question, however, reveals an altogether different line of conduct to be the command of our Lord. May we each one heed it.

Hear what Peter has to say about it. He had been listening to the Lord, and he was conscious that the Lord was saying things to him that he had not been used to hearing, and his astonishment found voice in his question: If my brother sin against me seven times must I forgive him? “I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven,” was the Lord's quiet answer. And Peter might well have said, “Impossible.” But I can understand the Lord replying: “Peter, I am not asking you to treat your brother in any other way than the way I am treating you.” Ah, that makes it easy. It is the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. That is the way He is treating me. He is forgiving me seventy times seven, and if I cannot forgive my brethren the same way, my heart has lost the sense of His grace.

This same truth is found in more than one of the epistles. Paul, writing to the Ephesians, says, "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ hath forgiven you. Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children." (Eph. 4:32; Eph. 5:1.) It is not as in our version, "as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you," but as we have given it, "as God in Christ." For the apostle here presents God in the riches of His grace, acting, without motive, except in Himself, and needing therefore no inducement to forgiveness; but acting solely from His own heart — these forms of display being but the manifestation of what He is as seen in redemption. But he presents Him in this way as our standard, and hence he says, "Be ye imitators of God as beloved children." As in the gospels, so here, the children are desired to present in their conduct the character of God as their Father. And thereon the apostle shows us God as love, and God as light — the two words which tell out all that God is; and he says to us, "You are also to display love and light." Thus he says, "Walk in love," (v. 2); and, "walk as children of light." (v. 8.) Christ Himself is brought in as the example of love in His having loved us, and given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savour; for in this act of sacrifice He is the expression of the whole heart of God. And inasmuch as we are now light in the Lord we are to walk as children of light, and the fruit of the light (it is light, not Spirit) is in all goodness, and righteousness, and truth — in such a walk proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

We may well, in the face of such scriptures, challenge ourselves as to whether these desires of God for us are sufficiently borne in mind. The temptation to measure ourselves by one another is so great that we cannot be too frequently reminded that God Himself, according to what He is as displayed in redemption as love and light, is our standard for walk and conduct. And with what motives are we herein furnished to become imitators of God as beloved children! Thus, for example, we are to forgive one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us; we are to act from our own hearts in grace, even as God acted in our salvation — seeking no motive outside of ourselves (save indeed in the God of our salvation), but finding our delight in the expression of that unspeakable grace of which we ourselves have been the subjects. It is, however, by no means intended that we should always pronounce our forgiveness to those who have sinned against us; but as to our own feelings we are ever to be in a state of forgiveness. We are never to retain inwardly the sin of a brother. However we may be sinned against, before God we are instantly to forgive; and then, as already explained, when the one who has committed the wrong, as our Lord taught Peter, comes and says, "I repent" (Luke 17), forgiveness is to be granted him. God Himself acts in this manner. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." and we, because His children, are to act on the same principle. Grace retains nothing, always forgives; but for the offender's own sake, for the glory of God indeed in the first place, it waits for the sinner's self-judgment before it openly absolves from the sin.

Scripture, however, let it be carefully noted, indicates a condition. An easy going forgiveness would do grave moral injury. We read, “If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4).

There is a condition necessary to forgiveness, and that is repentance. That is, indeed the principle of divine forgiveness. There is no forgiveness with God except through repentance. It is very evident that one who trespasses, and who is not repentant, has no desire for forgiveness, is not in the right spirit to receive it. Repentance is the moral foundation on which forgiveness can be rightly given and rightly received.

The attitude of the injured one should be that of forgiveness—a forgiveness forthcoming the moment repentance takes place. The attitude of the injurer should be that of repentance.