How to forgive someone who hurt you, Bible

"Supposing your brother does you wrong, something that may be very hard to bear, perhaps; an evil word, or an unkind action done against you-something that you feel deeply as a real personal trespass against you; the man has done it deliberately, and of course it is a great sin. Nobody knows it but himself and you. What are you to do? At once this great principle is applied, When you were ruined and far from God, what met your case? Did God wait till you put away your sin? It never would have been done at all. God sent His own Son to seek you, to save you. `The Son of man came to seek and to save that which was lost.' That is the principle for you to act upon.

Paul continues: ‘if any should have a complaint against any; even as the Christ has forgiven you, so also do ye’. This may be the most difficult of these injunctions. It presumes that my brother (or my sister) has sinned against me. How did our Lord react when He was nailed to that shameful and cruel cross? He prayed for His enemies: ‘Father, forgive them’ (Luke 23:34). He sets the example. Therefore, our standard is: ‘as Christ has forgiven [us]’! And how has He forgiven us? Firstly, He did it completely. Secondly, He did it immediately. Thirdly, He did it willingly — from the depthsof His heart. How do we forgive one another? Yes, unfortunately, it is the case that we sin against each other. If so, we should be ready to confess (in case we have sinned) and to forgive (if the other has sinned). To forgive means to grant the grace to take something away. Therefore, the one who forgives exercises grace, and the one who is forgiven receives grace.

But it is not easy to forgive. He was so unkind to you, and the things he said were so false, and you were so deeply wounded; and she has been so unreasonable and persistent in her enmity that you feel you cannot forgive! No, you cannot! But you will if you are near enough to the Lord, just as the king of Israel forgave through being near to Elisha. Elisha was the prophet of grace, and this was an opportunity for the display of grace; these Syrians must go back to their master persuaded that there was a temper in Israel that was not known in Syria, and so Elisha said, "Thou shalt not smite them. … Set bread and water before them, that they may eat and drink, and go to their master." It does not appear to have been hard for the king of Israel to do this. He seems to have caught Elisha's spirit and acted on it with a very good will, for HE PREPARED GREAT PROVISION FOR THEM; and when they had eaten and drunk, he sent them away, and they went to their master. And the king gained a greater victory by his kindness than he could have gained by his prowess upon the battlefield, for the bands of Syrians troubled him no more.

We may well, in the face of such scriptures, challenge ourselves as to whether these desires of God for us are sufficiently borne in mind. The temptation to measure ourselves by one another is so great that we cannot be too frequently reminded that God Himself, according to what He is as displayed in redemption as love and light, is our standard for walk and conduct. And with what motives are we herein furnished to become imitators of God as beloved children! Thus, for example, we are to forgive one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us; we are to act from our own hearts in grace, even as God acted in our salvation — seeking no motive outside of ourselves (save indeed in the God of our salvation), but finding our delight in the expression of that unspeakable grace of which we ourselves have been the subjects. It is, however, by no means intended that we should always pronounce our forgiveness to those who have sinned against us; but as to our own feelings we are ever to be in a state of forgiveness. We are never to retain inwardly the sin of a brother. However we may be sinned against, before God we are instantly to forgive; and then, as already explained, when the one who has committed the wrong, as our Lord taught Peter, comes and says, "I repent" (Luke 17), forgiveness is to be granted him. God Himself acts in this manner. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." and we, because His children, are to act on the same principle. Grace retains nothing, always forgives; but for the offender's own sake, for the glory of God indeed in the first place, it waits for the sinner's self-judgment before it openly absolves from the sin.

The remainder of the chapter (v. 21) presents to us the spirit in which a Christian must act with regard to the one who may have offended him. It is no longer a question here of the way traced higher up, if he refuse to acknowledge his wrong, but of the disposition of the Christian to forgive it him, even if he should often repeat it. The Christian should always forgive - should never get weary of shewing grace towards the one that may have offended him; for a man might acknowledge his wrong, and yet repeat it. Ought this always to continue, and the Christian always to be ready to pardon? Yes, we must always act in grace. God has pardoned us much more. In Luke 17 the repentance of the one who has offended his brother is supposed. Here the principle is that forgiveness - such a case occurring - must always be granted. It is the Christian spirit which is established. I do not doubt, although the principle may be universally established as a Christian principle, that allusion is made here to what happened to the Jews. God in His ways with the nation having pardoned them the crucifixion of His Son, they would not have grace shewn towards the Gentiles, and were placed in consequence under discipline, under punishment, until they shall have paid the last farthing. It is not a question of expiation, nor of an individual, but of the nation and of the government of God.

I do not speak about this seventh point in a light-hearted way, when believers live and walk together there are sometimes difficulties, we may be deeply hurt in our heart by something a brother or a sister does and we say, 'I cannot forgive this'. Of ourselves we cannot do this, but we can when we realise how much God has forgiven us in Christ. When our Saviour was on earth He told the parable in Matthew 18 of the man who had a great debt and could not pay and he was forgiven and did not have to pay his debt, but then the same man went to another man who owed him a little debt and put him under pressure to pay. This is a very serious story, but does not this sometimes happen amongst believers? We have been forgiven such a great debt in Christ, and yet we are sometimes unable to forgive our brother or sister.

As brought to God, I have learned what God is as to His ways of grace (verses 31 and 32): "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil-speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Did God come and clamour against you in justice? He sent His Son to give Himself for you, and has forgiven you. There is a man that wronged me; I am going to forgive him, as God forgave me, and (if I am near enough to God to do it) to show out what we have been learning is the joy of our souls.

Bearing with others involves the restraining of any negative reaction to things that tend to provoke people. How true was this of the Lord Jesus, and with this is linked the forgiving of others. We know that those words from the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk.13:34) came from the depths of His loving heart. Thus, for us too forgiveness should be frank and ungrudging.

The attitude of the injured one should be that of forgiveness—a forgiveness forthcoming the moment repentance takes place. The attitude of the injurer should be that of repentance.

This is, indeed, a very serious matter. In the prayer of Luke 11:4, we read, “And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us.” That means our attitude to others has a serious relation to ourselves. Doubtless in this passage forgiveness is looked at from a governmental standpoint. And it is just on the lines of government that the matter assumes very serious proportions. Do I forgive? Then I can call upon God to forgive me. Am I hard and unforgiving? I shall reap what I sow. We see it in the parable of Matthew 18:23-35. The man who owed ten thousand talents, a sum approaching two million pounds, was forgiven his debt. Relieved of this terrible incubus, he discovered a fellow-servant who owed him one hundred pence, a paltry sum. He seized his fellow-servant by the throat, and demanded payment, throwing him into prison, there to stay until the debt should be paid.

If grace is not operative in another, this does not excuse any lack of grace on my part. In the case of personal trespass, grace wilt rebuke the offender, not haughtily, but in genuine love, for it is not grace or love to allow sin to continue. If there is repentance, then grace fully forgives. Lest we should set a limit if the offense is repeated, the Lord insists on forgiving seven times in a day, so long as the offender turns again to the offended in repentance (v.4).FAITH AND SERVICE