How should the church deal with gossip?

But what if another believer comes to us with an evil report about a brother or sister? Ask that person to stop speaking this way. How much evil speaking would die in its tracks if we did this. Of course, the person may want to unburden him or herself but we should only allow this if we are truly ready and willing to help them resolve the difficulty they have with the brother or sister in question. We should remember that even in cases where sins have been committed there is no blessing in sharing the details unnecessarily with others. The circle of information should be kept as small as possible — to those who can deal with it righteously. Our Lord’s instructions in Matthew 18:15–17 make this very clear. Peter writes, ‘before all things having fervent love among yourselves, because love covers a multitude of sins’ (1 Pet. 4:8; see also Proverbs 11:13 and 20:19).

If we do listen (hopefully because we do want to help) we should not repeat it to a third party, even if we suspect it may be true. Nicodemus said to his fellow council members when they were saying bad things about the Lord Jesus: ‘Does our law judge a man before it have first heard from himself, and know what he does?’ (John 7:51). Sad to say, in this day of grace we often deny fellow believers the protection the law gave people in Israel, but who of us has not done this? Do we stop to think that we may even be sharing matters that have already been resolved in the presence of God?

What should we do then if we hear of evil speaking about us? Defend ourselves? No, this only risks us saying evil things in return. Rather, we should commit it to the Lord: ‘Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good’ (Rom. 12:21). ‘Finally, be all of one mind, sympathising, full of brotherly love, tender hearted, humble minded; not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but on the contrary, blessing others, because ye have been called to this, that ye should inherit blessing. For he that will love life and see good days, let him cause his tongue to cease from evil and his lips that they speak no guile’ (1 Pet 3:8–10).

In the middle of the chapter what we may call social sins and errors are prohibited. It is well for us to observe these things for they are not unknown in Christian circles. Especially would we desire to emphasize verse 16. Who can estimate the trouble and sorrow caused by talebearers among the saints of God? It is connected here with standing up against the "blood," or "life," of one's neighbours. To such a length will tale-bearing go. But notice the next verse. We are to rebuke our neighbour and not suffer sin upon him. The instruction evidently is: if you discern wrong or sin in your brother, go straight to him about it, and do not talk against him behind his back. If we Christians acted thus how much good would be gained and how much evil avoided!

Next, we are told where silence is golden, both by contrast and directly: "He that despises his neighbour is void of heart." Where is his sense, where is propriety, to say nothing of the love and fear of God? It is certain that the Highest despises not any. What can a creature's state be who forgets either the body made of dust, or the soul from the inbreathing of Jehovah Elohim? Least of all does it suit Him who died to save the lost. "A man of understanding holds his peace" in such a case, unless there be a divine obligation to speak out. "He that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter; whereas he that goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets." To receive nothing so said, and to reprove the talebearer, will soon check and put such to shame; to repeat slanderous tales is to share the guilt and the mischief.

"Mary." You do not tell us where you live, but we fear the evil to which you call our attention is not confined to your locality, or to the special class to which you refer, namely, "unmarried females." The sin of "backbiting" prevails everywhere, and amongst all classes, to an appalling extent. It is an abominable, yea, a diabolical evil. It has been truly said, "The backbiter injures three persons, namely, himself, his hearer, and the subject of his tale." If I have any fault to find with a person, he himself ought to be the very first to hear of it. How little is this attended to! We meet a person with a smile and a shake of the hand, and no sooner have we parted company with him, than we commence to disparage him in some way or another. "I am determined," said an old saint, "never to speak of a mans virtues to his face, or of his faults behind his back." Noble determination! But alas! alas! how little is it acted upon! We generally reverse the order; we flatter people to their face, and blacken them behind their back. The Lord deliver us from this sinful and shameful practice! It is most assuredly of the devil. We want to be more faithful in speaking to people — more gracious in speaking of them. If we see anything wrong in a person, let us go directly to him and speak plainly; and if we have nothing good to say of him, let us graciously draw the curtain of silence around him. This would save a world of mischief; it would prevent untold sorrow and heart-burning. "Speak not evil one of another, brethren." This is a seasonable word, and yet, alas! how few act upon it. There seems such a want of common honesty, such an absence of even manly frankness, such meanness and cowardliness in saying behind a man's back what we would not dare to say to his face. Christians should flee from all this. It is most contemptible. No doubt "unmarried females" are more exposed to this evil, than those whose hands are well filled with domestic work. We gather this from the pungent words of the apostle, in 1 Timothy 5:13: "Withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house: and not only idle, but tattlers also, and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not." It may be said that this passage applies to "the younger widows;" but then the spirit of it applies wherever the evil exists. It is a good thing to be fully employed; it saves one from a great deal of evil, and from backbiting amongst the rest; against which we solemnly warn the reader. The devil is a backbiter — the chief of backbiters, and all who indulge in the practice are doing his work. We would recommend you, dear friend, and all our readers, to adopt Solomon's remedy in all cases of backbiting. He says, "The north wind drives away rain; so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue." Never listen to a backbiter, for if you do you are a partaker of his evil. Let us remember that the way of the Lord is to speak faithfully to us, but graciously of us. Let us seek to imitate this, and not be found doing Satan's work.

If the man still refuses to listen, the matter is to be told to the gathered assembly, -- not gossiped about from one saint to another, but told solemnly with all humility, so that the assembly will delegate some to speak again to the guilty person, on behalf of the assembly. The necessity of this is a most serious matter, for if he refuses to listen to the assembly, this is arrogance that calls for decided action. The individual now is to regard him "as a heathen man and a publican," that is, as though not even a believer.

"He that covereth a transgression seeketh love, but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends" (verse 9). To cover a transgression does not mean to ignore sin. How he who has sinned and is in transgression is to be dealt with is given to us in Galatians 6:1-5. To act in the spirit of love towards one who has sinned is Christ-like. To repeat the matter, gossip about it, harp on the shortcomings and failure, is Satan-like, for he is the accuser of the brethren.

Finally, "one who sows discord among brethren”, if he does not judge and desist from such wickedness, also falls under the same hatred as his evil does. There are various ways by which sowing discord can be done, and it often begins by talebearing, which is far worse than people generally think, for this can easily be exaggerated so badly as to cause results that are likely never to be reversed. Let us be careful not to be guilty of putting anyone in a bad light unnecessarily. Of course, if one is manifestly an enemy of God, it may be necessary that we warn others of his evil character, but this is different than sowing discord among brethren.

"Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself; and discover not a secret to another; lest he that hears it put thee to shame, and thine infamy turn not away." How guarded must be the doors of our lips! Now that disagreement, discord, ill-feeling has come between neighbors, is it to be settled by spreading it elsewhere? Let us have grace and honest courage of heart to face our neighbor in a spirit of meekness and true concern, that a proper understanding may be obtained. How painful the innumerable cases of offense that have never been settled, but only aggravated, by selfish, thoughtless gossip, when a word of simple apology might have dismissed it forever!

But if I carry it to another, how many things might happen! It may lead to others so repeating it, as from me that I myself am shown in the most shameful light. This area of things is extremely delicate and requires real energy of communion with God to have wisdom to act rightly; for in certain cases, there may be facts that others should know, and where to draw the line is a matter for serious exercise; but I must be careful not to be guilty of putting my neighbor in a wrong or bad light, and always before speaking, to judge in myself any feeling of personal grievance.

"Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another: lest he that heareth it put thee to shame and thine infamy turn not away." How guarded must be the doors of our lips! Now that disagreement, discord. ill-feeling has come between neighbors, is it to be settled by spreading it elsewhere? Let us have grace and honest courage of heart to face our neighbour in a spirit of meekness and true concern, that a proper understanding may be obtained. How painful the innumerable cases of offense that have never been settled, but only aggravated, by selfish, thoughtless gossip, when but a word of simple apology might have dismissed it forever! But if I carry it to another, how many things might happen! It may lead to the other's so repeating it, as from me that I myself am shown in the most shameful light. This area of things is extremely delicate, and requires a real energy of communion with God to have wisdom to act rightly; for in certain cases there may be facts that others should know, and where to draw the line is a matter for serious exercise; but I must be careful not to be guilty of putting my neighbor in a wrong or bad light; and always before speaking, to judge in myself any feeling of personal grievance.

This is to be done "between thee and him alone." Yet, alas, is it not all too common to discuss a personal trespass more publicly than this? Often it is passed on from one to another and distorted, and thus finally reaches the ear of the offending one in this round about way. The result, then, is hard feelings and the erring one is caused to drift farther astray, rather than gained and restored. In our selfishness, it suits us better to tell the story of our grievance to others who may be ready to sympathize with us and tell us how badly we have been treated and the like, than to go and seek to gain the one who has done us an injustice. This is not the spirit of Christ or obedience to God's Word. It is rather only another form of the same flesh that manifested itself in our brother's trespass.