How does one handle conflict in a marriage (or any relationship for that matter)?

Notice how wisely he speaks to these sisters: "Euodia I urge, Syntyche I urge, to mind the same thing in the Lord". He does not say, "I urge Euodia and Syntyche". But he speaks to each one separately: not suggesting one is more to blame than another. Indeed he makes no suggestion of any blame. You remember our Lord said: "If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift". (Matt. 5:23-24). That is what these sisters should have done. The Greek word for "be reconciled" is di-allasso. This word is never used for man to be reconciled to God. Then it is a different word, kat-allasso. Di-allasso denotes mutual concession after mutual hostility, an idea absent in kat-allasso. (Abbott-Smith, quoting Lightfoot). It would seem that when saints have a quarrel or misunderstanding, the Lord sees that generally, if not always, there is fault on both sides; and both need to make concessions. Euodia would have to make concessions to Syntyche, and Syntyche would need to make concessions to Euodia. There is a possible exception to this in the case of a wife who had left her husband and wished to be reconciled to him again: 1 Cor. 7:11: here katallasso is used. But this, perhaps, we can understand, as she (a Christian woman) had been told not to depart from her husband. I think every other case where this word is used, is speaking of man being reconciled to God: where, of course, man only is wrong, and makes concessions.

How gently and graciously the apostle speaks! The Philippians had thought of him in prison. He had heard of disputings among them: Euodias and Syntyche were not of the same mind; but he cannot rebuke them sharply when he had just received their kindness. "Fulfil ye my joy," if you want to make me perfectly happy, you will be like-minded, "having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind" - a rebuke, but a very gentle one. The spirit in which he writes is exceedingly beautiful.

It must be entirely a question of individual faith. You must walk before God in happy loving fellowship. You should both wait upon God together and seek to be of one mind in the Lord. This is your happy privilege. It is of the utmost importance for man and wife to cultivate the daily habit of waiting together on the Lord. It has a marvelous effect upon the whole range of domestic life. Bring everything before God, pour out your hearts together. Have no secrets, no reserve. Then will your hearts be knit together in holy love, and the current of your personal, conjugal and domestic life will flow peacefully and happily on, to the praise of Him who has made you one and called you to walk together as heirs of the grace of life.

Now I say as a husband, have I failed? What do I do if I have failed as a husband? Obviously the first thing to do is to get on my knees and confess my failure to the Lord in exactly the same way as I would confess any other failure. There is no difference. Let us be preserved from thinking that any failure in the home can be glossed over lightly because it does not reach the public eye. God sees us. We are under the eye of God. Any failure in the home must be confessed in exactly the same way as any public failure. And if the wife fails in any of her responsibilities she has exactly the same recourse for help and for blessing, to confess it. Then we must do something that we are not always prone to do, to confess it to each other that we might not fall into the same snare again and so avoid anything that would hinder the interests of the Lord. I believe with all my heart that Aquila and Priscilla would be such a couple, so concerned about doing what was right for the Lord that they would be harmoniously knitted together, united in the interests of the Lord. This is the attitude that governed their lives. What a delightful couple indeed.

"Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself; and discover not a secret to another; lest he that hears it put thee to shame, and thine infamy turn not away." How guarded must be the doors of our lips! Now that disagreement, discord, ill-feeling has come between neighbors, is it to be settled by spreading it elsewhere? Let us have grace and honest courage of heart to face our neighbor in a spirit of meekness and true concern, that a proper understanding may be obtained. How painful the innumerable cases of offense that have never been settled, but only aggravated, by selfish, thoughtless gossip, when a word of simple apology might have dismissed it forever!

"Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another: lest he that heareth it put thee to shame and thine infamy turn not away." How guarded must be the doors of our lips! Now that disagreement, discord. ill-feeling has come between neighbors, is it to be settled by spreading it elsewhere? Let us have grace and honest courage of heart to face our neighbour in a spirit of meekness and true concern, that a proper understanding may be obtained. How painful the innumerable cases of offense that have never been settled, but only aggravated, by selfish, thoughtless gossip, when but a word of simple apology might have dismissed it forever! But if I carry it to another, how many things might happen! It may lead to the other's so repeating it, as from me that I myself am shown in the most shameful light. This area of things is extremely delicate, and requires a real energy of communion with God to have wisdom to act rightly; for in certain cases there may be facts that others should know, and where to draw the line is a matter for serious exercise; but I must be careful not to be guilty of putting my neighbor in a wrong or bad light; and always before speaking, to judge in myself any feeling of personal grievance.

Then we are exhorted to be “slow to wrath,” to give “a soft answer” to an angry man. “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding” (Prov. 14:29). How necessary this is. It is not always wise to say things which in themselves may be quite true. What we say may rankle for years in a man’s mind and fester mentally like a bad case of blood-poisoning.

Much that is written in the Book of Proverbs is a reiteration of what is written before, which surely indicates a very real need on our part to be reminded again and again of what is wise and becoming. We may think it faithfulness to strongly, even harshly, reprove the words of an unwise person but God tells us, "A soft answer turns away wrath" (v. 1). For gentle words can still be faithful and true, and it is wise to cultivate a habit of calm, sober wisdom in answering unwise words. For "a harsh word stirs up strife." And the servant of the Lord must not strive, and should be gentle to all, able to teach, and patient (2 Tim. 2:24).

Lowliness and meekness are to characterise us: how else can we walk together? We have the same thing in Phil. 2, "lowliness of mind, each esteeming other better than themselves." Fellowship with each other is an impossibility, if self is allowed: heart-burnings and strife must surely follow. But suppose, in displaying lowliness and meekness, we find our brethren otherwise? Then comes the opportunity of exercising longsuffering and forbearance in love; and our earnest endeavour must be to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

The lowliness and meekness that make nothing of self lead to long-suffering and forbearance with others. We may find at times that others are not always lowly and meek, and this will call for long-suffering. We may have to suffer rebuffs and insults, and have to bear with those who act in this way. But we are warned that the forbearance is to be exercised in love. It is possible to bear with much in the spirit of pride that treats an offending brother with contempt. If we have to be silent, let it be with love that grieves over unworthy conduct.