Does a wife have to submit to her husband?

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:22-24.) It will be seen from this Scripture that the position of the wife is one of subjection. We say "position," because, as the careful reader will perceive, the exhortation is based upon the character of the relationship. The wife is indeed enjoined to obedience, but it is on the ground of the place she occupies. This has been somewhat obscured by the insertion of a word or two in the translation. We read, "As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be," etc.; but omit the word "let," which, as the italics indicate, has been introduced, and we have then a simple statement of fact: "As the church is subject unto Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything." It is important to notice this, because the obedience, which is here enjoined upon the wife, is then seen to be that which should flow out of the position in which she is set — the natural fruit of the relationship. In other words, obedience to her husband is not left to the choice of the wife, but is to be rendered because of her relative place. It is this fact the Spirit of God brings before our notice.

(1.) The law, then, of the wife is her husband's will; or rather she is put in the place of subjection to his authority. There would seem to be one limitation to this statement, indicated by the words which are found in Colossians, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." (Col. 3:18.) If therefore the will of the husband should interfere with the wife's individual responsibility to the Lord — come into conflict with the Lord's will as expressed in His word — if the alternative be forced upon her of obedience to her husband or disobedience to the Lord, then the Lord must have the supreme claim. With this solitary exception her submission to her husband must be complete. "As the church is subject unto Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything." There cannot thus be any allowed exception apart from the one named.

In this epistle it is not merely God's control that is brought out, but special relationship. Here it is the Lord loving His own, with a love that has sacrificed everything for their sake. How can I doubt the blessedness and value of submitting myself to the Lord? The Christian wife may have a husband; and it may be very painful and hard to bear all. Perhaps he makes nothing of you, and asks often what is unreasonable. But what will make the burden light, though felt? "Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." I am to submit unto my husband as unto the Lord: let me only see the Lord in the matter, instead of his inconsiderateness and bad temper, and my path is plain. It is made a matter, not of mere duty, but of confidence in the Lord as above everything in His love, care, and government. This is what the Holy Ghost first starts with, and makes to be the basis of all the various instructions that He is about to bring forth. He begins with the grand truth, that the christian woman is entitled to submit to her husband as unto the Lord. So that it is not made a question simply of affection, which would be human: this is a most necessary thing as a natural element, but it would be true if a person were not a Christian at all. Neither is it a question of that which the husband expects, or of what I might think to be right. All these things belong to the region of proper feeling and morality. But the important thing is that God cannot be with a christian woman who walks in the habitual slighting of His ground for her in her relationship as a wife. He will not allow a Christian to walk merely on moral or conventional grounds. They may be right enough in their place, but, if I am a Christian, I have a higher calling; and then, no matter what may be the difficulty — even if the one to whom I owe my subjection be not a Christian — here comes in the blessed direction, "Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." He entitles me to see Himself behind the person of the husband; and I have got to follow Him and to submit myself to Him. In this thought there would be great comfort for the christian wife who is ever so tried. But then the limit of the trial comes in — for there is a limit in every path — and it is this: that God never puts me in any circumstances where I am free to commit a sin. Therefore, supposing a husband were to command that which would be positively sinful, thence at once I learn that I am not bound, because I am told to submit to my husband, as unto the Lord. The Lord would never sanction what is sinful. He may put me through the sieve, and I may not at first understand the goodness or the need of it; but faith constantly finds its strength and guidance in the Lord's wisdom — in trusting Him, and not my wisdom in understanding Him. And you will find that we grow in wisdom by being content to take the place of having none. If my confidence is in His wisdom, I shall gather wisdom and grow in it. Our Lord was perfectly man; and although always perfect in every condition of life, yet the great mark of His perfectness lay in this — He was ever the dependent One who looked up to God, and who could say, "Wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" There was at once for man the lowest, but in truth, the highest place. He understood the secret of His own relationship to God the Father. And although this was true of Christ as of none others, yet it is surely true of every believer in measure.

But we have most carefully to watch ourselves in this matter. Wherever there is the smallest tendency to slip out of the path of submission, we have to search and see, if we are wise according to God. Nature never likes to be subject. And wherever there is a danger of pleading the truth of God for any act that might seem to be a want of submission to the authority of another, I have need to watch myself with greater jealousy than in any other thing. When we are found in a path where submission is the word, let us leave room to bring in the Lord. In order to give power and faith to our obedience, and a holy character to it, I should see that it is the Lord I am obeying, even while there is an earthly authority to which I am subjected. The blessed truth that the Lord was about to introduce begins to open to us. "For a husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the Church: he is Saviour of the body." (Ver. 23.) In this we have an allusion to the near relationship, which is intended to show us how we ought to walk towards one another in this respect. Although He, and none but He, is the Saviour, there is no taking the Church or the saint out of the place of subjection, but expressly the reverse.

Who would deny the Church's proper place in subjection to Christ? This submission is pictured in the wife's subjection to her own husband in everything. We should have no more difficulty in believing this than to believe that the Church should be subject to Christ. It is evident that the wife's subjection applies only insofar as it is really subjection to the Lord -- "as it is fitting in the Lord" (Col.3:18). If the husband demands that she disobey God, this is abnormal and she must not submit to him in this.

It may seem to some as if the duty of the wife, as so explained, were one of the hard sayings difficult to receive. And to nature, no doubt, it would be often impossible. But mark the provision made for this in the Word: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Thus the Lord Himself is brought before the mind of the wife; and we all know that things which in themselves are irksome and indeed intolerable are rendered light and joyous when done unto the Lord. So in the case supposed, if the wife keep the Lord before her — sees the Lord as it were behind her husband — she will End obedience easy to his most unreasonable commands, because she will then receive all from the Lord.

If, however, "a husband were to command that which would be positively sinful, then at once I learn that I am not bound, because I am told to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. The Lord would never sanction what is sinful. He may put me through the sieve, and I may not at first understand the goodness or the need of it; but faith constantly finds its strength and guidance in the Lord's wisdom — in trusting Him, and not my wisdom in understanding Him. … But we have most carefully to watch ourselves in this matter. Wherever there is the smallest tendency to slip out of the path of submission, we have to search and see, if we are wise according to God. Nature never likes to be subject. And wherever there is a danger of pleading the truth of God for any act that might seem to be a want of submission to the authority of another, I have need to watch myself with greater jealousy than in any other thing" (Lectures on the Ephesians, by W. K.)

This remark applies very specially to this chapter. He begins with the wives, and supposes that many may have unconverted husbands. Subjection was that which the Lord had laid on the wife; but this thought might arise in her heart, Am I to obey a husband who is unconverted? Never mind, the Lord says, you be in subjection. Then the difficulty might come, What if he asked me to do anything that would lead to the dishonour of God? The answer is simple. It never can be the path of a Christian to dishonour Christ.

(1 Peter 3:1-2,) "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." There might come in even the very point that the wife sees, the privilege of the Table of the Lord, and the husband forbids her going. What is she to do? I believe her path is clear; it is not a command of the Lord, but a privilege, and therefore if the husband forbids, it is the duty of the wife to be subject, till God clear the way, which, in His own time, He may do. The principle is subjection, and that God owns, and we can never traverse the Word of the Lord without distinct retributive judgment following, sooner or later, from the Lord. How much better is it quietly to wait on the Lord for Him to remove the difficulty, than for her to take the bit in her teeth and say, "It is a privilege, and I mean to have it at all costs."

What a place of honour God has placed the Christian "wife" in! Are you going to refuse it? or to deny it practically, after you have accepted it? Remember, it is a place where God has put you. It was your free choice, when you entered upon it, but seeking as we trust, and you would own yourself, His guidance, and according to His will. If you have taken that place without inquiring of Him, according to your own will, and have to suffer for it, this cannot alter your position, nor take you out of it, as long as you, or your husband, are in the body. You cannot alter the fact of your being subjected (according to God's will) to your husband, even as the Church is subjected to Christ. You cannot wrench yourself out of it, as little as you can wrench your arm from your body. If you try it, you may have to smart for it, but you are in that place. I know some, who have tried to do so, but they suffered acutely for it under God's governmental hand, and years of sorrow, trial, and misery in the life of many a Christian woman, yea, and gifted and devoted women, could be traced back to their attempting to step out of the place of subjection, in which God, or they themselves, under God's permitting government, had put them.

Mark the expression: "in everything." The word of God here is most decisive and clear, and leaves no loophole for any modification for such cases, as: husbands inferior to their wives in natural and intellectual capacities, or demanding unreasonable things, being unkind, yea, cruel. Most trying as such cases may be to faith and patience, there is no ambiguity in the divine injunction: "in every thing," always with the exception of cases, as mentioned above, where the will of the husband is in conflict with the supreme authority of God and His word. The mere pleading of "conscience" won't do, unless it be based on the Word of God. The open world and the religious world both constantly plead "conscience," either as an excuse for disobedience to divinely appointed authorities, or to cloak self-will and self-indulgence. Besides, there are many with morbidly scrupulous consciences; and is the divine authority of Holy Writ to be superseded or modified by such? However much such cases of honest but morbid consciences may call for our pity and sympathy and prayerful intercession, under no plea whatever dare we modify the Word of God, where its commandments are so clearly laid down as here (though the Scriptures are always clear in themselves, and will be made clear to those who understand or desire to understand the perfect will of God, as revealed in His own Word). Once begin to modify the written Word, and there is no knowing where you may stop. It is of the utmost importance for the spiritual safety and welfare of every Christian, to bear this in mind!

It is easy to understand, that, as with servants, so with wives, Christians who stand in the subject place might and must find frequent difficulty with heathen or Jewish superiors to whom they were so near. For the mind of the flesh is enmity against God; and it is provoked by what is of the Spirit in those whom they command. A Christian wife cannot give up a conscience toward God in matters of right and wrong; again she has objects of faith dearer to her soul than life which claim her allegiance and observance, in public as well as private ways utterly repugnant to unbelievers of every sort.

There is similar instruction for wives, for theirs is the subject place, certainly not as slaves to a master, but as joined to their "own husbands," a most-intimate and precious relationship. Because he is her "own," this is an incentive for her genuine, heartfelt subjection. Of course, if he demands that she do wrong, she must not submit to this; but otherwise a spirit of cheerful subjection is that which honors her Lord. Her husband may be an unbeliever, not obeying the Word of God. But she is to obey nevertheless, for it may be that by this very means the husband will be won to the Lord. Her godly subjection pervading her entire manner of life is itself an evidence of the power of the Word of God over her; and she may win him without preaching the Word to him. This is much more becoming on the part of a wife. It is called "chaste conversation coupled with fear," in other words, a manner of life free from adulteration, having the wholesome fear of God in view.

The practical exhortations are now extended to the marriage relation, how wives and husbands should be royal priests, showing forth His excellencies in their divinely sanctioned union, as man and wife. The wife is mentioned first, for her place is the highest, the place of submission, which in God's eyes is the place of honor. The case of a wife is stated who has an unbelieving husband. Is she to submit to him, who is an unbeliever? Must she be obedient to such a one? How often wives placed in this position have listened to the evil councils of others, and, instead of submitting to the demands of an unbelieving husband, have resisted him, and as a result misery came upon them. Let it be noticed that the Holy Spirit insists on obedience; the fact of the disobedient husband is given as a reason for submission. Then there is a promise. The unbelieving husband is to be won without the Word, that is, without preaching in a public service, by the godly life of meekness and submission of the believing wife. This is the advice of the Holy Spirit, and many times the promise given to the believing wife has been made good.

In all our relations two parties are involved. It is so here. The marriage relation is taken up as between wives and husbands; the family as between children and parents; the industrial as between servants and masters. Each of the three relationships, as instituted by God, involves this, that one party shall assume the lead and the other shall be subject. Moreover, this is not a point which is left for negotiation and arrangement as between various individuals entering upon the relationship. It is a matter which is settled by the Word of God.

In each of the three cases those who have the place of subjection are addressed first. Subjection becomes the wife; obedience, the child. In the case of the servant there is to be not only obedience but heartiness and integrity. The most striking thing about the exhortations in each case is the way everything is to be done as in the sight of the Lord. This lifts the whole matter on to the loftiest plane. The wife is subject, but it is, "in the Lord." This implies that the prime reason for her subjection is that it is the Lord's appointment. She is subject to her husband as expressing her subjection to her Lord. It is to be hoped of course that her husband bears such a character that subjection to him is no hardship but a pleasure. But even were it otherwise she would still be subject, seeing it is to the Lord.