Likewise, wives, [be] subject to your own husbands, that, even if any are disobedient to the word, they may be gained without [the] word by the conversation of the wives,
Peter has just held up Christ, who suffered without threatening and entrusted Himself to God, and now he turns to the home — to a wife whose husband may want nothing to do with her faith. The verse asks how a Christian is to live under an authority that does not share her convictions, and it answers with a strategy that uses no argument at all.
The opening word looks backwards. It ties the wife's place to the One described at the end of the previous chapter.
The word "subjection" or "subject" occurs seven times in this letter, and "suffer" or "sufferings" nineteen times. "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands" — likewise to what? To Him who took the subject place at the end of 1 Peter 2. And how blessed to know this! He who took the place of subjection here now has His place on high, with all there subject to Him, at the close of chapter 3.
Being under authority says nothing about worth. One writer explains it with an everyday comparison.
Subjection, remember, does not mean inferiority. In business partnerships two men may be equal partners, and yet one of them counts as the senior, and the final decision rests with him. So in the marriage bond, creation fitted the man for the senior, directing place in the partnership, and the woman for the subject place. Yet she is an heir together with her husband of the grace of life, and she shares with him in his exercises and prayers.
The phrase is affectionate, not cold. And the obedience it asks for has a boundary.
There is similar instruction for wives. Theirs is the subject place — not as slaves to a master, but as women joined to their "own husbands," a most intimate and precious relationship. Because he is her "own," this is an incentive for her genuine, heartfelt subjection. Of course, if he demands that she do wrong, she must not submit. Otherwise, a spirit of cheerful subjection honours her Lord.
Many reason the opposite way: a husband who rejects the word has no claim to be followed. Peter's reasoning runs the other way, and it adds a promise.
How often wives in this position have listened to the evil advice of others! Instead of submitting to the demands of an unbelieving husband, they have resisted him, and misery came upon them as a result. Notice that the Holy Spirit insists on obedience. He gives the fact of the disobedient husband as a reason for submission. Then there is a promise. The believing wife is to win her unbelieving husband without the Word — that is, without preaching in a public service — by her godly life of meekness and submission.
Words make no impression on such a husband. His conscience is another matter.
The unbeliever slights the word and has no idea of its power when the Spirit reveals Christ through it to the soul. But the practical bearing has immense weight with someone who knows neither God nor himself. His conscience can value gentleness, humility, patience and obedience in another very highly — above all when that other is his wife. He knows well how unreasonable and unkind he has often been to her. Yet she has borne it. She never complained and never blamed him, but stayed as loving and dutiful as ever. He cannot help feeling that there must be something behind the difference in her — the faith he so often mocked. This does not mean anyone can be born of God without the word; 1 Peter 1:23 forbids such a thought. But the moral weight and gracious way of the wife tell on the hard husband, and he is won to hear — all the more because she does not preach at him, as he calls it.
The Greek behind "without a word" is emphatic. Peter chose the stronger of two available words:
1 Peter 3:1 shows how unbelieving husbands may be won absolutely without the word, by the godly conduct of saintly wives.
Her silence toward her husband is not silence toward God.
The grace that saved us encourages faith to look to our God and Father on behalf of others who need it no less than we once did. And if He sought and saved me, a lost sinner, may I not pray all the more for my husband, dark and dead as he is? I stand in so close a relationship to him.
The same method fits every household where one believes and others do not.
Her husband may refuse to let her present the gospel to him. What is she to do? She is to obey her husband as a dutiful wife and seek to win him by the silent sermon of her life. So with our other unsaved relatives. We have to give them affection and proper attention, and seek tactfully to win them for Christ.
- Likewise — her place is no demotion invented for women. It copies Christ, who took the subject place and is now on high, with everything subject to Him.
- Not inferior — subjection is order, not rank. She is a fellow heir and equal partner; the directing place is his.
- Her own — the word is warm, and the duty has one boundary: she never submits to doing wrong.
- Without a word — when he refuses preaching, patience and gentle love reach the conscience the word cannot get past. He is won to hear.
- Won — Peter makes his unbelief the reason for her submission, and adds a promise: the life she lives and the prayers she prays may gain him.
having witnessed your pure conversation [carried out] in fear;
An unbelieving husband may refuse to hear a word about God. He still watches his wife. Peter says that what he sees can do what words never did. So two questions matter here: why is such a life so persuasive, and what is the "fear" that goes with it?
A husband who dismisses the Bible has no way to dismiss the person living beside him. One commentator traces how the case builds in his conscience, day after day.
The unbeliever treats the word lightly. He has no idea of its power, when the Spirit uses it to reveal Christ to the soul. But what he sees in practice weighs heavily with a man who knows neither God nor himself. His conscience can value gentleness, humility, patience and obedience in another person. It values them all the more when that person is his wife. He knows well how unreasonable and unkind he has often been to her. Yet she has borne it. She never complained and never blamed him, but stayed as loving and dutiful as ever. He cannot help feeling that something in her faith — the faith he often mocked — must make the difference.
Peter tells the wife what to be, not what to say. Her silence is not second best. It is God's chosen method.
This is almost a promise. Loving obedience, a consistent Christian walk and purity of life will be blessed to the conversion of ungodly husbands. Or, if it promises less than that, it still says this much: God has appointed such a life as His means of bringing the truth before their minds and consciences. And what could be more effective than showing Christ to an unbeliever, constantly and silently, by the way she lives?
Her silence has a limit. No one is born again without the gospel. Her conduct opens his ears; it does not replace the message.
This does not mean that anyone can be born of God without the word. 1 Peter 1:23 rules that out as firmly as James 1:18 and many other Scriptures do. But the moral weight and the gracious way of the wife have their effect on the hard husband. They win him to listen, all the more because she does not preach at him, as he calls it. The day will declare how many have come to hear the gospel this way.
So what does such conduct look like day to day?
Her godly subjection runs through her entire manner of life. That is itself evidence of the power of the Word of God over her. So she may win him without preaching the Word to him. This is far more fitting on the part of a wife. It is called "respectful and pure conduct" — in other words, a manner of life with nothing mixed into it, keeping the wholesome fear of God in view.
Commentators differ on where this fear is directed. One links it to the place God gave the husband.
The word "fear" is the same word translated "reverence" in Ephesians. It teaches that her manner should show she recognises the position the husband holds in the order and appointment of God. There is no thought of slavish dread here, only the loving reverence that seeks to please and fears to offend.
Others read the fear as directed to God — a care not to misrepresent Him. They see in that the highest testimony a believer can give.
It is a wonderful thing to bring a soul to God by a life. For any believer, I can imagine no higher testimony than this: a quiet walk of subjection to God has shown Christ to a soul. Thank God, many a careless husband has been converted through the silent godly testimony of a woman. She always did the right thing, because she was always thinking of pleasing God. The fear here is over the danger of overstepping one word of the Lord's — the fear of misrepresenting Him.
Kelly holds both together, describing it as "not boldness or self-confidence, but tempered by the dread of offending God or her husband."
- Seen, not said — no one asks the husband who refuses the word to listen. God gives him something to watch instead, and appoints that as His means.
- Seen in daily life — purity here is a whole way of life with nothing mixed into it. It proves the Word's power over her before she ever quotes it to him.
- Seen in reverence — the fear is loving respect, not dread. It seeks to please and fears to offend, honouring God and the place He gave her husband.
- Seen and then heard — no one is born of God apart from the word. Her life wins him to listen, all the more because she never preaches at him.
- Seen and won — a soul brought to God by a quiet life is testimony of the highest order. Many a careless husband has come to God this way.