Did women in the Bible have a choice about whom they married?

Verses 36-38. "But if any one think that he is behaving uncomely toward his virgin," etc. The doctrine of these verses seems to be as follows: Paul had distinctly affirmed the excellency of single in comparison with married life, dwelling more especially upon the case of virgins. Now a virgin is at the disposal of her parent. Should he, then, determine not to give her away in marriage? That, he affirms, would, as a rule, be the better way. (v. 38.) But arbitrary decisions, which are established only by the sacrifice of others' happiness, are never pleasing in the sight of God. There must be no tears upon His altars.4 Let the Christian father, then, have due respect to the affections of his child. He should, indeed, commend to her the higher path; but let him not turn a privilege into a punishment, by condemning her to an unwilling celibacy. It were less comely to be a repining virgin than a rejoicing bride. Let him act, then, in such a case, as nature prompts, and God allows. Parental authority should never be so exercised as to provoke a just anger in the child.5 There is no sin in this question, and God is to be remembered in His gifts.6 Let them marry. But where the daughter is willing to remain a virgin, and no moral necessity dissuades the parent from the "better "course, let not the ordinary objects of matrimonial alliance, such as provision for life, advancement in the world, etc., be listened to by a Christian parent in the interests of his child. She cannot elsewhere fill so honourable a place as that of an undistracted handmaid of the Lord. Let her parent prefer this for her, while he has the liberty of choice. But the engagement of her affections to another would be a necessity to which he ought to yield, and in giving her in marriage in such case he would be doing well. He would do better to withhold her than to give her, if no will but his own had to be sacrificed; but his virgin must not be his victim also.

a second husband is acknowledged is in perfect keeping with his general doctrine. A virgin is not absolutely at her own disposal; a widow is. In the former case, the will of the parent is directed; in the latter, that of the woman; for liberty is the state of a believer, which cannot be changed by arbitrary ordinances. A second marriage is upon the same footing, morally, as the first. One restriction only is imposed upon the Christian widow's liberty of self-disposal. If she marry, it must be in the Lord. To give herself to one who did not love Him, would be to deny the sanctity of her own standing as a believer; or, as the same witness has expressed it elsewhere, "to wax wanton against Christ," and mark herself for judgment, by renouncing practically her first faith. With this proviso, she may marry whom she will. Nay, there are cases when a second marriage is enjoined; for if single life is not spent diligently for the Lord, it is a burden and a snare. It is better that a woman be a wife and mother in the Lord, than a gossiping wanderer from house to house.8 Nevertheless, he continues:

Thus much as to the marvellous results of faith. But then we must remember that there is moral danger arising out of the very dignity and elevation which faith confers on those who, through grace, are enabled to exercise it; and this danger must be carefully guarded against. This is strikingly illustrated in the further history of the daughters of Zelophehad, as recorded in the last chapter of our book. "And the chief fathers of the families of the children of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of the sons of Joseph, came near, and spake before Moses, and before the princes, the chief fathers of the children of Israel: and they said, The Lord commanded my lord to give the land for an inheritance by lot to the children of Israel: and my lord was commanded by the Lord to give the inheritance of Zelophehad our brother to his daughters. And if they be married to any of the sons of the other tribes of the children of Israel, then shall their inheritance be taken from the inheritance of our fathers, and shall be put to the inheritance of the tribe whereunto they were received: so shall it be taken from the lot of our inheritance. And when the jubilee of the children of Israel shall be, then shall their inheritance be put to the inheritance of the tribe whereunto they are received: so shall their inheritance be taken away from the inheritance of the tribe of our fathers. And Moses commanded the children of Israel according to the word of the Lord, saying, "The tribe of the sons of Joseph has said well." Numbers 36:1-5.

The "fathers" of the house of Joseph must be heard as well as the "daughters." The faith of the latter was most lovely; but there was just a danger lest, in the elevation to which that faith had raised them, they might forget the claims of others, and remove the landmarks which guarded the inheritance of their fathers. This had to be thought of and provided for. It was natural to suppose that the daughters of Zelophehad would marry; and moreover it was possible they might form an alliance outside the boundaries of their tribe; and thus in the year of jubilee — that grand adjusting institution — instead of adjustment, there would be confusion, and a permanent breach in the inheritance of Manasseh. This would never do; and therefore the wisdom of those ancient fathers is very apparent. We need to be guarded on every side, in order that the integrity of faith and the testimony may be duly maintained. We are not to carry things with a high hand and a strong will, though we have ever such strong faith, but be ever ready to yield ourselves to the adjusting power of the whole truth of God.

"This is the thing which the Lord doth command concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, saying, Let them marry to whom they think best, only to the family of the tribe of their father shall they marry; so shall not the inheritance of the children of Israel remove from tribe to tribe; for every one of the children of Israel shall keep himself to the inheritance of the tribe of his fathers … . Even as the Lord commanded Moses, so did the daughters of Zelophehad; for they [the five daughters] were married to their father's brothers' sons. And they were married into the families of the sons of Manasseh, the son of Joseph; and their inheritance remained in the tribe of the family of their father." Verses 6-12.

Passing now to Numbers 36 we find that another perplexity sprang out of the settlement of this question. The chief of the families of the children of Gilead come in this instance to Moses. Their concern was for the inheritance of the tribe; for if these daughters of Zelophehad "be married," they say, "to any of the sons of the other tribes of the children of Israel, then shall their inheritance be taken from the inheritance of our fathers, and shall be put to the inheritance of the tribe whereunto they are received: so shall it be taken from the lot of our inheritance;" and furthermore, they proceed to say, when the jubilee arrives, the inheritance, so taken away, will be finally added to that of the tribe into which these women had married. Once again, Moses receives directions from Jehovah, who commands that the daughters of Zelophehad shall marry "to whom they think best," only it must be to those of their own tribe; and in this way was the difficulty, both on the present occasion and for all future time, completely removed.

Passing now to Numbers 36 we find that another perplexity sprang out of the settlement of this question. The chief of the families of the children of Gilead come in this instance to Moses. Their concern was for the inheritance of the tribe; for if these daughters of Zelophehad "be married," they say, "to any of the sons of the other tribes of the children of Israel, then shall their inheritance be taken from the inheritance of our fathers, and shall be put to the inheritance of the tribe whereunto they are received: so shall it be taken from the lot of our inheritance;" and furthermore, they proceed to say, when the jubilee arrives, the inheritance, so taken away, will be finally added to that of the tribe into which these women had married. Once again, Moses receives directions from Jehovah, who commands that the daughters of Zelophehad shall marry "to whom they think best," only it must be to those of their own tribe; and in this way was the difficulty, both on the present occasion and for all future time, completely removed.

But faith has its restraints as well as its possessions. The question arose shortly afterwards in regard to these women as to what was to become of the land allotted to them if they married. The command is given that, if they take the land, "only to the family of the tribe of thy father shalt thou marry." Some would have thought this to be an objectionable restraint; but it was of absolute necessity so as not to alienate the property; and every faculty and privilege carries a restraint with it. "Property also has its duties." At any rate it is characteristic of Zelophehad's daughters, that they accept the condition imposed and observe it with loyalty and submission, though they had not as yet seen so much as a grain of the earth of their promised possession.

The daughters of Zelophehad had before been assured of inheriting the possession of their father who had died. The problem remained for his tribe (Manasseh) as to whether these daughters might be married to husbands of a different tribe. God gave the answer that these daughters must not marry outside their own tribe. In the Church of God today there are no tribes, for it is "one body," but believers are warned not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Cor.6:14), a matter that every believer should carefully observe. It is good that these young women submitted to these instructions, and married within their tribe.

This is the answer to Manasseh's request: "Every daughter, that possesseth an inheritance among the tribes of the children of Israel, shall be married to one of the family of the tribe of her father, that the children of Israel may possess every one the inheritance of his fathers, and the inheritance shall not pass from one tribe to another tribe; for each of the tribes of the children of Israel shall keep to his inheritance" (vv. 8-9). Thus from a particular case God draws a general principle, which immediately becomes obligatory. Even so we recall the institution of the Supper, of the first day of the week, the collections, and a special case of discipline at Corinth, all of them becoming general obligations. "Even as Jehovah had commanded Moses, so did the daughters of Zelophehad" (v. 10). They themselves regarded the revelation which had been given them and which answered to their particular need as a commandment of Jehovah.

This is the answer to Manasseh's request: “Every daughter, that possesses an inheritance among the tribes of the children of Israel, shall be married to one of the family of the tribe of her father, that the children of Israel may possess every one the inheritance of his fathers, and the inheritance shall not pass from one tribe to another tribe; for each of the tribes of the children of Israel shall keep to his inheritance” (vv. 8-9). Thus from a particular case God draws a general principle, which immediately becomes obligatory. Even so we recall the institution of the Supper, of the first day of the week, the collections, and a special case of discipline at Corinth, all of them becoming general obligations. “Even as Jehovah had commanded Moses, so did the daughters of Zelophehad” (v. 10). They themselves regarded the revelation which had been given them and which answered to their particular need as a commandment of Jehovah.

(3) Here the daughters of Zelophehad come again before us through the representatives of the chiefs of the families of Manasseh. The former decision in their favor has secured that the inheritance of their father shall become their own but there is danger thus that, if they contract marriages outside the tribe, the inheritance may through them pass out of the possession of the tribe, and the whole stability of the tribal possession be overthrown. It is ordained, therefore, that in such a case as this the heiress of a father shall marry within the tribe, and the inheritance of each tribe be secured to it in perpetuity. Weakness may have come in, and the lack of male heirs seem to give the inheritance into the hand of others, out of whose hand again the very institution of the jubilee would prevent it passing. But all things must give way to the first great necessity that the inheritance allotted of God must remain with those to whom it was allotted. Nothing shall alter this; nothing, blessed be God, shall prevent any of His own from enjoying for eternity the inheritance prepared.