Dealing with negative people - what does the Bible say?

The next exhortation has reference to our conduct towards our fellow Christians, who may be trying and difficult to get on with. Our conduct to such is to be “with long suffering, forbearing one another in love” (Eph. 4:2). Long-suffering does not mean to bear something once or twice, and then think we have done nobly, but to be prepared to put up with a trying brother, or sister for years, if needs be. The difficult thing is to forbear IN LOVE. We get an example in this when Peter asked the Lord if he should forgive his brother, who had sinned against him, up to seven times. Our Lord replied, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22).

But how will this work out in practice? Simply enough. If there is a Christian upon earth with whom you have a quarrel, forgive him, and do it at once. If there is one who tries and irritates you, show forbearance, put on with regard to him bowels of mercies, humbleness of mind, meekness, and long-suffering; let love cover all your actions to all who are fellow-members with you of the body of which Christ is Head. Take this group of heavenly graces, make them your study daily, and determine by the grace of Christ that they shall be your standard, even though you fail, for you had better stumble aiming at the highest than walk securely on a lower plane.

Bearing with others involves the restraining of any negative reaction to things that tend to provoke people. How true was this of the Lord Jesus, and with this is linked the forgiving of others. We know that those words from the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk.13:34) came from the depths of His loving heart. Thus, for us too forgiveness should be frank and ungrudging.

The lowliness and meekness that make nothing of self lead to long-suffering and forbearance with others. We may find at times that others are not always lowly and meek, and this will call for long-suffering. We may have to suffer rebuffs and insults, and have to bear with those who act in this way. But we are warned that the forbearance is to be exercised in love. It is possible to bear with much in the spirit of pride that treats an offending brother with contempt. If we have to be silent, let it be with love that grieves over unworthy conduct.

To be longsuffering is literally to be long-tempered. Where there is this quality there is not a rash reaction to provocation but self-control. If a response is appropriate, it is a considered one. We are to bear with one another, remembering that ‘we all often offend’ (Jms. 3:2). How much Christ bears with in us! Should we not bear with one another?

Perhaps you will say to me, I am surrounded by most difficult people to get on with. Very likely. Do you think they are worse than those who murmured at Moses? If so, there is a fine opportunity for you to show them long-suffering, forbearing one another in love. It is what God's dear people everywhere need, and what every Christian needs the Lord will give us, if we seek His face.

Longsuffering will lead to exactly this. To forbear the other does not only mean to be ready to bear the burdens of others, but also to bear with their weaknesses. This is exactly what the Lord Jesus did with His disciples. They had a lot of flaws but He was ready to bear with them. It may even be that we must bear with the brother himself if he has become a burden to others. And we should not forget that Paul says: ‘forbearing one another’. This is not a ‘one-way street’. Today, I may be the one who must do this; tomorrow, I may be the one who must be borne with by others.

Long-suffering has reference more to trying circumstances; forbearing one another refers to trying people. We rightly speak of a person showing great forbearance in the presence of provocation. This provocation may be general— something that calls for the forbearance of all. There may also be personal wrongs, which would give just cause for complaint by the one wronged. Such personal wrongs call for forgiveness. The measure of the forgiveness is to be even as Christ forgave us.

These features continue in verse 13. Is there a brother or sister who we cannot put up with or we have a quarrel with? Well, let me give you some advice, "forbear one another", "forgive one another", with this high standard, "even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye". The standard is very high because you and I through infinite grace have been given the ability by God whereby we can keep to the very letter of all these things.

If we ponder over the thought how the blessed Lord has borne with all our shortcomings, it will enable us to walk quietly and lovingly with those Christians with whom God in His wondrous grace has privileged us to be associated. Hence the Apostle exhorted the Christians in Ephesus to put away all bitterness and malice, to be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another in the same way that God for Christ's sake had forgiven them. (Eph. 4:31-32). To forgive in all the tenderness in which God forgives is a natural impossibility, but it is no more than the normal standard of Christianity. Until that fast approaching day when He shall call us up and all possibilities of the development of fissures be removed, may we be found gladdening the heart of Christ in this way.