Make no friendship with an angry man, and go not with a furious man;
This proverb warns about the company we keep. It rules out two things: making a friend of a hot-tempered man, and even walking with him. The question is not what his anger does to him. It is what it will do to you.
One commentator lists what can go wrong in such a friendship. The first risk is being caught up in what the angry man does to someone else:
A man who easily loses his temper is certainly not fit to be one's friend (v. 24). He may simply be present when that man's rage injures or kills someone. Even then, he will face the same accusation as the furious man. Or, he may find that he becomes the victim of the angry man's rage. Or he may learn the angry man's ways, and his soul be snared in such evil (v. 25).
Watching a bad temper up close ought to cure you of it. Often the opposite happens.
With a man given to anger, it is hard to keep friends, and unsafe to make one. Go with a furious man and you risk learning his ways. So you get a snare instead of a deterrent.
Behind this one warning stands a wider rule: you become like the people you walk with. One commentator sets the two directions side by side:
Since the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, the heart values the company and advice of the wise, and walking with them teaches good lessons. But a companion of fools shows all too clearly where his heart is. He cannot escape being corrupted by their bad company, and unless someone rescues him he will be destroyed.
One writer turns that into direct advice — choose your friends on purpose:
Choose only committed Christians as your friends. Make sure your companions are firmly on the Lord's side. A man is known by the company he keeps. Stay clear of people with loose opinions and lax morals. Your companions will influence you either for good or for evil.
Loving such a man does not make him safe to be near. One commentator explains why rescuing him settles nothing:
He is "a man of great wrath," set off by any word or action that does not please his rash mind. What is the result? He "will pay the penalty." The sad thing is that neither he nor anyone else can say what will come next. Love him as much as you like: his hasty temper is a constant danger. "For if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again." Christ is the only Deliverer equal to the need, and not only through His redemption but through the power of abiding in Him.
Hot temper often defends itself by pointing at a real wrong. One commentator answers that defence — the anger does not fix the evil it attacks:
A man may even have clear thoughts about right and wrong. Even so, his fierce anger against wrong will not correct it. It will stir up strife and cause worse friction than the evil he condemns. If a man has formed a character like this, the harm he will do cannot be measured. In fact his fury against what he considers wrong will cause him to "abound in transgression": his wrongs will be more than those he denounces.
The verse sifts your friends, and then it turns on you. Kelly moves from the proverb to the call not to let anger sit overnight, and on to forgiveness:
"Do not let the sun go down on your anger," says the Apostle. To refuse him here is to give the devil an opportunity. Even when we have serious reason to be angry, the only right Christian feeling is to forgive. "If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." You who are slow to let go of your wrongs — wrongs that may only be imagined — do you believe Christ's words?
- Company — walk with the wise and you learn good lessons; walk with fools and you cannot come away undamaged.
- Catching — the risk is imitation: you learn his ways, and what should have warned you off becomes a snare.
- Constant danger — a hasty temper is unpredictable. Rescue such a man once and you will have to do it again. Christ alone is the Deliverer equal to the need.
- Counterproductive — even anger aimed at real wrong does not correct it. It stirs up strife and multiplies the angry man's own wrongs.
- Choose, then check yourself — pick friends who are firmly on the Lord's side. Then refuse to let your own anger outlast the day.
lest thou learn his paths, and get a snare to thy soul.
This verse gives the reason for the warning just before it. Keep company with an angry man and two things follow: you pick up his ways, and a snare closes on you.
The command is not to avoid all contact with a hot-tempered man. It is to refuse his friendship and his road. One writer explains why that tie is unsafe on both counts:
With a man given to anger, it is hard to keep friends, and unsafe to make a friend. To go with a furious soul is to run the risk of learning his ways, and so to get a snare instead of a warning. "Do not let the sun go down on your anger," says the Apostle. Not to listen to him here is to give place to the devil. Even if we have serious reason, the only right Christian feeling is to forgive. And if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses.
A man in a rage should put you off anger for life. Live close to him and the opposite happens: he teaches you.
Nobody sits you down and teaches you. You absorb it, and you absorb it downward: you sink to the level of your company instead of lifting it to yours. One writer separates the contact we cannot avoid from the company we choose:
The lowest society you keep is what colours you. Many a person, I have no doubt, gets into low society, and he is corrupted and damaged before he knows where he is... A man or woman is spoilt by the company he or she keeps. I do not mean in business. There is no idea of company in business. That is not company. You are then on the alert. I mean social company, where you can relax; do you understand? In business you keep your eyes open.
The trap is not only that you copy him. Standing beside an angry man exposes you to his damage and his blame as well:
A man who easily loses his temper is certainly not fit to be one's friend (v. 24). Suppose he is with such a man when the man's rage causes injury or death to someone. He will find himself under the same accusation as the furious man. Or, he may find that he becomes the victim of the angry man's rage. Or he may learn the angry man's ways, and his soul be snared in such evil (v. 25).
Three doors into one snare — shared blame, injury, and infection — and you do not choose which one closes on you. The last shuts on the soul.
Anger with a real cause is still catching. One writer shows where it ends, commenting on the warning not to fret yourself into evil:
Anger and wrath can take possession of our spirits, even when sin is what provoked them. Our views and judgments turn fretful, and in the end we are trapped into something sinful ourselves. And what a tragedy that is! Sinning ourselves, because angry against something sinful!
The snare does not announce itself. It arrives dressed as anger at something truly wrong.
But should love not stay near and help? One writer answers that a hot temper is a repeating danger, not a one-off crisis, and points elsewhere for the cure:
Look next at one not accustomed to bear the yoke in his youth. He is "a man of great wrath," overcome by any word or work which does not please his rash mind; what is the result? He "will pay the penalty," and the sad thing is that neither he nor anyone else can say what comes next. Love him as you may, his hasty temper is constant danger. "For if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again." Christ is the only Deliverer who is enough, and not only by His redemption but by the power of abiding in Him.
That is not a reason to stop caring. It is a reason to stop pretending your closeness is the cure.
- Company colours. The company you relax in is the company that shapes you. Friendship, not business, is where an angry man's ways pass to you.
- Learn. The first cost is imitation. Go with a furious soul and you learn his ways: his example becomes a lesson instead of a warning.
- Snare. The second cost is entanglement — shared blame for his rage, injury from it, or your own soul caught in the same evil.
- Deceived. The trap works best on those who feel justified. Anger provoked by real sin still ends in sin of your own.
- Deliverer. Loving an angry man will not cure him. Rescue him once and you must rescue him again. Christ alone is Deliverer enough — and when you are wronged, forgive before the day ends.