What does the Bible say about self-esteem?

Another matter for our attentive contemplation is that all believers are "accepted in the Beloved" (Ephesians 1:6). Christ is the Beloved of God, who has been raised from the dead and exalted to God's right hand, and "in Christ" every believer is just as perfectly accepted and beloved as He Himself is before God. Let us take time to think deeply of His exaltation and our acceptance in Him. Yet let us refuse utterly the common teaching today of "self-love," self-esteem," and "self-worth." This is merely confidence in the flesh. "In the flesh" man is worthless: "they that are in the flesh cannot please God" (Romans 8:8). But "in Christ" you are of great value to God, for this is a position of absolute perfection.

The very first point where our conformity to the thoughts of God — and consequent non-conformity to the thoughts of the world — will be manifested, is in connection with self-esteem. Naturally each of us thinks no end of himself, for we have not learned to take our true measure before God. The more our minds are renewed the more we see ourselves as God sees us, and know that it is the measure of our faith that counts with Him. Faith brings God into our lives, and hence the measure of faith determines our spiritual calibre. We once heard a Christian remark of another, with gravity and a tinge of sadness, "Well, if we could buy that good brother at the price we put upon him, and sell him again at the price he places upon himself, we should make a huge profit!" God help us to learn how to think with great sobriety as to ourselves, realizing that not intellect, not social status, not money resources, not natural gifts but faith is the determining factor.

It is better to be thinking of what God is than of what we are. This looking at ourselves, at the bottom is really pride, a want of the thorough consciousness that we are good for nothing. Till we see this we never look quite away from self to God. In looking to Christ it is our privilege to forget ourselves. True humility does not so much consist in thinking badly of ourselves, as in not thinking of ourselves at all. I am too bad to be worth thinking about. What I want is to forget myself and to look to God, who is indeed worth all my thoughts. Is there need of being humbled about ourselves? We may be quite sure that will do it. Beloved, if we can say as in Romans 7 “in me, (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing”, we have thought quite long enough about ourselves; let us then think about Him who thought about us with thoughts of good and not of evil, long before we had thought of ourselves at all. Let us see what His thoughts of grace about us are and take up the words of faith “If God be for us, who can be against us?”.

We may talk in a lowly way of ourselves, but self-depreciation is no evidence of the lowly mind, rather the reverse. In self-depreciation we are, after all, talking about ourselves, and this may be the worst form of pride — the pride of humility. The lowly mind does not think of self — good or bad — it thinks of others to serve in love. It is the ignoring of self, not the depreciation of self.

But Gideon is not alone in this. How common it is to find those who have done with boasting and thinking they are great, now occupied with their littleness. But little I is as great a hindrance as great I. It looks very humble to depreciate one's self, to keep in the background, but there is often a very subtle pride that wears this garb of humility. It is not self, good or bad, that is to be before us; weak or strong I are to be alike refused, that God alone may have the glory.

There are two things which we all ought to avoid in this exercise of the faith which we have been given — over-estimation and under-estimation. In the first, it is thinking too highly; in the second, not thinking wisely. We do not want to have an inflated opinion of our ability, neither do we want to under-value what God has given us for His service.

But there is an opposite error into which many fall, and which must be as carefully avoided by the Christian. This is an affectation of humility by speaking of oneself in a depreciating manner. When a man speaks of "his small measure; of being the most unfit person for the important work he has in hand;" we feel that he is either insincere or unwise. God never requires the exercise of a gift which He has not bestowed. This species of false humility must be watched against by all who would walk with God in integrity of heart. God is real and He must have reality in us; He is true and He must have truth in the inward parts. Nevertheless, there are those who honestly, but unduly, depreciate their gift and fail to act for God and His people. This is a false modesty, and also a serious evil, and one which the Lord must judge sooner or later. But now, mark well, my soul, the wisdom of holy scripture. This alone, by God's grace, can give thee a well-balanced, a well-adjusted mind.

There is still another thing that I would desire to notice briefly, and that is the great basis of Christian humility. I mean that humility which a saint has because he is a saint, and not because he is a sinner. A sinner saved by grace ought indeed to be humble; but the humility which a saint has because he is a saint and an heir of glory is of a much deeper kind than that which is occasioned by the discovery of sin. There is nothing will bring a soul so low, and make him willing to serve another in the meanest of service, as the consciousness of his standing before God. Mark the Lord Jesus Christ here: He stands forth in conscious possession of all things - "All things are delivered unto me of my Father." And yet He says, "Learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart." Can you put these two together? I believe you can; the soul of the really instructed saint discerns their needful connection. The Lord Jesus, in conscious possession of all things, could afford to humble Himself. What was it that enabled Him to do so but His real greatness, because God was caring for Him - "Which thing is true in Him and in you." Nothing enables us to go and wash the saints' feet, to lay ourselves down to be trampled on, but the knowledge of our real greatness: we can then afford to be humbled; we can then afford to come down and minister unto others, instead of wanting others to minister unto us. A child of God needs not anything to add to his dignity, because of the dignity which is given him of God; he has all dignity, "all things" in Christ. This is the real power of truly humbling ourselves to serve others. That which will enable us to put ourselves lower than anything is the consciousness that "all things are ours; for we are Christ's, and Christ is God's."

It may be said he is a weak soul. Well, we are all too apt to think too much of ourselves. Especially, if men have a little ability, they are apt to overestimate what they have. There is nothing more common than this, and nothing more dangerous. Whereas, if a man is really a weak soul and does not think much about himself there is far more readiness to learn; unless he is an obstinate man, who, even though he knows but very little, thinks a deal of himself. There is nothing so dangerous as that, especially when such a one lifts himself up against the word of God. When a man is brought to God, he is made nothing of in his own eyes. Would to God we always stayed there, with the sense of our own nothingness! Would to God that it did not evaporate by our getting peace! There is always a danger of a person forgetting that there was a time when he counted nothing that he thought, said, or felt, was worth thinking about. We are meant to keep that humility always. The best and truest form of real humility is the sense of the presence of God and of the infinite value of the word of God. There is nothing so humble as bowing to God's authority, there is nothing so humble as obedience — obeying God. And at the same time, nothing gives greater courage, nothing gives greater confidence, nothing gives greater firmness; and this humility is exactly what we want — to be nothing in our own eyes, and to have perfect confidence in God's word. And faith should produce this in every believer.

"Fear ye not therefore; ye are of more value than many sparrows." We must listen to the Lord in John 17 to get an inkling of what we are worth. God could have created what in man's eyes might have been a far better world than this for each saint, and one perhaps more glorious than this was at the creation, but what could all have been in comparison with that which He has given us in Christ, and we have indeed more than this even — yea, the love of Him that gave it all.