What does the Bible say about grief?
Grief is not treated as a failure of faith in Scripture — the Son of God Himself stood at a grave and cried, and a whole letter was written to steady believers who were breaking under bereavement. The passages below show what commentators draw out: who shares our sorrow, what hope changes about it, how to behave in it, and where it ends.
A Savior Who Weeps — John 11
At the tomb of Lazarus, Jesus knew He was minutes away from raising the dead man, and He wept anyway. One commentator notes even the kind of weeping the word describes:
F. B. HoleHe wept, not for Lazarus, for He knew that in a few minutes He would recall him to life, but in sympathy with the sisters and as feeling in His spirit the desolation of death brought in by sin. The word used here is the one for the shedding of silent tears, not the word for loud lamentations, which is used in Luke 19:41. But those silent tears of Jesus have moved the hearts of sorrowing saints for nearly two thousand years.
What He was at Bethany, He still is. And the comfort offered is not always the removal of the loss:
J. T. MawsonHe will not remove the sorrow as He did in Mary's case, but He will give you something greater than it — His own friendship and sympathy. He offers you the full knowledge of a love that death itself cannot spoil — His own love.
Sorrow, but Not Like Others — 1 Thessalonians 4:13
Paul does not forbid grief; he forbids hopeless grief. The difference is not that the loss hurts less:
An Outline of Sound WordsIf we are bereaved of those we love in Christ there is the sorrow of having lost their affection and companionship, but "we sorrow not as others which have no hope." The death of Christ has made all the difference to our sorrow, for we know the loved one is with Christ, which is far better, and His death has given us the hope of soon seeing our loved ones in Christ again, at His coming.
David's Grief: From the Floor to Worship — 2 Samuel 12
David fasted and lay on the ground while his child was dying. When the news came, his conduct changed completely — and one writer marks the point of the change:
A. J. PollockHe got up from the ground, washed himself, changed his clothes, and came into the house of the Lord and WORSHIPPED. There was no giving way to unmanly grief. Grief there was, and deep grief, and God would not chide him for this. But in his contact with God he triumphed. He WORSHIPPED.
David's own words, "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me," were the Old Testament comfort of reunion. Commentators point out that the Christian hope goes further:
W. W. FeredayThe Old Testament believer looked for reunion with departed ones in the realm of the dead (2 Sam. 12:23); the New Testament saint looks to meet in the air, in resurrection life and glory, all those to whom he has said farewell in the faith of Christ.
Grief Over Sin — 2 Corinthians 7:10
Scripture also speaks of a sorrow aimed at our own wrongdoing, and it separates it sharply from mere regret:
William KellyRepentance is not mere regret or remorse... it is that judgment on reflection, formed by God's working through His word, to which conscience bows, self and its past ways being judged before God... godly sorrow works repentance to salvation not to be regretted, as the sorrow of the world works death (2 Cor. 7:10).
A Man of Sorrows — Isaiah 53:3
The One we bring our grief to has walked the whole road ahead of us:
A. J. PollockAm I weary? He knew weariness. Am I sorrowful? He was "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Isa. 53:3)... How fitted to be our sympathizing High Priest; not only understanding our feelings as One who in His Godhead knows all things, but doing so as One who was a true Man down here in lowly grace in all the ordinary circumstances of life, but "sin apart."
Grief That Yields Fruit — Hebrews 12:11
Sorrow under God's hand is not wasted, but it is also not to be pretended away:
A. PridhamFretfulness, or indifference, or despondency are alike sin. Sorrow is not so. God expects that Christians should call bitter, bitter. If they do so, and, by faith, discerning at whose hand the grief is given, accept the trial as a token from the Father, then tribulation will work patience.
Tears Counted, Then Ended — Psalm 56:8; Revelation 21:4
Grief has both a record and a deadline:
F. A. HughesThree times in Scripture we are told that God will wipe away all tears: Isaiah 25:8; Revelation 7:17; Revelation 21:4... the day is coming when God Himself will remove all tears, and the cause of those tears will be gone forever... Every true tear recorded; every true tear valued by God; but every tear wiped away.
Summary
- Wept — Jesus shed silent tears at a grave He was about to open, so no mourner faces grief alone (John 11:35).
- Hope — Paul does not cancel the sorrow, He cancels the hopelessness; the loved one is with Christ and will be seen again (1 Thess. 4:13).
- Worship — David got up, washed, and worshipped; contact with God is where grief turns to triumph (2 Sam. 12:20).
- Fruit — call bitter things bitter, take them from the Father's hand, and sorrow yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11).
- Wiped — every genuine tear is recorded and valued now, and every one of them is removed forever (Ps. 56:8; Rev. 21:4).