What does the Bible say about friends?
Friendship runs through the whole Bible: as a proverb about who to keep close, as a covenant between two young men, as a warning about which world you belong to, and finally as a name Jesus gives His own. The commentators treat these threads as one subject, because every human friendship in Scripture is measured against the one Friend who never fails.
A friend loves at all times
The best-known line on the subject, Proverbs 17:17, ties constancy to hardship — the friend who stays, and the brother born for a bad day. One writer points to the story that illustrates it and to the Person who fulfils it:
Arno Clemens Gaebelein"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (verse 17). This is beautifully illustrated in the case of David and Jonathan (1 Sam. 18—20). And the great Friend, the brother born for adversity, is the Lord Jesus Christ. He loves at all times; His love is limitless and timeless. It is the love that surpasses knowledge.
What made David and Jonathan's friendship hold
Jonathan, a king's son, gave his robe, sword, bow and belt to a shepherd boy. Commentators insist the bond was not chemistry between two likeable men:
The Bible TreasuryIt was not a mere matter of sentiment or an impulsive movement of the natural heart: it was a bond in the Lord. At once a covenant intervenes to strengthen the bond, and then Jonathan strips himself of his robe "and gave it to David and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle." … Vesture and weapons, Jonathan gives all to David, and this is no common manner of love, for it was putting a humble shepherd on a footing of equality with a king's son.
Many friends, or one Friend
Proverbs 18:24 sets a crowd of friends against a single loyal one. The contrast is read as a caution about where you rest your weight:
William KellyA man who depends on many friends pays for it to his own ruin; but One has become more than a friend, a lover beyond all others, who sticks closer than a brother. Well we know Him; yet how little, sadly!
Jesus calls His disciples friends
In John 15 the Lord drops the word "servants" and says "friends," and He gives the reason: He has told them everything He heard from His Father. That reason defines what friendship is:
J. N. Darby"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." That is not grace for a sinner; here it is for His friends. It applies to the disciples only… "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you." A friend is a person with whom I communicate, not because I have business with him, but I tell him my thoughts and feelings about something he himself has nothing to do with.
The same title had already been given to one man in the Old Testament, and it is treated as an astonishing honour:
A J PollockIn the New Testament we learn that Abraham had the wonderful title, "The Friend of God" (James 2:23). What an honour!
Faithful wounds
Proverbs 27:6 says a friend's wounds can be trusted while an enemy's kisses cannot. When Paul told the Galatians the truth and was treated as an enemy for it, one writer sees the proverb at work:
G C WillisThey had forgotten that "faithful are the wounds of a friend." Prov. 27:6. He puts it in the form of a question, so as to leave a doubt, and give the Galatians the opportunity to answer, "No, Paul, you are not our enemy! You are our best and dearest earthly friend."
But the verse is easily abused as cover for cruelty, and the words just before it are the check:
Hamilton SmithHow often the most malicious words have been excused by quoting the scripture, "Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend." How few would be able to quote the words that immediately precede, and that would warn us not to use this scripture lightly, for they ask the question, "Who is able to stand before envy?" (Prov. 27:4-6).
Choosing your company
Proverbs 13:20 and 22:24 make friendship a matter of direction, not just affection — and James 4:4 pushes it further, calling friendship with the world enmity with God.
Raymond K. CampbellMake the Lord Jesus your chief companion and all those that love and fear Him and keep His word your friends and companions. We are affected by the company we keep. "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals'" (1 Cor. 15:33). "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm" (Prov. 13:20).
Do not forsake a friend
Proverbs 27:10 forbids abandoning your friend, and the reasons we abandon people are usually small ones:
Leslie M. GrantTrue friendship does not change… How precious a character is constancy, fidelity, faithfulness! … Shall we dare to forsake saints whose fellowship God has given us, just because of personal feelings, irritations, jealousies? — or merely because we desire easier circumstances or more congenial fellowship? But unwavering stability will require proper self-judgment and exercise of soul: it is not natural nor mechanical.
When friends fail
Job's three friends came, sat with him seven days, then wounded him. He called them miserable comforters. The lesson drawn is not cynicism but placement:
Samuel RidoutJob might say of them, "You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me." And when these failed, he could not add, "You are with me." How differently Paul speaks: "At my first defence no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me… But the Lord stood by me" (2 Tim. 4:16-17). Let us learn from Job's failure not to put the dearest earthly friend between us and God.
Summary
- Constant — Proverbs 17:17 makes love that does not fluctuate the test of a friend, and the brother "born for adversity" is proved in the bad season, not the good one.
- Confided in — Jesus renames His disciples friends in John 15:15 on one ground: He tells them what He heard from His Father. A servant gets orders; a friend gets the mind of the one who loves him. Abraham held the same title before them.
- Chosen — Proverbs 13:20 and 22:24 say company shapes character, and James 4:4 makes friendship with the world enmity with God. Pick companions the way you would pick a destination.
- Candid — "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" licenses honesty, not spite; the surrounding verses warn against envy dressed up as faithfulness.
- Constant again, from our side — Proverbs 27:10 forbids dropping a friend over irritation or convenience, and Job shows the reverse: friends can fail, so no earthly friend belongs between you and God, whose Friend sticks closer than a brother.