What does the Bible say about estrangement?

Even that proud monarch Herod, and that representative of Rome, Pilate, the governor, who were at enmity before, were reconciled at the base rejection of Jesus. What shall mark those who are accepted in His eternal acceptance before God? “Go, be reconciled to thy brother” (Matt. 5:24). Has unnecessary estrangement came in between wife and husband? Let her “be reconciled to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:11). Has alienation troubled members of a family where Christ is owned as Lord? Surely the sweetness of reconciliation will be solicited and secured where God’s grace is experimentally rejoiced in. How good is the rich blessing of the reconciliation which is of God!— Sinners, at enmity once, now reconciled to God Himself.

It cannot be pleasing to God if we come before Him in worship without having first put our relationship with our brother in order. How easily relationships can be broken! Perhaps it was only a misunderstanding, or I may have deliberately hurt a child of God, a brother or sister. Anyway, he or she has something against me. The Lord says in this case, “Go.”

The disturbed relationship between believers can only be put in order again by reconciliation and this is unlikely to be achieved without an honest confession. Only then can brotherly love flow again freely. Our fellowship with our God and Father is then restored as well: “And then come and offer thy gift.”

It cannot be pleasing to God if we come before Him in worship without having first put our relationship with our brother in order. How easily relationships can be broken! Perhaps it was only a misunderstanding, or I may have deliberately hurt a child of God, a brother or sister. Anyway, he or she has something against me. The Lord says in this case, "Go."

The disturbed relationship between believers can only be put in order again by reconciliation and this is unlikely to be achieved without an honest confession. Only then can brotherly love flow again freely. Our fellowship with our God and Father is then restored as well: "And then come and offer thy gift."

Now he must meet Esau, and with a servility that is not becoming to a brother, he bows himself seven times to the ground (v.3). Of course it was conscience and fear that made him do this, but Esau had no such attitude. He ran to meet his brother, embraced him and kissed him. Then both of them wept. Time had made a difference with Esau particularly. What a relief for Jacob! Indeed, family feuds should never be allowed to continue long without a reconciliation. Only an unusually hard heart could maintain bitter rancor against a brother for long years.

Now he must meet Esau, and with a servility that is not becoming to a brother, he bows himself seven times to the ground (v. 3). Of course it was conscience and fear that made him do this, but Esau had no such attitude. He ran to meet his brother, embraced him and kissed him. Then both of them wept. Time had made a difference with Esau particularly. What a relief for Jacob! Indeed, family feuds should never be allowed to continue long without a reconciliation. Only an unusually hard heart could maintain bitter rancor against a brother for long years.

But there is another danger, into which, if not very watchful, any one of us might very easily fall. I might go to the brother who has trespassed against me, not so much with a desire to "gain" him as to satisfy my own conscience, in a hard, legal way, that I have acted scripturally toward him. Suppose such a case. I go and "tell him his fault;" but instead of finding him hard and unrepentant, he is thoroughly broken down. He freely owns that he has trespassed against me, and shows every sign of genuine contrition. But what follows? Alas' I am more concerned about the injury which I have sustained than I am for my brother's restoration to happy fellowship with me. The pangs of wounded pride spur me on, and I make it but sadly too manifest that I would prefer my brother getting the discipline of the unrepentant, rather than the forgiveness of the repentant. Grace has wrought in him, but not in me, and in my heart I do not forgive him.

The attitude of the injured one should be that of forgiveness—a forgiveness forthcoming the moment repentance takes place. The attitude of the injurer should be that of repentance.

Knowing what fearful damage to the fair name of Christ is wrought amongst God's people in connection with similar episodes we feel as if we could not sufficiently stress this important Epistle. It inculcates: As to the offending party, a return in all humility to the one offended with confession and an acknowledgement of his rights as to restitution. As to the offended party, the reception of the repentant offender in grace with the fullest possible acknowledgement of all that God has wrought in him; whether it be through conversion as in the case of Onesimus, or through restoration as might be the case with many of ourselves. As to the mediating party, an absence of anything approaching a dictatorial spirit, coupled with ardent love for both the offended and the offender, expressing itself in entreaties marked by courtesy and tact.

The words ‘reprove him between thee and him alone’ are also important. We are not to broadcast what has happened, or to seek to rally others to ‘our cause’. Such actions are most unhelpful. There is to be a private face to face meeting between the two brothers concerned, with no others present. The sin involved is to be made clear and the fact that real damage has been done to their relationship. It should also be apparent by the spirit in which the whole matter is taken up that one really does want to ‘gain’ one’s brother and is ready to forgive what has been done. This is not something done only because the Lord says it must be done. There is a genuine desire that the relationship may be restored and to that end things are pursued prayerfully in dependence on the Lord and in the grace that He supplies.

The words ‘reprove him between thee and him alone’ are also important. We are not to broadcast what has happened, or to seek to rally others to ‘our cause.’ Such actions are most unhelpful. There is to be a private face to face meeting between the two brothers concerned, with no others present. The sin involved is to be made clear and the fact that real damage has been done to their relationship. It should also be apparent by the spirit in which the whole matter is taken up that one really does want to ‘gain’ one’s brother and is ready to forgive what has been done. This is not something done only because the Lord says it must be done. There is a genuine desire that the relationship may be restored and to that end things are pursued prayerfully in dependence on the Lord and in the grace that He supplies.