What does the Bible say about disrespectful children?

Children, then, are to be in complete subjection to their parents, except in the single case of their commands coming into conflict with the authority and claims of the Lord. Making this exception — and even emphasizing it — children must be very careful not to plead it in any doubtful cases: they should be very sure that there is opposition to the Lord's claims in the parental command before they venture to refuse obedience; i.e. they must be assured that the reason for so grave and solemn a step springs from no fancies of their own, but from the conviction of what is due to the Lord. For it is He who has given their parents the place of supreme authority in the family, and hence it is only when it would be for His own glory that this authority may be disregarded. "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." It is not supposed in this injunction, inasmuch as the epistle is addressed to believers, that any command given by the parent could conflict with the Lord's authority; and the addition of the words, "for this is well pleasing unto the Lord," defines the circle of the extent and supremacy of parental authority, as we have just explained. We thus see that parents are absolute in their own circle — the circle described by God; but this circle is included within the larger one, over which the Lord Himself is supreme.

Obedience is urged on two grounds. First, "For this is right." (Eph. 6:1.) That is, God declares that obedience is a righteous thing to be rendered by children to their parents; that it is suited to the place of a parent to command, and to the place of a child to obey. Secondly, it is said, "For this is well pleasing in the Lord." Here children are reminded of their responsibility, and encouraged by the assurance of the Lord's approbation in their subject path. And the value God sets upon filial obedience may be gathered from His estimate of disobedience. Thus in the law we read, "Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother." (Deut. 27:16; see also Exodus 21:17; Deut. 21:18-21; Proverbs 30:11, 17.) The apostle also stigmatises disobedience to parents as one of the characteristic signs of the perilous times of the last days (2 Tim. 3:1-2), and of great moral corruption. (Rom. 1:30.) And the slightest acquaintance with the facts of life will abundantly show that the first step in a downward career has often commenced with disobedience to parents. Write the histories of all the poor prodigal sons and daughters who, at the present moment, are seeking to satisfy their hunger with the "husks that the swine do eat," and it will be found that the root of all their temporal wretchedness may be traced back to self-will and insubjection in their paternal home.

The directions given are very brief and very simple; albeit they comprehend the whole circle of children's lives. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3.) "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto" (in, the same word as in Ephesians) "the Lord." (Col. 3:20.)

It is of the first importance to observe that children — the children of whom we speak — are thus set in direct personal responsibility to the Lord. Placed under parental authority, they are at the same time recognized as being under responsibility to Christ, and hence their obedience is to be rendered "in the Lord." This at once defines the character and the limit of their duty; for the commands of the parent, when rightly given, have a divine sanction, so that the child not only obeys the parent, but also the Lord. On the other hand, no command could be binding to which obedience in the Lord could not be rendered. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." (Eph. 6:1.) It could not be right for the child to do anything which would be sin against the Lord. The harmony between the two - the duty and the limit — is beautifully (because perfectly) exemplified in the case of the Lord Jesus when a child. When He was twelve years of age, Joseph, His reputed father, and His mother took Him up to Jerusalem to the feast. On their return He remained behind in Jerusalem. On discovering His absence, Joseph and Mary "turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking Him. And it came to pass, that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers. And when they saw Him, they were amazed: and His mother said unto Him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And He said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business? And they understood not the saying which He spake unto them. And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but His mother kept all these sayings in her heart." (Luke 2:42-51.) In this lovely incident we have the two things-responsibility of obedience, and its limit before God — in perfect adjustment. The Lord in grace having become a child, takes the place of a child, and as such owns His responsibility of obedience to Joseph and Mary, while, at the same time, He acknowledges and affirms that He must be about His Father's business. "Son," said Mary, "why hast thou thus dealt with us?" etc.; words which, whatever their tenderness, implied a reproach. But the answer given silenced all complaint: ""Wist ye not, did ye not know, as ye ought to have done, that my Father had the first claim upon me, and that therefore in absenting myself from you, I was acting in obedience to Him?" Thus the Lord Jesus is also the child's perfect example; and it is added, in order to emphasize this truth, "And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them."

Verse 9 deals with sin against parents, who should be recognized with at least serious respect, apart from the question of their reliability. Even if they were unfair, this gave no right to the children to curse them. The ten commandments had said to honor father and mother. Therefore, cursing (speaking evil of) parents was to be punished with death.

Many of the young people of the present day seem to regard their parents as belonging to the old school and being deficient in education. Hence, the readiness to contradict their parents and set up their own opinion. All this is unnatural and ungodly. It ought not to be tolerated. And we may also add a hint as to the very objectionable habit adopted by many young people of calling their father and mother by heartless, objectionable names. We would entreat all our young friends to watch against these things and against the spirit from which they proceed, and to cultivate a reverential spirit which will surely lead to a respectful manner towards their parents. It is a good proof of a good education when children respect their parents. Need we add that in all matters where God's authority is concerned, it must rise above all other claims! Oh, for the adjusting power of grace and truth!

We are called and chosen through the work of the Spirit, and the sprinkled blood, — See 1 Peter 1:2 — to a life of obedience. Let us mark it well, obedience is that to which we are called. "As obedient children," says the same apostle. What is more painful than to see a disobedient child. And you will notice that this disobedience does not come out boldly and refuse some positive command, but inserts its own will in the place of the parent's. The child uses its own judgment, it does not think there is any harm in thinking or doing according to its own judgment, and the result is, the parent's will is ignored and despised. Is not that a worse form of disobedience than if the child absolutely refused to obey? Perhaps that refusal would bring a correction that would recover the child, while the gradual substitution of its own judgment for the parent's, saps the whole foundation of family government.

It is noticeable that the Spirit of God gives similar instructions as to the relationships of life in Colossians as here; though not with the same fulness, nor quite upon the same lines. The latter is especially to be seen in the word to children: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" (just). So reads Ephesians: but in Colossians the apostle merely states, "for this is well-pleasing to the Lord." Was the variation because of the legal tendencies of the latter? From the forms etc., which had such attraction for their brethren at Colosse, the Ephesians were apparently quite clear, through grace; therefore the apostle was free to say "this is just," without fear of the word being misapplied by them.

Everywhere in scripture is filial obedience pressed, and the Lord Himself in the home at Nazareth has left an example which should be studied (Luke 2:51). Disobedience to parents is one of the unhappy moral signs of the last days (2 Tim. 3:2), as also absence of natural affection; elements painfully and increasingly apparent on every hand. But the obedience must be "in the Lord"; all obedience having this important qualification. A heathen parent might bid his child sacrifice to idols: must he obey? Where the express will of God is crossed, such can only answer as Peter and John to the priests who bade them preach no more in the name of Jesus (Acts 4:19; Acts 5:29) Nothing and no one must be allowed to come in between the conscience and God.

The honouring of both father and mother is the one positive command. In God's ordering of human society the family is the fundamental unit, and of that unit the father and mother are the responsible heads, and to be recognized and honoured as such. If they are not so honoured rapid disintegration sets in, and all the relations of life are adversely affected. Proof of this stares us in the face today. Men of wholesome mind — magistrates, and others — join in deploring what is called "juvenile delinquency," as directly traceable to the break-up of home life. In most cases the parents themselves are mainly to blame. Obsessed with the pleasures of sin, parental discipline is neglected, and the children left to their own devices.

The Apostle Paul points out in Ephesians 6:2 that this is "the first commandment with promise;" the promise being long life in the land which was to be given to them. Conversely, the flouting of this command was to entail severe penalty, as we see in Deuteronomy 21:18-21. The penalty pronounced against the "stubborn and rebellious son," who would not, "obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother," may seem to us very drastic, but it serves to emphasize the great importance of this fifth commandment in the thought of God. Were it faithfully and universally observed, there would be very little infringement of the remaining five commandments.

The last six commandments deal with Israel's responsibilities toward others. Thus the fifth commandment is "Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you" (v.16). Ephesians 6:1 refers to this as "the first commandment with promise." Israel soon sadly failed in this, as is exampled in Absalom, son of David, who rebelled against his father and sought to kill him (2 Sam.17:1-4). His days were not long on the earth. It may be that a father is hard and cruel, but his children are still to honor him; a mother may be even irresponsible, but her children are to honor her that is, to show proper respect. Though this is not a legal commandment for believers today, yet Ephesians 6:1 shows it to be of moral importance still. Our motives are not to be those of submitting to legal demands, but of delighting to please God.

Children are to obey their parents. Certainly the parents are responsible to guide and train the children properly, for children need proper discipline. Whether the discipline is always perfectly fair or not, still the child is to obey. Let the child always be reminded that the Lord is well pleased with their obedience. There may be very unusual circumstances in which a parent requires something morally wrong from a child, as for instance, stealing or cheating, or worshiping an idol. This would be a plain exception, in which case the child should firmly, but not defiantly, refuse to obey the parent. Ephesians 6:1 reads, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord," So the child should always obey unless he is required to disobey the Lord.

Fathers are to especially guard against being unfair or unduly hard or demanding. This might easily provoke a child to act badly and to be discouraged, so the discipline would fail to fulfill its proper objective, and would only result in the opposite behavior of what the father hoped. We know how easy it is for a father to make a snap judgment when his child has apparently done something wrong, and because he is angry, to punish the child severely. Then he may find out afterward that it was not as serious a matter as he thought, and he knows he has been unfair to the child. His only recourse then is to humbly apologize to his child for this. Let us never discipline in a fit of anger, but seek grace to calmly consider before the Lord what discipline is necessary. For it is true that discipline is sometimes required. The Lord said of Eli that he himself and his house would be judged by God because he had failed to discipline his sons (1 Sam.3:11-13). How often it has been true that children, in later years, have thanked their parents for disciplining them when they needed it! - while many others have sunk into crime and misery because they were never disciplined in youth.

p425 [To the same.] Miss Thompson, As regards what I said as to a higher claim of obedience, it is the safeguard against the exercise of authority where there is not infallibility. Thus Christ tells His disciples to obey the scribes sitting in Moses' seat; but when they tell them not to preach Christ, they cannot obey them, because God had told them to do otherwise. A parent's authority is sacred: he tells me (say I was a Jew) not to become a Christian: I disobey him because there is a higher obligation. It is important morally, because no departure or rejection of legitimate authority can be based on our own will or self in any way, but on the direct authority of God. Never have I a right, but I ought to obey. And it is simple that, if it be the authority God has given to a parent or magistrate, or whoever it may be, which leads me to obey them, as it is, it cannot be real when it calls me to disobey God's direct command. But obedience is always our path.