What does the Bible say about disobedient children?

Children are to obey their parents. Certainly the parents are responsible to guide and train the children properly, for children need proper discipline. Whether the discipline is always perfectly fair or not, still the child is to obey. Let the child always be reminded that the Lord is well pleased with their obedience. There may be very unusual circumstances in which a parent requires something morally wrong from a child, as for instance, stealing or cheating, or worshiping an idol. This would be a plain exception, in which case the child should firmly, but not defiantly, refuse to obey the parent. Ephesians 6:1 reads, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord," So the child should always obey unless he is required to disobey the Lord.

Fathers are to especially guard against being unfair or unduly hard or demanding. This might easily provoke a child to act badly and to be discouraged, so the discipline would fail to fulfill its proper objective, and would only result in the opposite behavior of what the father hoped. We know how easy it is for a father to make a snap judgment when his child has apparently done something wrong, and because he is angry, to punish the child severely. Then he may find out afterward that it was not as serious a matter as he thought, and he knows he has been unfair to the child. His only recourse then is to humbly apologize to his child for this. Let us never discipline in a fit of anger, but seek grace to calmly consider before the Lord what discipline is necessary. For it is true that discipline is sometimes required. The Lord said of Eli that he himself and his house would be judged by God because he had failed to discipline his sons (1 Sam.3:11-13). How often it has been true that children, in later years, have thanked their parents for disciplining them when they needed it! - while many others have sunk into crime and misery because they were never disciplined in youth.

The directions given are very brief and very simple; albeit they comprehend the whole circle of children's lives. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3.) "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto" (in, the same word as in Ephesians) "the Lord." (Col. 3:20.)

It is of the first importance to observe that children — the children of whom we speak — are thus set in direct personal responsibility to the Lord. Placed under parental authority, they are at the same time recognized as being under responsibility to Christ, and hence their obedience is to be rendered "in the Lord." This at once defines the character and the limit of their duty; for the commands of the parent, when rightly given, have a divine sanction, so that the child not only obeys the parent, but also the Lord. On the other hand, no command could be binding to which obedience in the Lord could not be rendered. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." (Eph. 6:1.) It could not be right for the child to do anything which would be sin against the Lord. The harmony between the two - the duty and the limit — is beautifully (because perfectly) exemplified in the case of the Lord Jesus when a child. When He was twelve years of age, Joseph, His reputed father, and His mother took Him up to Jerusalem to the feast. On their return He remained behind in Jerusalem. On discovering His absence, Joseph and Mary "turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking Him. And it came to pass, that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers. And when they saw Him, they were amazed: and His mother said unto Him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And He said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business? And they understood not the saying which He spake unto them. And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but His mother kept all these sayings in her heart." (Luke 2:42-51.) In this lovely incident we have the two things-responsibility of obedience, and its limit before God — in perfect adjustment. The Lord in grace having become a child, takes the place of a child, and as such owns His responsibility of obedience to Joseph and Mary, while, at the same time, He acknowledges and affirms that He must be about His Father's business. "Son," said Mary, "why hast thou thus dealt with us?" etc.; words which, whatever their tenderness, implied a reproach. But the answer given silenced all complaint: ""Wist ye not, did ye not know, as ye ought to have done, that my Father had the first claim upon me, and that therefore in absenting myself from you, I was acting in obedience to Him?" Thus the Lord Jesus is also the child's perfect example; and it is added, in order to emphasize this truth, "And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them."

In the same order parents and children appear, the fathers, however, more particularly. "Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing in [the] Lord." Here this also is put quite absolutely. We know elsewhere there are landmarks to guard us. It is evident neither a father nor a husband has any title to insist on what is contrary to the Lord; but accordance is assumed here. What the Apostle urges is that the children should in all things obey their parents. And how good is obedience! Scripture elsewhere brings in a limit, but not here. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord" furnishes a very important restriction; at any rate it defines the sphere of obedience; it determines how and how far one ought to go. As a rule, even a bad father would like to have a good child. Many who drink or swear would be very sorry for their sons to do the same. "Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing to or in the Lord." This directs us simply to the Lord as the One to whom this obedience is acceptable, but well pleasing in the Lord goes a great deal farther. It is not the bare fact of regarding the Lord as the ultimate judge, who then will be pleased; but the Christian has the consciousness of the Lord's love now and of His interest in all his ways and trials day by day. No doubt He will manifest His judgment of all that was done in the body by-and-by; but this should only strengthen the Christian now to do that which is well pleasing in the Lord. The best authorities are unanimous that it should be here "in the Lord" rather than "to the Lord." It is well pleasing that children should obey their parents, not naturally only, but (for the Christian, let it be) in the Lord. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." v. 21. The mother is not thus exhorted, for as a rule her general fault is to spoil them. There is nothing that more discourages a child than a parent's continual needless fault-finding. Again, where a child is punished without deserving it, what can be more apt to create distrust, and so weaken the springs of love and respect?

It is noticeable that the Spirit of God gives similar instructions as to the relationships of life in Colossians as here; though not with the same fulness, nor quite upon the same lines. The latter is especially to be seen in the word to children: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" (just). So reads Ephesians: but in Colossians the apostle merely states, "for this is well-pleasing to the Lord." Was the variation because of the legal tendencies of the latter? From the forms etc., which had such attraction for their brethren at Colosse, the Ephesians were apparently quite clear, through grace; therefore the apostle was free to say "this is just," without fear of the word being misapplied by them.

Everywhere in scripture is filial obedience pressed, and the Lord Himself in the home at Nazareth has left an example which should be studied (Luke 2:51). Disobedience to parents is one of the unhappy moral signs of the last days (2 Tim. 3:2), as also absence of natural affection; elements painfully and increasingly apparent on every hand. But the obedience must be "in the Lord"; all obedience having this important qualification. A heathen parent might bid his child sacrifice to idols: must he obey? Where the express will of God is crossed, such can only answer as Peter and John to the priests who bade them preach no more in the name of Jesus (Acts 4:19; Acts 5:29) Nothing and no one must be allowed to come in between the conscience and God.

Verses 18-21 of our chapter record the case of "a stubborn and rebellious son." Here again we have Israel viewed from another standpoint. It is the apostate generation for which there is no forgiveness. "If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken to them; then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place; and they shall say to the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die; so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear and fear."

The Apostle Paul points out in Ephesians 6:2 that this is "the first commandment with promise;" the promise being long life in the land which was to be given to them. Conversely, the flouting of this command was to entail severe penalty, as we see in Deuteronomy 21:18-21. The penalty pronounced against the "stubborn and rebellious son," who would not, "obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother," may seem to us very drastic, but it serves to emphasize the great importance of this fifth commandment in the thought of God. Were it faithfully and universally observed, there would be very little infringement of the remaining five commandments.

One might think that if he was the firstborn he had a right to be rebellious, or another might be rebellious because he was not the firstborn. But God does not tolerate rebellion, which springs from the pride of thinking that only one's own opinions are worth considering. God has instituted parental authority, and one stubbornly rebellious against his parents was to be brought by them to the elders of the city, the place of judgment (the gate) (vs.18-19).

The witness of his parents was then sufficient to the effect that their son was stubborn and rebellious, a glutton and a drunkard. In this case he had become unmanageable, and sentence was to be immediately executed by the stoning of the young man to death (vs.20-21). This was the law, judgment without mercy. While rebellion is no less evil today in God's eyes, yet in the present day of grace God is patiently delaying judgment in desire that men may repent and be saved. But under law, judgment was carried out to make others fear the consequences of rebellion.

But what, in the case of a stubborn and rebellious son in a Christian family; rare, I trust, as such a terrible case may be? Is grace to prevail, and he to remain in the house, because the law of Moses is no longer applicable? Is the stubborn and rebellious son to stay, until he has infected all the children with the leaven of his wickedness, and turned the whole into a mutinous camp? Fearful, indeed, in its consequences, would be the sinful folly, and awfully solemn the responsibility of the over-indulgent parent in such a case! If the word of love and grace, and the rod of chastisement have proved ineffectual, the family ought, without further delay, to be purged from the defiling presence of the rebellious child, and the door shut upon him. God's blessing cannot rest upon a household where He is dishonoured by the sufferance of such an abomination in His sight. Let the obstinate one learn, under the iron rule and the heavy yoke of the stranger, to appreciate and bow to the sacred claims of a loving father's or mother's authority, and in the icy atmosphere of a selfish world, to yearn and long for the genial flame of the homely hearth, and the peaceful haven of his family, the privileges and affections of which he had spurned. If, in such an extreme, deplorable case, outraged parental authority has firmly and graciously asserted its inalienable claims, and thus the sanctuary of the family been purged from that which is an abomination in the sight of God, their prayers for the wanderer will ascend to the throne of grace, and result, in God's own time, in the sigh for the "father's house," and the tearful cry of repentance: "Father, I have sinned against thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son."

Obedience is urged on two grounds. First, "For this is right." (Eph. 6:1.) That is, God declares that obedience is a righteous thing to be rendered by children to their parents; that it is suited to the place of a parent to command, and to the place of a child to obey. Secondly, it is said, "For this is well pleasing in the Lord." Here children are reminded of their responsibility, and encouraged by the assurance of the Lord's approbation in their subject path. And the value God sets upon filial obedience may be gathered from His estimate of disobedience. Thus in the law we read, "Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother." (Deut. 27:16; see also Exodus 21:17; Deut. 21:18-21; Proverbs 30:11, 17.) The apostle also stigmatises disobedience to parents as one of the characteristic signs of the perilous times of the last days (2 Tim. 3:1-2), and of great moral corruption. (Rom. 1:30.) And the slightest acquaintance with the facts of life will abundantly show that the first step in a downward career has often commenced with disobedience to parents. Write the histories of all the poor prodigal sons and daughters who, at the present moment, are seeking to satisfy their hunger with the "husks that the swine do eat," and it will be found that the root of all their temporal wretchedness may be traced back to self-will and insubjection in their paternal home.

But, ere we turn from the subject of domestic government, there is one special point to which we desire to call the attention of Christian parents — a point of the utmost possible moment, yet too much neglected amongst us, and that is the need of inculcating upon our children the duty of implicit obedience. This cannot be too strongly insisted upon, inasmuch as it not only affects the order and comfort of our households; but, what is infinitely more important, it concerns the glory of God, and the practical carrying out of His truth. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." And again, "Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing to the Lord." (Eph. 6; Col. 3.)