Why does he who finds a wife obtain favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22)?

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord" (v. 22). This is normally true, for as the Lord said in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that man should be alone." There are exceptions, as we well know, for sometimes wives become virtual snares to their husbands, as for instance Jezebel, who stirred up her husband Ahab to do evil (1 Kings 21:25). But Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a lovely contrast to this example of evil, showing the great blessing of finding a virtuous woman. But it is not a man's good character that deserves a virtuous wife, but rather the favor (or grace) of the Lord that brings her to him.

It cannot be insisted too strongly that this is a relationship of grace. No thought of merit on Adam's part is suggested, when God, in His solicitous care, made the woman, "and brought her unto the man" (Gen. 2:22). This was a provision entirely by the goodness of God. Both the man and the woman were in a position to do nothing but thank God that this gracious union was His sovereign work. Adam was not able to choose a wife as he pleased, nor was Eve able to choose her own husband. God had arranged this marriage. How good too that His grace alone brings guilty sinners to His Son, and unites with Him His chosen Bride.

The next words take up the afflictions of family life, and give us salutary judgment. It is not merely a fool here, but "a foolish son," and he surely is "the calamity of his father." There is another who brings the calamity nearer still and more constantly, a contentious wife. Her cross and fractious spirit is a continual dropping. Not a spot in the house is safe from her turmoil.

Hence the importance of so looking to the Lord for a gracious and faithful counterpart. If house and wealth are an inheritance of fathers, as it generally was in Israel, a prudent wife was from Jehovah. What were the rest, however choice or abundant, where the meekness of wisdom failed in her who shared it all? If all else materially lacked, what comfort and happiness in having one from Jehovah who had His light within and around her!

"Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers" (v. 14). This is often the case, as 2 Corinthians 12:14 confirms, "For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children." This is not only true naturally, but specially so spiritually. And added to this is the good reminder, "a prudent wife is from the Lord." The parents of a young man cannot provide this, so how important it is that he should fully depend on the Lord for finding the wife that will do him good all his life.

Does the finding of good in a wife, in one worthy of that name, join on to this? Certainly no one has such opportunity of intimate knowledge and of giving help. She can avail as none else; and if for God, what a treasure to her husband, who might resent fidelity in another! What a favour from Jehovah!

But more importantly, the Lord had given Abraham a son by Sarah in his old age and this son was heir to all Abraham's possessions. The servant reports what Abraham had told him, that he was not to take a wife for Isaac from among the Canaanites, but to go to Abraham's relatives to find a wife for him. He recounts the history of his coming to the well, and his contact with Rebekah, with her willingness to draw water for his camels and themselves, then also his worshipping the Lord in having his prayer so strikingly answered (vv. 42-48).

The servant asks the pertinent question as to whether they “will deal kindly and truly” with his master. He desires an immediate answer, for if not, he would go elsewhere. It is good that Laban and Bethuel perceived that this whole matter had been ordered by the Lord (v. 50), and they realize that they must not interfere with the Lord's working. They are willing to give Rebekah up without question. Later Laban was ready to bargain with Jacob when Jacob desired Laban's daughter, but there is no suggestion of any such legal agreement in the case of Rebekah, but rather a true representation of the proper character of marriage. For marriage is a relationship of grace. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor (grace) from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). To pay for a wife therefore is an insult to her and contrary to God's word.

Proverbs 31:10 says "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies". What was the price in this case? Seven years wages; it was all completely wrong, a wife is worth a lot more than that, far more. "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord" (Prov.18:22) (favour is grace). So the marriage relationship beautifully represents the pure grace of God. This is something that should never have been so badly mishandled by Jacob. Of course we know that many nations have acted similarly and sell their daughters, the husbands paying a dowry when they marry. In reality this is the selling of the woman. Did Rachel belong to Laban? Do my children belong to me? No, they do not. My wife does belong to me, but my children do not. That is something to keep in mind. Scripture says in Ephesians 5, a good number of times, "your own wife", but so far as I am aware we do not find the expression "your own children", instead we read 'When a man leaves his father and mother' (Gen.2:24). He does not belong to his father and mother.

It is in such a wife that "the heart of her husband will safely trust. … She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life;" and he will thus be drawn to confess that "in finding a wife, he found a good thing, and obtained favour of the Lord." (Prov. 31:11; Prov. 18:22.)

The final portion of the book of Proverbs is a description of the virtuous woman. This section is quite different from the rest of the book, like many Psalms and the Lamentations it is alphabetically arranged. The virtuous woman, who is far more valuable than rubies, is described in her home as a faithful wife, a painstaking mother and the competent mistress of her household. There is no need to allegorize this description and apply it to the Church, as some have done. But this virtuous woman stands out in prominent and bright relief--a relief against the descriptions of "the strange woman," the adulteress so repeatedly mentioned in Proverbs (2:16-20; 5:1-23; 22:14; 23:27, etc.). One of the proverbs is expanded in this beautiful picture drawn by the Spirit of God: "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the LORD." But how few of the modern women reach this ideal! How few among Christian women measure up to it!

The marriage of Adam is the prototype of the marriage of all his sons. In every case of true matrimony, God arranges the union. Divine wisdom observes the moment when the loneliness of the man is no longer good for him, and He provides a bride who is the complement of his nature with its personal characteristics. Adam had no choice of brides; there was but the one that would suit him, and she was prepared of God especially for him. Adam had no rivals for the possession of Eve. Nor can such a thing be imagined in Eden, where each of the two found in the other everything required to complete their enjoyment and to perfect their capacities. There was no alternative that either could have chosen or found.