Who is the head of the household according to the Bible?

Most of us are familiar with the verse of Christian wall art that says: ‘Christ is the head of this house, the unseen guest at every meal, the silent listener to every conversation.’ We appreciate the sentiment, but it is not strictly accurate from a Scriptural point of view. Really, in the case of a household comprising father, mother and children, and perhaps other dependants, the man is the head of the home. We read: ‘Christ is the head of every man, but woman’s head is the man’ (1 Cor. 11:3) and: ‘Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord’ (Col. 3:20). This is a sobering matter for every Christian man with a household: whatever the world says, God holds him responsible for what he allows in his home.[1]

The family is especially dealt with in the epistles which treat of the Church. Those epistles which take up Church order and rule take up also the order and rule of the family; and those epistles which show the Church as the body of Christ, show also how this relationship, and the principles it involves, affect the family life. Family relationships were instituted by God in Eden, and confirmed after the fall. Christianity does not change their outward character, but infuses into them new and divine principles. The husband is the responsible head of the house, and the mutual obligation subsisting between him and his wife, his children, and his servants, is the subject of the portion now before us. The question is not one of rights on either side, but rather of the way in which each, as having the life of Christ, should exhibit this in his conduct towards the other.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the Church: and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (v. 22-24.) Part of the curse pronounced on the woman at the fall was, "Thy desire shall be [subject] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.'' (Gen. 3:16.) Christianity confirms this order, but so remodels it that all trace of the curse disappears.

Now, under the term "house," three things are included, viz., the house itself, the children, and the servants. All these, whether taken together or separately, should bear the distinct stamp of God. The house of a man of God should be ruled for God, in His name and for His glory. The head of a Christian household is the representative of God. Whether as a father, or as a master, he is, to his household an expression of the power of God; and he is bound to walk in the intelligent recognition and practical development of this fact. It is on this principle he is to provide for and govern the whole. Hence, "If any provide not for his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." By neglecting the sphere over which God has set him, he proves his ignorance of, and unlikeness to, the One whom he is called to represent.

This is plain enough. If I want to know how I am to provide for and rule my house, I have only carefully to study the way in which God provides for and rules His house. This is the true way to learn. Nor is it here a question as to the actual conversion of the constituent parts of the household. Not at all; what I desire to press upon all Christian heads of houses is, that the whole affair, from one end to the other, should distinctly wear the stamp of God's presence and God's authority — that there should be a clear acknowledgement of God on the part of every member. That everything should be so conducted as to elicit the confession, "God is here;" and all this not that the head of the house may be praised for his moral influence and judicious management, but simply that God may be glorified. This is not too much to aim at; yea, we should never rest satisfied with anything less. A Christian's house should be but a miniature representation of the house of God, not so much in the actual condition of individual members, as in the moral order and godly arrangement of the whole.

Take first the family. The value God Himself sets upon subjection to His order is seen in that familiar passage in which He commends Abraham, on the ground that "he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment," etc. (Gen. 18:19.) In the epistles of Ephesians and Colossians also what care is taken to enjoin on every member of the Christian household the fulfilment of their several relative responsibilities. Children and servants, as well as parents and masters, husbands and wives, are directed as to the duties of their respective positions. On the other hand, what sad examples of parental misrule and of filial disobedience are preserved in the Scriptures for our admonition and warning. The happiness of the families of Eli, Samuel, David, and many others, was wrecked simply because the parents in these cases did not establish and uphold the divine governmental order. And not only was it the case that the happiness of the family was destroyed, but the sin, whether of parental failure, or of the children's disobedience, brought with it the divine judgment. (Read, for example, 1 Sam. 3:11-14.)

Wherein lies then the maintenance of God's order in the family? The answer to this question is found in both Ephesians and Colossians. (Eph. 5:22-33, Eph. 6:1-9; Col. 3:18-25, Col. 4: 1.) The husband is the head, and as such has to act as God's viceregent, to govern not according to his, but according to the divine will. The authority put into his hands is from the Lord, and it is his to wield for Him, and it cannot therefore be delegated to another. The wife is in subjection to her husband, even as the Church is subject to Christ, the husband on his part having to love his wife even as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it. The responsibility of children is to obey their parents in the Lord. Their obedience is to be absolute, qualified only by the condition — in the Lord. Servants have likewise to obey their masters, parents and masters having on their side their respective obligations.

With these instructions before us, it is easy to perceive that if the wife govern instead of the husband, or if the children are permitted to have their own way, to please themselves instead of living in subjection; or if, again, servants are allowed to govern the household, it could not be productive either of blessing, harmony, or happiness. No; the pathway of blessing is the pathway of obedience in the several spheres we are called upon to fill. And when this is acknowledged by the various members of a family, that household becomes a testimony for God in a scene where all have departed from Him — a bright circle of light in the midst of surrounding darkness, and an anticipation of millennial blessing when the Lord's authority shall be acknowledged throughout the whole world.

Take first the family. The value God Himself sets upon subjection to His order is seen in that familiar passage in which He commends Abraham, on the ground that "he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment," etc. (Gen. 18:19.) In the epistles of Ephesians and Colossians also what care is taken to enjoin on every member of the Christian household the fulfilment of their several relative responsibilities. Children and servants, as well as parents and masters, husbands and wives, are directed as to the duties of their respective positions. On the other hand, what sad examples of parental misrule and of filial disobedience are preserved in the Scriptures for our admonition and warning. The happiness of the families of Eli, Samuel, David, and many others, was wrecked simply because the parents in these cases did not establish and uphold the divine governmental order. And not only was it the case that the happiness of the family was destroyed, but the sin, whether of parental failure, or of the children's disobedience, brought with it the divine judgment. (Read, for example, 1 Sam. 3:11-14.)

Wherein lies then the maintenance of God's order in the family? The answer to this question is found in both Ephesians and Colossians. (Eph. 5:22-33, Eph. 6:1-9; Col. 3:18-25, Col. 4:1.) The husband is the head, and as such has to act as God's viceregent, to govern not according to his, but according to the divine will. The authority put into his hands is from the Lord, and it is his to wield for Him, and it cannot therefore be delegated to another. The wife is in subjection to her husband, even as the Church is subject to Christ, the husband on his part having to love his wife even as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it. The responsibility of children is to obey their parents in the Lord. Their obedience is to be absolute, qualified only by the condition — in the Lord. Servants have likewise to obey their masters, parents and masters having on their side their respective obligations.

With these instructions before us, it is easy to perceive that if the wife govern instead of the husband, or if the children are permitted to have their own way, to please themselves instead of living in subjection; or if, again, servants are allowed to govern the household, it could not be productive either of blessing, harmony, or happiness. No; the pathway of blessing is the pathway of obedience in the several spheres we are called upon to fill. And when this is acknowledged by the various members of a family, that household becomes a testimony for God in a scene where all have departed from Him — a bright circle of light in the midst of surrounding darkness, and an anticipation of millennial blessing when the Lord's authority shall be acknowledged throughout the whole world.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord" (Eph. 5:22). This is the Divine order. The husband is the head of the wife, and while she is free to make suggestions for consideration of her husband, yet in matters of importance he is to make the final decisions. He is wise if he leaves to her the many minor decisions of homemaking, and to act with due consideration of her preferences also. But it is her very glory to know how to submit with gentle grace and cheerfulness, even if her wishes are not followed.

God's order in creation made the husband to be head of the wife. This does not mean he is superior to the wife, but as the head he is responsible to supply the nourishment, guidance and encouragement the wife needs. Though the wife may make suggestions and express concerns that should be considered, yet the husband is responsible to make final decisions. This reference to headship leads the apostle immediately to speak of the marvelous relationship of Christ as the Head of the Church, of which Adam and Eve's marriage is a divinely intended picture. Not only is Christ the Head of the Church, the source of its nourishment and guidance, but He is the Savior of the body. His preserving, protecting salvation is a daily need of His body, the Church, just as a husband is not only head of his wife, but her protector also.

This is God's order for man and wife in the home in this dispensation of Grace. Though the wife is to be tenderly cared for and regarded in highest love by the husband, she is to own him as the head of the home, to be subject to him, and to reverence him. She is to do this "as unto the Lord" (Eph. 5:22), recognizing the Lord behind her husband, as the One from whom her husband's authority is derived. She is also to remember that in her submission to her husband she is a type and reflection of the Church's subjection to Christ, its head. Wondrous privilege indeed!

In I Timothy 5:14 the younger women are told to "marry, bear children, guide the house." Guiding and ordering the household is woman's special work, but the husband is the responsible head of the house. A woman who assumes the headship of the house to the contempt of her husband will surely be unhappy and wretched, and will certainly reap the bitter fruits of her own rebellion in the lawlessness of her children brought up in disorder. Though women today demand liberty and equal rights with men and feminine submission is unpopular to a great extent and cast aside, it is still God's desire and command that the wife be in subjection to the husband as the head of the house. Without this there can be no true joy and blessing in the home-life.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:22-24.) It will be seen from this Scripture that the position of the wife is one of subjection. We say "position," because, as the careful reader will perceive, the exhortation is based upon the character of the relationship. The wife is indeed enjoined to obedience, but it is on the ground of the place she occupies. This has been somewhat obscured by the insertion of a word or two in the translation. We read, "As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be," etc.; but omit the word "let," which, as the italics indicate, has been introduced, and we have then a simple statement of fact: "As the church is subject unto Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything." It is important to notice this, because the obedience, which is here enjoined upon the wife, is then seen to be that which should flow out of the position in which she is set — the natural fruit of the relationship. In other words, obedience to her husband is not left to the choice of the wife, but is to be rendered because of her relative place. It is this fact the Spirit of God brings before our notice.

(1.) The law, then, of the wife is her husband's will; or rather she is put in the place of subjection to his authority. There would seem to be one limitation to this statement, indicated by the words which are found in Colossians, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." (Col. 3:18.) If therefore the will of the husband should interfere with the wife's individual responsibility to the Lord — come into conflict with the Lord's will as expressed in His word — if the alternative be forced upon her of obedience to her husband or disobedience to the Lord, then the Lord must have the supreme claim. With this solitary exception her submission to her husband must be complete. "As the church is subject unto Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything." There cannot thus be any allowed exception apart from the one named.

In 1 Timothy 5:14, managing and maintaining order in the household ("rule the house") is the particular work of the woman, certainly in agreement with her husband, who is responsible for it because he is the head of the family.