What should I do if I cannot decide who I should be dating?

As a young man I had many lessons to learn. I thought I knew all the answers but at the age of seventeen I came to realise that I needed to completely rethink my attitude to this subject. I came to the conclusion that God knew what was best for my life and if He wanted me to be married He would guide me to the right person when His time was right. I did not want to do anything that would prevent my receiving His best. I realised that God knew how to give me a wife, if that was His will, so I determined that I would not in any way commit myself to anyone until I was sure it was the Lord's will. (I was sure that in such an important matter I would not be in any doubt.) I made a simple rule for myself that I would not go out alone with or show attachment to any girl until I was sure of God's will. This way I avoided being carried along by a momentary whim.

God knew that I needed a wife and that we could serve the Lord better together than apart and His will is best. Pray to God to show you His way, don't decide what you want and then pray about it. Pray that He may make His mind clear to you and then you will be able to thank Him when He gives the answer.

Let us take a practical illustration from what may occur to you. You may meet an agreeable person to whom you are attracted and whom you think would form a desirable companion for you. Now do not act hastily in the matter. Do not take a step in the dark, which may cause you many regrets. Allow the light of the divine lamp to fall upon the question. Consider what the consequences of the companionship may be. Is the person such a one as the word of God commends? If you wait patiently on the Lord in this sincere manner, you are sure not to be led astray.

In Proverbs 30 Agur talks about three things that are too wonderful for him; one of these is "the way of a man with a maid"! The romance of choosing a partner and the way this happens to us as guided by God is something very special for the different individuals involved. Our Lord spent all night in prayer before He chose His disciples; and to be guided into the will of God we need to be similarly exercised in prayer.

There is a different role for the man and the woman in these things. The man has the responsibility to take the initiative, the woman has the responsibility to respond, or not, as the Lord may lead. The man therefore has the duty to wait patiently upon the Lord before intervening in the life of a sister; and the woman to prayerfully wait upon the Lord to provide her with His choice.

We have spoken about God's leading to the right partner for us if it is His will, but there is also another aspect to consider and that is our responsibility to act according to the Scriptures and with wisdom.

Prayer for wisdom and direction is as essential in this area as it is in every aspect of our lives. There have been many that have made mistakes: remember Samson and Delilah; Esau and the daughters of Heth; Solomon and his many wives; Ahab and Jezebel.

Physical attraction makes up part of the bond we have with our partner but this must not take priority over the spiritual and mental aspects of our relationship. The world around us makes almost everything of the physical and we must guard against this playing too great a part in our choice of partner. The world is led on by Satan who is against the idea of marriage as instituted by God. If we allow ourselves to be exposed to the media's perceptions of relationships they can unconsciously enter our minds and affect our actions. Let us guard ourselves from songs, films, books, plays etc. that entertain low morals or overplay the physical and emotion aspect of choosing a partner.

As I said at the beginning, pray. Earnest prayer is vital, we must be guided by the Lord in these things - but even in this there is a danger. How often has someone starting down a foolish road quickly justified himself or herself by saying 'but I have prayed a lot about it.' We must realise that the flesh is weak and it is so easy to persuade ourselves that the Lord is sanctioning our actions because we want it that way when we have already committed ourselves to our own will. Patience is a safeguard while we pray. Wait patiently upon Him.

The Lord guide you, dear brother, about your marriage, if still in abeyance: it is ever good to wait on Him, and not be in a hurry, or let our own will work. "I waited patiently for the Lord" is a word of Christ's Himself, and He cares for us and directs in everything.

We do not feel free to offer any counsel in your case. You must wait only upon God. Each one must learn for himself, in communion with God, his proper path in this solemn matter. We have invariably found that those who were most forward in offering counsel were the most incompetent to give it. On the other hand, those whose counsel would be worth having were slowest to give it. Do not suppose, dear friend, that we do not sympathize with you in your exercise; we do most deeply. But we believe you must ask counsel of God.

I know so little of the case in detail that I find myself quite unable to form any satisfactory judgment upon it; but I am sure that if she will turn to the Lord and Him only in the matter, and make Him her burden-bearer, and ask for grace to be contented to have His will performed and not her own, she will find present rest and future blessing.

I know so little of the case in detail that I find myself quite unable to form any satisfactory judgment upon it; but I am sure that if she will turn to the Lord and Him only in the matter, and make Him her burden-bearer, and ask for grace to be contented to have His will performed and not her own, she will find present rest and future blessing.