What should I be looking for in a wife?
Answered from the commentary of Arno Clemens Gaebelein, Frank Wallace, Julius A. Von Poseck and 11 others
Look for a woman of worth: one who fears the Lord, is faithful and devoted, and whose value is far above rubies. Her faith should be shown in a godly life, with like faith and obedience to the Lord, and a shared desire to seek His will and serve Him. Let the Lord guide you in this choice, and look for clear assurance that the union is in the Lord.
Look for faithfulness, diligence, wisdom, kindness, and care for her household; her words should be wise and kind, and her work willing. A meek and quiet spirit, which is of great price in the sight of God, matters more than outward adornment. And look for a heart in which your trust can safely rest, one that does you good and not evil. The question is not only what you seek in her: both should be ready for loving self-denial and diligent care for the other's blessing, with enduring faithfulness and devotedness. When marriage comes, it is a bond of one man and one woman, joined as one flesh, calling for lifelong faithfulness.
Verses: Genesis 2:18, Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 18:22, Proverbs 19:14, Proverbs 31:10, Proverbs 31:11, Proverbs 31:12, Proverbs 31:13, Proverbs 31:14, Proverbs 31:15, Proverbs 31:16, Proverbs 31:17, Proverbs 31:18, Proverbs 31:19, Proverbs 31:20, Proverbs 31:21, Proverbs 31:22, Proverbs 31:23, Proverbs 31:24, Proverbs 31:25, Proverbs 31:26, Proverbs 31:27, Proverbs 31:28, Proverbs 31:29, Proverbs 31:30, Proverbs 31:31, 1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Corinthians 7:3, 1 Corinthians 7:4, 1 Corinthians 7:5, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:23, Ephesians 5:24, Ephesians 5:25, Ephesians 5:26, Ephesians 5:27, Ephesians 5:28, Ephesians 5:29, Ephesians 5:30, Ephesians 5:31, Ephesians 5:32, Ephesians 5:33, Colossians 3:18, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:1, 1 Peter 3:2, 1 Peter 3:3, 1 Peter 3:4, 1 Peter 3:5, 1 Peter 3:6, 1 Peter 3:7
The above is AI generated summary based on the writers below.
What the commentators say
The passages the answer is drawn from, the most direct first, with the words that bear on the question marked.
Look at it in a natural way. Here is a young man, going to enter on a career of service for God. How important that he should make no alliance that will hinder his usefulness and service. How important that every step should be taken in dependence upon God, with earnest prayer for guidance, particularly in so important a step as choosing a partner, a companion. How absolutely important it is that she should be of the same mind with himself. First of all she should be one of the Lord's people, surely, and besides she should have like faith and obedience with himself.
Look at it in a natural way. Here is a young man, going to enter on a career of service for God. How important that hp should make no alliance that will hinder his usefulness and service. How important that every step should be taken in dependence upon God, with earnest prayer for guidance, particularly in so important a step as choosing a partner, a companion. How absolutely important it is that she should be of the same mind with himself. First of all she should be one of the Lord's people, surely, and besides she should have like faith and obedience with himself.
How do we see someone else's commitment to the Lord? If we are involved in the Lord's work in whatever capacity our abilities allow, we will meet others who are like minded and this commitment to serve the Lord will flow into our marriage. Let us not deceive ourselves into thinking that an attraction to someone is sufficient and assume that other difficulties will be overcome after we are married.
If in both the man and woman who contemplate marriage, there is not present some real measure of this willingness to give himself or herself in loving self-denial, in diligent care and labour for the blessing of the other, then they may be certain that such a marriage has not the sanction of God. Let them proceed no further.
This love, as we see in the Lord Jesus, involves an undeviating faithfulness and thorough devotedness to the one who is loved. If considering marriage, let the believer be not only fully purposed himself that this should be true of him, but be certain that such evidence is seen in the partner he desires.
First we learn that the one who is to be his helpmeet must be his "counterpart" or "his like," for thus should we read the last two words of verse 18. The one that can satisfy the heart of Adam must be "his like," and thus have the same thoughts and affections, and be able to respond to his love. For love can only be satisfied with an object that responds to love.
The final portion of the book of Proverbs is a description of the virtuous woman. This section is quite different from the rest of the book, like many Psalms and the Lamentations it is alphabetically arranged. The virtuous woman, who is far more valuable than rubies, is described in her home as a faithful wife, a painstaking mother and the competent mistress of her household. There is no need to allegorize this description and apply it to the Church, as some have done. But this virtuous woman stands out in prominent and bright relief--a relief against the descriptions of "the strange woman," the adulteress so repeatedly mentioned in Proverbs (2:16-20; 5:1-23; 22:14; 23:27, etc.). One of the proverbs is expanded in this beautiful picture drawn by the Spirit of God: "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the LORD." But how few of the modern women reach this ideal! How few among Christian women measure up to it!
He is warned against lust and drink, and then comes a wonderful description of a virtuous woman. Her husband’s heart trusts her. She is industrious. She is farseeing. She rises early and retires late, so great is her energy. “Strength and honour are her clothing.” Her speech is wise and kind. Her children rise up and call her blessed, Her own works praise her in the gates.
Does the question of verse 10 not imply that a virtuous woman is not to be found everywhere, just as another question is raised in chapter 20:6, "A faithful man who can find?" Virtue does not only refer to moral purity, it is evident, but to all the characteristics of faithfulness, diligence, dependability that the chapter outlines. How refreshing to see in any good measure these qualities in a woman. But it is impossible apart from the grace of God having wrought in her heart. No material price can possibly give a recompense for her. The precious red ruby, or many of them together have no comparison to her worth. But are we not given a veiled hint here that her value is only measured by the precious blood of Christ, the price of her redemption? It is He Himself who has placed this value upon her: His heart safely trusts in her: He will have no lack of spoil, that is, no lack of gain through her. Not only will she refrain from harmful things, but "she will do Him good," as the good servant who reports to his master, "Lord, thy pound hath gained ten pounds." She is too busily occupied with good to allow time for even worthless things, let alone evil things. And this continues "all the days of her life:" there is no growing weary of diligent devotion.
“She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” Her speech is in all wisdom — there is “neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient”. But though in her conversation chaste, she is not austere; for “the law of kindness” is in her tongue. Her conversation is always in grace, yet seasoned with salt. There is a way of speaking which is as the piercings of a sword; and on the other hand there is a class of speech that is all honey. Both extremes are by this favoured woman happily avoided; while kindly in manner and tone, there is no winking at or smoothing over wrong or sin. “She looketh well to the ways of her household” — there is the faithful exercise of discipline in the circle of her own. Some would discard discipline entirely in the church — the house of God. Not so this noble helpmeet of her Husband; she watches carefully the conduct of those beneath her roof and under her authority. And there are those set in the church “who watch for our souls as those that must give account”. “Good, easy man” does not describe the “man of God”; he threatens to come “with a rod”; if remonstrance and loving admonition fail.
Proverbs 31:10 (Aleph). "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies." The word virtuous here has the sense of devoted and thrifty; she is a woman with a high regard for the position she occupies by reason of her relationship with her husband. We might well, in the light of this, ask ourselves, How much do we realize and value the high dignity conferred upon us as having been brought into association with Christ? and how much are we concerned with His interests during His absence as being completely devoted to Him? The price of one so devoted is above the price of rubies.
Verses
- Genesis 2:18And Jehovah Elohim said, It is not good that Man should be alone; I will make him a helpmate, his like.
- Genesis 2:24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
- Proverbs 12:4A woman of worth is a crown to her husband; but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
- Proverbs 18:22Whoso hath found a wife hath found a good thing, and hath obtained favour from Jehovah.
- Proverbs 19:14House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers; but a prudent wife is from Jehovah.
- Proverbs 31:10–3110Who can find a woman of worth? for her price is far above rubies. 11The heart of her husband confideth in her, and he shall have no lack of spoil. 12She doeth him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. 13She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14She is like the merchants' ships she bringeth her food from afar; 15And she riseth while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and the day's work to her maidens. 16She considereth a field, and acquireth it; of the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17She girdeth her loins with strength, and maketh strong her arms. 18She perceiveth that her earning is good; her lamp goeth not out by night. 19She putteth her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20She stretcheth out her hand to the afflicted, and she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22She maketh herself coverlets; her clothing is byssus and purple. 23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24She maketh body linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laugheth [at] the coming day. 26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and upon her tongue is the law of kindness. 27She surveyeth the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her 29Many daughters have done worthily, but thou excellest them all. 30Gracefulness is deceitful and beauty is vain; a woman [that] feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.