What should be the Christian view of romance?

In marriage too, an individual loses his own identity and both become a new person: "And they twain shall be one flesh: so that they are no more twain but one flesh." (Matthew 10 v 8) If we take Christ as our pattern we should give our love to our partner, wanting only their love in return. (He loved us and gave Himself for us. Ephesians 5 v 25) and as this is displayed love will grow.

But to quote from verse 25: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it." Here is the great, fundamental principle involved in marriage-true, pure, unselfish love, - love that gave everything and demanded nothing. How much more this is than mere sentiment or emotion, things that are often mistaken for love. For love willingly, gladly spends itself for the welfare of the one loved. And this leads us first to speak briefly of the necessity of

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." Thus we have the love of Christ to the church set forth as the model according to which the christian husband is to seek that his own love to his wife should be conformed. Look at its source and character: "Christ also loved the assembly." All flows out of this. Need I, even as a man, say, that love, as it is what ought to precede a marriage, so is the only secret which, in nature, makes the marriage happy when it is formed? The love of Christ that is shown us here is taken in from first to last, as one unbroken whole. It is well to remember it in married life: the love that was true before the tie was formed, is a love that abides when it is formed, and that should grow unto the end.

Husbands are to love their own wives with no less a standard than that of Christ's love for the Church (v.25). He gave Himself for it; not merely did He give many gifts, but Himself. If one is not willing to give himself for an intended wife, he ought not to marry her. Observe that all this section emphasizes that love seeks diligently the greatest good of its object, and at personal expense.

This love, as we see in the Lord Jesus, involves an undeviating faithfulness and thorough devotedness to the one who is loved. If considering marriage, let the believer be not only fully purposed himself that this should be true of him, but be certain that such evidence is seen in the partner he desires.

These words of the apostle afford us a fresh proof of what I have just said, that every true Christian exhortation must be "in Christ." Just as the next word after "husbands," is: "love your wives," thus at once characterising the nature of the relationship of a husband to his wife; so the next word after "love your wives," is, "even as Christ also loved the Church." The apostle does not present Christ to the old man, in appealing to the husband's natural good qualities, as manliness, gentleness, liberality, kindness, etc., nor does he present the amiable natural qualities of the woman with her attractions, and the affectionate and touching or solemn vows interchanged at the commencement of their union, as objects of attraction to the new nature of the Christian husband. It is neither the sun shining upon a stone, nor a candle held before a plant. The Christ above us acts upon the Christ in us. The husband's motive for loving his wife must be — Christ. His object in loving her must be again — Christ. And if it is otherwise, the character and spirit of their matrimonial relationship will soon be lowered to the level of a mere natural relationship, and exchange the savour of Christ and His Spirit for that of the flesh, and thus the salt lose his savour. This danger is greater in the matrimonial relationship than in any of the following, because of the closeness of the natural tie, and of the idolatry of the natural heart, stepping in between Christ and the soul.

Do I mean by speaking thus, to impede or check the legitimate outflow of the natural affections between husband and wife? There is nothing farther from my intentions than such a monkish tendency. It is just the absence of the natural affections, implanted in our hearts by our gracious Creator God, which characterises the latter days, and constitutes one of the chief features of apostasy. On the contrary, where Christ is the motive and object for husband and wife in their intercourse, the love of Christ, instead of impeding and hemming in the free outflow of conjugal affections, will only serve to deepen and render them genuine, by sanctifying, and thus preserving them from degenerating, into the idolatry of a mere fleshly affection. "Sanctifying God in your hearts" and "glorifying Him in your bodies." Thus those natural legitimate affections will be ennobled into Christian affections, "even as Christ loved the Church", by being kept under the gentle control of the Spirit, and in the channel of His mind. Certainly, there is no affection so true, so abiding and so deep, as that between a spiritually-minded Christian husband and wife, because it is in Christ and for Christ's sake. "O Lord, Thy boundless love to me No thought can reach, no tongue declare; Then bend my wayward heart to Thee, And reign without a rival there; From Thee, my Lord, I all receive, Thine, wholly Thine, alone I'ld live." "O Lord, how cheering is Thy way! How blest, how gracious in mine eyes! Care, anguish, sorrow, pass away, And fear before Thy presence flies. Lord Jesus, nothing would I see, Nothing desire apart from Thee!" "'Mid conflict be Thy love my peace! In weakness be Thy love my strength! And when the storms of life shall cease, And Thou to meet us com'st at length, O Jesus, then this heart will be For ever satisfied with Thee."

Verse 33. It is concerning Christ and the Church that the Apostle speaks, when he magnifies the mystery of wedded union. But of this great mystery the married life of saints should be, in some sort a reflection. While the spiritual consummation is but a hope, the believing acknowledgment that such a relationship subsists is to regulate the feelings with which the Christian man or wife is to regard the merely natural connexion. To love from principle, and in the power of faith, is something different from obeying a natural instinct. Passion may lead to the forming of a contract, which spiritual devoteduess must afterwards maintain. Hence reverence and love, which are the necessary pillars of true matrimonial peace, are here enjoined as duties, rather than relied on as things natural and inherent in the relationship described. Doubtless, a marriage without genuine affection would be no true reflex of the love of Jesus to His spouse. What is taught us here, however, is that, among Christians, Christ is to be the one governing and regulating principle of every relationship which a member of His mystic body may be called upon to fill.

We have souls also, and the soul seeks companionship; it needs relationships in which its affections can be exercised and developed. God's desire is that His creatures should be unselfishly happy, and in His wisdom and compassion He has said, "It is not good that man should be alone." So He has ordained marriage and the family life. It is true that the Word says, "They that marry shall have trouble in the flesh," yet, even so, every sensible person realises that the greatest natural happiness that any can know is found in marriage and the family life. And for Christians who dwell together as heirs of the grace of life there is the added joy of the home being the Kingdom of God, in which He is owned in dependence and prayer so that marriage yields a fuller communion with God than meats.

Marriage is the God-given relationship for the display of our natural affections and desires.

Marriage is central, therefore, in the web of human life, the basis of all relationships as God has instituted them. And as marriage (not mere sexual union) it has at most its mere shadow in the temporary attachments of the creatures below man. Personal obligation, voluntarily assumed, and expressed in constant fidelity, distinguishes it by the height of a whole heaven from these partial reflections of it.