What is a good husband according to the Bible?

As the distinguishing feature of the wife's conduct should be subjection, so that of the husband's should be love. “Husbands, love your wives.” The form in the original tongue of both exhortations to the married pair indicates that the act enjoined is to be constant and characteristic. Both the submission of the wife and the love of the husband must be a continuous habit, not an occasional occurrence.

In these guiding principles of piety in the two pillars of the home, it is significant that love is particularly enjoined upon the husband, and not, as might almost have been expected, upon the more tender and susceptible partner, the wife. The husband, therefore, needs, in entering upon his new responsibilities, to consider this distinction carefully in order to grasp the special force of the exhortation addressed to him.

And wherefore have we this wondrous description of the love of Christ for the church? To show what should be the character of the husband's love for His wife. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church." Not to press too closely the comparison in all its parts, we yet cannot fail to observe, that as Christ's love preceded His giving Himself for the church, so there cannot be a true union in the sight of God unless it has sprung from love. Love, and love only, should be the motive of the choice; and love must cement and beautify the union when formed. The whole element of the married life should be love; and not only so, but if the husband looks upon the standard here given, he will see that the one and constant demand the wife will make upon him is for love. His love must endure — survive all trials, unweariedly seeking to draw his wife closer and closer to himself, and ever keeping before him (as to earth) the object of a union which, as it has sprung from, can only be cemented by, an unchanging and indefatigable love. Nothing less can be intended by this divine model. A special application may perhaps not be out of place. Many a Christian husband finds himself united to an unbeliever; but his duty remains the same. And as the love of Christ seeks the eternal blessedness of the church, so the love of the husband will not be satisfied with seeking to secure the present comfort and happiness of his wife; but it will be exhibited in watchful and tender ministry of that word which brings the knowledge of salvation, through faith in the Lord Jesus. Every husband indeed will feel the obligation of caring for the spiritual welfare of his wife; for it is in this direction that his love will more nearly partake of the same character as that of Christ for the church. Truly therefore marriage, according to God, is no unimportant thing; and the more deeply this is felt, the greater will the husband feel the need of constant dependence, in order in any way to meet his responsibility. And, it may be added, the more constantly he is himself abiding in the sense of Christ's love, the more freely will his love flow out towards his wife.

But again it is added, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself." (Eph. 5:28-33.) Here we are carried back, as has been remarked, to the garden of Eden, to the creation and presentation of Eve to Adam, which in itself is a manifest figure of the union between Christ and the church; and this fact accounts for the way in which the apostle weaves the two things in these exhortations. (See Gen. 2:21-25.) The union is thus looked upon as so complete — as Adam said of Eve, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh;" and again, "They shall be one flesh" — that it is said, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. In this aspect, self-love is to be the measure of a man's love to his wife; and as this is one of the instincts of our nature — and naturally its governing principle — it is impossible to conceive of a more definite and comprehensive direction. Let therefore the oneness of the union — they two shall be one flesh — be apprehended, and love will follow; for the husband will then no more consider his wife as distinct from, but as a part of himself. Thus whatever touches her, will touch him; and his self-love, moving now in a wider circle, includes her, and all that affects and concerns her, within its embrace. All that he desires for himself he will also desire for his wife; all the care he exercises for himself he will exercise for her; and all that he receives he will receive for her as well as for himself. In a word, all the good he seeks and all the evil he deprecates, he will also seek and deprecate for his wife, as for himself; for together they are "one flesh," and therefore he that loveth his wife loveth himself. The word of God provides in this way a perfect antidote against selfishness, and leads out the husband in self-sacrifice, which is the fruit of all true love, and which finds its highest exemplification in Christ, who loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.

In the ideal marriage of scripture, therefore, the wife becomes the enthralling object of her spouse's affection and devotion to a degree which deepens in intensity as the years pass. Self is set aside in the home-life, and he that is married is solicitous in everyday matters how he may please his wife rather than himself. And while he may forget his own little lordship in the absorbing self-sacrifice of his love, he finds that his wife does not forget his authority over her nor omit her ready obedience to him, just because he is so lavish in his love toward her.

But, secondly, the husband's love should be manifested by a continual care for the well-being of his wife. This pleasant duty is impressed upon him by the present service of the love of Christ in sanctifying and cleansing the church with the washing of water by the word (ver. 26). Whatever the behaviour of the church towards her Lord, Christ is faithful and unremitting in the activities of His love that she may be purified from everything that is inconsistent with her new status as His chosen bride and the sharer of His coming glories.

Guided by the lofty standard of Christ's concern for His church, the husband studies to promote the welfare of his wife, as his own body (ver. 28). He helps her, first of all in her spiritual life, in the exercises of worship and prayer and service in the home. He lightens her labours in household affairs, shoulders her burdens of family responsibility, shields her from anxieties and fears, comforts her in hours of sorrow, and ministers help to her weakness without telling her so. Neither will he forget to note her acts of devotion to himself in response to his love, nor to praise her many excellences, as the scripture enjoins (Prov. 31:28-29) if he should be so negligent as to need this injunction.

The relationship established brings with it the joys and privileges peculiar to it, "They two shall be one flesh,"-joined in a unity such as no other relationship could possibly exhibit. It is theirs now to share in common the experiences and exercises of live, and what will also be welcome to the honourable heart, the responsibilities that have been willingly assumed by acceptance of one another. In all the experiences of life henceforth, let us firmly purpose to act consistently with this noble and blessed relationship. Let us not however expect in this a perfect state, for if so we shall be rightly disappointed. Indeed, it will be rather a further field of training in view of the perfect state, and it will be well if we gird ourselves to learn well by experiences of joy and sorrow, quietness and turmoil, rest and labour, distress and relief, pain and pleasure.

Ephesians 5 has told us, "Husbands, love your wives." Colossians 3:19 ads: "and be not bitter against them." Love ought only to increase as the years pass, not because of the worthiness of the object, but because of communion with God. The tenderness of proper care, forbearance, understanding, concern for the purest blessing of the wife, should characterize the husband consistently. Let each Christian husband challenge himself whether this is so, and if not, make no excuse, but obey the Word of God.

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."-1 PETER 3:7.

THE duty of the husband is quite as simple as that of the wife. As hers is comprised in the word "obedience," his is contained in that of "love." The wife, if a direction sent to a special class be excepted (Titus 2:4), is never commanded to love her husband. It is taken for granted that she will do so; and, as a matter of fact, she seldom fails in this direction. Even though she may be unequally yoked — be united to one who has not the least sympathy with her holiest feelings, and receive little but unkindness, her love will survive the harshest treatment. Crushed and trodden under foot, it will spring up and greet the first display of kindness with a forgiving embrace. It is a perennial fountain. But with the husband it is often otherwise With fewer of the tender emotions, engrossed by his daily occupations, and exposed, it may be, to severer temptations, his danger is to forget his responsibility to love — or at least to manifest his love to — his chosen wife. Hence the Spirit of God recalls his responsibility to mind, and gives this injunction, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word," etc. (Eph. 5:25-33.)

If the wife is to be subject in everything to the husband as the church to Christ, Christ's love for the church is to be the character of the husband's affection for his wife; a love which took Him into death, a love which passeth knowledge. The husband is to love his wife with a love that would give himself, for Christ also loved the church and gave HIMSELF for it. Observe that when the love of Christ is presented "For me" (Gal. 2:20), "For us" (Eph. 5:2), and here "For it," the measure of it is He "Gave Himself." Whether it is individual, collective, or corporate in its presentation, the love of Christ is infinite, unfathomable, unchangeable, and eternal. But the church has been secured by Christ's death that He might prepare her for companionship with Him in His glory, and that she might be worthy of His affections. Therefore has the church been set apart by Christ; and He purifies it by the washing of water by the word. Our blessed Lord cannot suffer defilement on that which is dear to Him, therefore with unwearied service He removes from the church every trace of contact with the defiled scene through which it passes. Only the word of God can free the heart, mind, and spirit from the things around us; so that by the ministry of the word the Lord Jesus keeps our thoughts engaged with Himself and with the things that are above, where all is pure and holy.

In this passage, the husband is instructed to regard the intimate relation of Christ to His church upon which the apostle dwells, as the model of his own relation to his wife. Two features of this relation may be mentioned specially in this connection, viz.: (1) Christ's self-sacrifice, and (2) Christ's devoted care.

In the first place, the husband is to practise his love in the form of entire self-surrender in order to secure his wife's highest welfare, for, “Christ also loved the church, and delivered Himself up for it.” The blessed Lord surrendered up Himself altogether, without reserve, to promote the best interests of His church. And this whole-hearted sacrifice to ensure the present blessing and future glory of the church of His choice is set up as the model for the husband's imitation.

We have said that self-love is to be the measure, in the aspect considered, of the husband's love for his wife; but it is remarkable how this also is connected with Christ, teaching us that in no human self-love, but only in the love of Christ for the church, can its true pattern and example be found. For, giving the other side, the apostle proceeds: "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord* the church." The wife therefore being "one flesh" with him, he must nourish and cherish her, even as Christ the church. What heights and depths are contained in this comparison! showing indeed that the debt of love is never paid, but always owed. And yet that love delights to recognise it, and to be ever paying it, in lavishing care and tenderness upon her who has thus become one with him in the view of God.

Again, if the husband puts Christ and His interests first the wife will be the gainer. The Ephesian husband is the best of all husbands, loving his wife, nourishing and cherishing her, even as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church.

Up to the time of a man's marriage the chief relationship in which he stands is that of a son, and his responsibility is towards his parents, but when he marries he leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife. Henceforward she becomes his chief care, for he and she are no more twain but one flesh.

Every right-minded man will look upon his wife as the only woman in the world for him, he will desire no other; and that not because he has chosen her for his wife, but because God has joined them together. He will look upon her as the very woman that God made for him; he will treat her as God's gift to him, and more, he will treat her as himself, for they twain have become one flesh; and that by no mere ordinance of man, but by God's own act and decree, hence "what God has joined together let not man put asunder."