What does the Bible teach about marriage?
Marriage is not a human arrangement that religion later blessed; the commentators trace it back to God's own act at the very start of human history. That single fact shapes everything else the Bible says about it — who may marry, how long the bond lasts, how husband and wife are to treat each other, and what the whole relationship is meant to picture.
God's Institution, Not Man's Invention
The words spoken over the first marriage in Genesis are repeated twice more in Scripture, and one writer points out who does the repeating.
F. A. HughesIf you turn to Genesis you will find that God Himself brings this verse forward in the garden of Eden; here in the tenth of Mark the Lord in the days of His Manhood repeated this blessed fact that marriage springs from God; and when Paul is writing to the Ephesian church in the power of the Spirit of God, he quotes this verse too... marriage is hallowed as springing from the eternal heart of God. What a choice thought for our young friends to take away with them today, that what they have put their hand to is something not instituted by man, not springing from man's inventive mind, but coming fresh in all its beauty and glory from the eternal love of the heart of God.
What "One Flesh" Settles
The design set out in Genesis is not vague. It answers practical questions about who comes first and how many partners there may be.
Leslie M. GrantThis verse settles many questions. First, when marriage takes place, the man (or woman) is no longer in the place of subjection to parents. Secondly, he clings to his wife — only one wife, so that bigamy and polygamy are absolutely unscriptural. Clinging to his wife involves genuine love for her, and faithfulness and devotedness.
A Bond Meant to Last
When Jesus was questioned about divorce, He went behind the law of Moses to the beginning. Commentators read Moses' allowance as a concession, not a standard.
C. E. StuartNow the same lawgiver who sanctioned divorces had, in an earlier part of the Pentateuch, made known the original institution of marriage, in which there was no clause permitting divorce... The former was a provision "for the hardness of their hearts," and no doubt was often used without the qualifying ground stated there... The latter taught the sacredness and the real character of the tie. The tie, except for sexual immorality, should be held unbreakable.
The same conclusion is reached from the other side: only the breaking of the bond itself, by one of the two, dissolves it.
F. B. HoleOnly one thing can dissolve the tie according to God, and that is the virtual breaking of the bond by either of the parties.
Held in Honour
The ESV renders Hebrews 13:4, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled." One writer treats this as a command laid on married people themselves, not a statement that any and every union is automatically respectable.
William KellyIt is a solemn exhortation that nothing should be done in the relationship inconsistent with its holy and intimate character, as well as implying honour due to the relationship in itself and in every way. For Christians 1 Corinthians 7:39 guards the limits of "will" with that sole worthy principle, "only in the Lord."
Choosing a Partner
On one point the writers are blunt: this is not a matter to pray over as if the answer were open.
A. J. PollockIf a young man sets his affections on an unbelieving young woman there is no need to ask the Lord if it is His will that the marriage partnership should be contracted. The Scriptures plainly forbid it. "Only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:39), is the plain instruction of Scripture. "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Cor. 6:14), is equally clear and emphatic.
Where such a marriage already exists — entered before conversion, or in ignorance, or against the warning — the duties of husband and wife still stand.
An Outline of Sound WordsIf in ignorance a believer has married an unbeliever, the instructions relating to husband and wife are still binding. These instructions are still binding if a believer, in spite of the Lord's commandment, wilfully enters into an unequal marriage yoke.
Love and Subjection Belong Together
The New Testament gives a word to each partner, and neither instruction stands on its own.
F. B. HoleGod's arrangements are never lop-sided. If there is a word of instruction and guidance for those who have the subject place, there is equally a word for those who take the lead. In each case the Spirit of God puts His finger upon the weak spot. The husband is exhorted to love. Merely natural love can easily turn to bitterness, but this can never happen when his love is a reflection of the divine. If the husband is marked by love the wife has no difficulty in being subject.
That love is not enforced by pressure, but by example.
Julius A. Von PoseckThe Christian husband... does not, on his return, frown his wife into silence, submission, and obedience: but he loves her into it, and the only way he moves her to it is by his own example in submission and dependence upon Christ the Head, and obedience to His Word.
The Great Mystery
Ephesians 5 lifts marriage into a far larger frame. One writer argues the resemblance is deliberate, and runs in the opposite direction to what we might assume.
A. J. PollockIt is not that the relationship of husband and wife is a convenient illustration, but it is clear from Ephesians 5 that that marriage relationship was modelled on what God had in His mind, the relationship of Christ and the church. That is to say, the relationship of Christ and His church was in the Divine mind in the counsels of eternity, and in time the relationship of husband and wife was instituted.
Summary
- Instituted — Marriage came from God at the beginning, not from human custom, and Genesis, the Lord Himself, and Paul all quote the same founding words.
- Joined — God makes two people one flesh: one man, one woman, leaving parents behind and clinging to each other in love and faithfulness.
- Guarded — Divorce was a concession to hard hearts, never the design; commentators hold that only the breaking of the bond itself ends it.
- Ordered — Honour and purity are commanded inside the marriage, a believer is to marry "only in the Lord," and husband's love and wife's subjection are given as a matched pair.
- Mirrored — The whole relationship was modelled on Christ and the church, which is why treating it lightly touches something far bigger than two lives.