What does the Bible say about dating?
The word "dating" never appears in Scripture — it is a modern concept. But the Bible is far from silent on the principles that should govern how a believer approaches romantic relationships. Several foundational truths emerge from the writings.
"Only in the Lord"
The single clearest directive is found in 1 Corinthians 7:39, which says a believer is free to marry — but "only in the Lord." J.T. Mawson, in words spoken at a marriage service, opens this up with searching directness:
"In considering this great occasion four words have been much in my mind — 'Only in the Lord.' They were written in reference to marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, and we should ask, What do they mean? They mean, of course, that the Christian man must choose a Christian woman as wife, and the Christian woman must choose a Christian man as husband. To do otherwise would be to transgress the word of the Lord, 'Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.'"
But Mawson presses the principle further — "only in the Lord" means more than shared faith. It means acknowledging Christ's prior claim:
"You are His by right of purchase, He paid redemption's great price for you that He might possess you. You belong to each other now for as long as life shall last; you are to know the joy of possession and of being possessed, but before you knew each other you belonged to the Lord Jesus your Saviour, and you will not deny Him the joy of possession, His claim must ever stand first."
"In setting up a new home you are really adding a bit of territory to the Lord's Kingdom, for, as you own His rights over you, the Kingdom of God will be a practical thing in your home."
Be Not Unequally Yoked
The prohibition against being "unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14) is the passage most directly applied to romantic relationships. A writer in An Outline of Sound Words makes the application explicit:
"The Christian, whether Jew or Gentile, is not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Animals of different kinds were not to be yoked together by an Israelite (Deut. 22:10), an instruction that was not for themselves alone, but for us also, as found in this Scripture. The righteous Christian, accounted righteous by faith in Christ, and constituted righteous as having the life of the One in whom he has been justified, has nothing in common with the unrighteous of this world but the flesh, which God has judged in the cross, and which the believer has crucified."
And directly on the subject of marriage:
"It should not be necessary to say that a Christian should not be joined in marriage to an unbeliever. If however one becomes a Christian after having married, there is clear instruction for such in 1 Corinthians 7:10–16, and 1 Peter 3:1."
Hamilton Smith, writing on Lot's downward path into Sodom, gives the same warning from the opposite direction — showing what happens when a believer forms close associations with the ungodly:
Hamilton Smith"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: and what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness: and what communion has light with darkness? And what concord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has he that believes with an infidel?"
"In spite of these plain words, what do we see on every hand today? Not only a world filled with violence and corruption — this has ever been — but, on every hand we see true believers, in flagrant disregard of the Word of God, associated with unbelievers and those who mock at divine things."
What to Look For: Grace and Devotion
The story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 is the great scriptural picture of how God brings two people together. Hamilton Smith draws out several principles from this narrative:
The mark of a godly partner is grace. The servant prayed for a woman who would go beyond what was asked of her — and Rebekah did exactly that:
"The servant prays, 'Let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher I pray thee that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac.' From these words it is clear that the servant was not sent to select a bride from the daughters of men for Isaac, but to find the appointed bride, and that grace would be her characteristic mark."
The decision involves the whole heart. Rebekah was asked a simple but all-encompassing question — "Wilt thou go with this man?" — and her answer was immediate:
"The relatives would detain Rebekah at least ten days. The servant's desire is to be away, and by his report of Isaac, he forms the same mind in Rebekah. If we allow the Holy Spirit to have His way with us — if we hinder Him not, He will form our minds according to His mind, to think as He thinks about Christ, to detach our hearts from the things where Christ is not, and to engage our affections with Christ where He is."
Wisdom, Not Just Love
Mawson's marriage address contains a striking piece of practical counsel — love alone is not sufficient:
"You have your God-given love for each other — a great gift, life would be intolerable together without that — but that is not enough for a truly successful marriage; you will need to mix wisdom with your love; and not worldly wisdom, which is more often than not rank folly. You will need the wisdom which is from above, of which James speaks, which 'is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits.'"
"'If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.' What an encouragement there is in that for prayer in the Name of the Lord!"
And to the wife in particular:
"You may have a beauty in your home that is fadeless, you may fill your home with a fragrance that will not pass away, you may adorn yourself with a garment that will never grow old... It is 'a meek and quiet spirit which, in the sight of God, is of great price.' It may be an old-fashioned adornment, for 'after this manner in old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands' (1 Peter 3:4-5). It may not be fashionable in the world, but how pleased God will be with it."
The Warning of Proverbs
William Kelly, commenting on Proverbs 2, warns against the kind of relationship that leads away from God:
William Kelly"The discretion that flows from wisdom is no less efficacious to guard from 'the strange woman' and her flattering words, where lust reigns, not love, and selfish passion, not true affection and tender regard. Debauchery is all that could be expected from her that forsakes the guide of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God."
On the positive side, Leslie M. Grant comments on Proverbs 5:18:
Leslie M. Grant"Marriage is 'honorable among all' (Heb. 13:4), a normal blessing that God has provided in creation, though some may be greatly blessed by remaining single for the glory of God. However, it is a wonderful blessing from God that believers may 'rejoice with the wife of your youth.'"
Marriage as God's Institution
Morrish's Bible Dictionary traces marriage back to its origin:
Morrish's Bible Dictionary"This is God's institution: He said it was not good that man should be alone, and He provided a suitable help for Adam in the person of Eve. Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman (isha), because she was taken out of Man (ish). Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.' This declaration of union was confirmed by the Lord, who, in quoting the above, added, 'Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.'"
"All this shows that God's institution of marriage was the union of one man and one woman, the two and only two, becoming one."
The Bible does not prescribe a method of courtship, but it is emphatic about the principles that govern romantic relationships. First, a believer must only pursue a relationship with another believer — "only in the Lord" — because a union between light and darkness, between one who belongs to Christ and one who does not, is a contradiction at its root. Second, what matters in a partner is not outward attraction alone but the evidence of grace — a heart that gives more than is asked, as Rebekah did. Third, love must be joined to heavenly wisdom, the kind that is "first pure, then peaceable, gentle." Fourth, Christ's claim comes first — before the relationship, before the home, before the partner. The home itself is to be a territory added to the Lord's kingdom. And fifth, the whole direction of Scripture is that a relationship should not attach you more firmly to the world but should draw both hearts upward toward Christ, just as Rebekah left everything behind to journey toward Isaac in the promised land.