What does it mean to be tenderhearted in Ephesians 4:32?

Verse 32. "And be ye kind one to another," etc. Kindness and tenderness of heart are comelier ornaments for a forgiven sinner than bitterness and wrath. For it is little that such an one can have to remit to his offending neighbour, in comparison with "all that debt" which God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven him. The simple but powerful nature of this appeal is immediately acknowledged by both the heart and conscience of the genuine believer. It is by the remembrance of that kindness of God, which is our common portion, that the heart is kept ready for the exercise of fervent charity. Knowledge by itself puffs up; love edifies. Both should be added to our faith, but each should be valued wisely, and according to the estimate of God. But nothing is so dear to Him who gave His Son for our redemption, as kindness and humility of mind Knowledge, being a thing of measure and attainment, tends to sever rather than unite. Divine forgiveness is received by us in equal measure. He has forgiven us in Christ and for His Name (1 John 2:12). A lively recognition of that grace is, therefore, the effectual means of knitting together, in unfeigned love, those hearts which taste its gracious sweetness. We love if we are born of God. If true knowledge grows in us, our love to God increases with it. But He lets us know that the most acceptable proof we can afford of our love to Him is an active kindness to each other in His name (1 John 4:20-21).

On the other hand, how precious to cultivate the contrasting virtues of verse 32. Even at a time when the feelings of a child of God are badly hurt, he has within him that blessed nature that may still be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving. Indeed, such character is thoroughly consistent for those who have known that "God in Christ" has forgiven us. It is not simply because of Christ's intercession that God has forgiven us, but rather that God is the blessed Author of the forgiving grace that has been manifested to us in the person of the Lord Jesus and in His matchless sacrifice of love. God delights to forgive as seen in the sending of His beloved Son. Let this be rightly valued and we will show similar character in that measure in which we lay hold of the grace of God to enjoy it.

(V. 32). In contrast with the evil speaking and malice of the flesh, we are to be kind, tender-hearted and forgiving towards one another in the consciousness of the way God has acted towards us in forgiving us for Christ's sake.

Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil-speaking, are to be put away from us, along with all malice; and kindness, tender-heartedness, forgiveness of one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us, are to take their place. We are viewed in this Epistle, as we have seen, quickened by the life that is in God, and therefore the beautiful features, as they have been set before us in Christ and which are the characteristics of that life, are to be exhibited in us. We are never asked to practice any spiritual grace that has not first of all been exhibited by God in the life of Jesus down here. If we are partakers of the divine nature, let us endeavour to exhibit the lineaments of that life and nature while here in this scene of contrariety.

But, as was observed in the previous verses, bare abstinence from the mind and workings of the flesh suffices not. There is the activity of good in Christ, the second Man, and this the Spirit produces as well as demands in the Christian. Hence it is added, "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ has forgiven you." Clearly, therefore, It is a question of showing grace; and the pattern of it all is God in Christ, not in the law, holy, just and good as the commandment is. But good as the law was and is, Christ is the best of all, the genuine and only foil and perfect expression of what God is. And leaving the law to deal with the wicked (1 Tim. 1), as the apostle expressly declares is its lawful use, we who are dead with Christ are not under law but grace, which, by the power of the Spirit, strengthens us according to its own character and gives communion with Him who is its source.

As brought to God, I have learned what God is as to His ways of grace (verses 31 and 32): "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil-speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Did God come and clamour against you in justice? He sent His Son to give Himself for you, and has forgiven you. There is a man that wronged me; I am going to forgive him, as God forgave me, and (if I am near enough to God to do it) to show out what we have been learning is the joy of our souls.

It seems to me that what follows in Ephesians 4, bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, evil speaking and malice are all the things that come from a hard heart, and indicate a wrong attitude towards each other, something that ought not to be there at all in a Christian company. The kind of persons that you feel the Holy Spirit will support, encourage and stimulate in all the power that belongs to Him, are the ones which are "Kind to one another, tender-hearted, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you". This is the indication of a true, tender heart. It is a tremendous blessing to take account of, that the Holy Spirit indwells us, and this has been burdened upon me recently in view of these meetings. Just think of that! The Holy Spirit, a divine Person, indwells each believer. This is a distinctive blessing that belongs to the Christian era. We used to sing the children's hymn 'We would have liked to have been at the time when the Lord was upon earth to have seen His deeds of kindness and have heard His words of power', but how marvellous today that a divine Person, coequal with the Son, is here indwelling us! Oh, how important that we should not grieve Him! What a sad thing it is to grieve the Holy Spirit!

This same truth is found in more than one of the epistles. Paul, writing to the Ephesians, says, "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ hath forgiven you. Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children." (Eph. 4:32; Eph. 5:1.) It is not as in our version, "as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you," but as we have given it, "as God in Christ." For the apostle here presents God in the riches of His grace, acting, without motive, except in Himself, and needing therefore no inducement to forgiveness; but acting solely from His own heart — these forms of display being but the manifestation of what He is as seen in redemption. But he presents Him in this way as our standard, and hence he says, "Be ye imitators of God as beloved children." As in the gospels, so here, the children are desired to present in their conduct the character of God as their Father. And thereon the apostle shows us God as love, and God as light — the two words which tell out all that God is; and he says to us, "You are also to display love and light." Thus he says, "Walk in love," (v. 2); and, "walk as children of light." (v. 8.) Christ Himself is brought in as the example of love in His having loved us, and given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savour; for in this act of sacrifice He is the expression of the whole heart of God. And inasmuch as we are now light in the Lord we are to walk as children of light, and the fruit of the light (it is light, not Spirit) is in all goodness, and righteousness, and truth — in such a walk proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

We may well, in the face of such scriptures, challenge ourselves as to whether these desires of God for us are sufficiently borne in mind. The temptation to measure ourselves by one another is so great that we cannot be too frequently reminded that God Himself, according to what He is as displayed in redemption as love and light, is our standard for walk and conduct. And with what motives are we herein furnished to become imitators of God as beloved children! Thus, for example, we are to forgive one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us; we are to act from our own hearts in grace, even as God acted in our salvation — seeking no motive outside of ourselves (save indeed in the God of our salvation), but finding our delight in the expression of that unspeakable grace of which we ourselves have been the subjects. It is, however, by no means intended that we should always pronounce our forgiveness to those who have sinned against us; but as to our own feelings we are ever to be in a state of forgiveness. We are never to retain inwardly the sin of a brother. However we may be sinned against, before God we are instantly to forgive; and then, as already explained, when the one who has committed the wrong, as our Lord taught Peter, comes and says, "I repent" (Luke 17), forgiveness is to be granted him. God Himself acts in this manner. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." and we, because His children, are to act on the same principle. Grace retains nothing, always forgives; but for the offender's own sake, for the glory of God indeed in the first place, it waits for the sinner's self-judgment before it openly absolves from the sin.

God's ways are to be seen in us, and all bitterness, wrath, etc., put far away. The kindness and tenderheartedness of God to us are to form our ways. He in Christ has forgiven us, the spirit of forgiveness is to reign amongst the saints. "Until seven times?" Nay, but "until seventy times seven" (Matt. 18).

But let us listen to a few of the words spoken to the Ephesian saints: and first, in a verse or two of Eph. 4. "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil‑speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender‑hearted, forgiving one another." Evidently there you have what is to guide and form the spirit of my walk with my brethren. Is that all? No. It only takes up our spirit towards one another. But we are reminded what God's way is towards us: "forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you." Then it goes on to another thing. The Lord Jesus did not merely die to put away my sin, but to give me the immense privilege of being put before God in all his acceptance and loveliness. I could not be in heaven if it were not so — if it were only that sin were put away. God cannot have anything in heaven merely negative. Mere absence of evil is not enough there. If we are to be in heaven at all, God must have us there, lovely in all the loveliness of Christ; and that, as far as the new man is concerned, He communicates to us here. Accordingly it is said to us, "Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children, and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us," etc. That is going further. A person might forgive another, but there might still be reserve remaining — a shutting oneself up in one's own little circle. Here, on the contrary, we find there is to be the energy that goes out; the love which delights in another's good. It is the activity of love going out towards the saints. "Walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us," etc.