What does it mean to be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32)?

This being so, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil-speaking be put away from you with all malice." (Ver. 31.) The very nearness into which the family of God is brought may become a snare unless there be watchfulness and a simple looking to Christ. But the Holy Ghost gives quarter to no evil feeling whatever. These are the breaches of our nearness; in the next chapter (ver. 3 and seq.) we shall find the abuses of it.

If we come to particulars, "all bitterness," I think, denotes every form of the sharp, unsparing mood which repels souls instead of winning them, and makes the most of the real or imagined faults of others. The "wrath and anger," next following, refer to the outburst of passion, and the more settled vindictive resentment, to which the indulgence of acrimony gives rise, a "clamour and evil speaking" are their respective counterparts in words: all flowing from the deep-seated fountain of "all malice," which is finally condemned in our verse. Thus, as we were warned against dishonesty in word and deed, before the allusion to the Holy Spirit's seal, so now, after it, hatred in its various parts and expressions is denounced. It is, alas, natural to the first man Adam — the same corruption and violence which brought the flood on the world of old, but, spite of God's judgment, renewed itself, and will, till Christ deal with man and Satan in person.

But, as was observed in the previous verses, bare abstinence from the mind and workings of the flesh suffices not. There is the activity of good in Christ, the second Man, and this the Spirit produces as well as demands in the Christian. Hence it is added, "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ has forgiven you." Clearly, therefore, It is a question of showing grace; and the pattern of it all is God in Christ, not in the law, holy, just and good as the commandment is. But good as the law was and is, Christ is the best of all, the genuine and only foil and perfect expression of what God is. And leaving the law to deal with the wicked (1 Tim. 1), as the apostle expressly declares is its lawful use, we who are dead with Christ are not under law but grace, which, by the power of the Spirit, strengthens us according to its own character and gives communion with Him who is its source.

Verse 31 speaks of those things which result from the nursing of bad feeling in the heart -- bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking, together with malice. These sinful attitudes and practices are to be judged unsparingly, and resolutely put away. There is no place for them among the saints of God. We must not allow ourselves the slightest excuse for the breaking out of such things, for they stem from sin, not from infirmity.

On the other hand, how precious to cultivate the contrasting virtues of verse 32. Even at a time when the feelings of a child of God are badly hurt, he has within him that blessed nature that may still be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving. Indeed, such character is thoroughly consistent for those who have known that "God in Christ" has forgiven us. It is not simply because of Christ's intercession that God has forgiven us, but rather that God is the blessed Author of the forgiving grace that has been manifested to us in the person of the Lord Jesus and in His matchless sacrifice of love. God delights to forgive as seen in the sending of His beloved Son. Let this be rightly valued and we will show similar character in that measure in which we lay hold of the grace of God to enjoy it.

To be kind, means to be good and to show goodness to others. It was the ‘kindness and love to man of our Saviour God’ that appeared in the person of Jesus Christ (Titus 3:4). It was the goodness (or, kindness — it is the same word) of God that once led us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). As imitators of God (Eph. 5:1) we should have the same attitude to our brothers and sisters. No matter whether they are in need or not, we should deal with them in a way that aims for their best interests.

Kindness is a characteristic of divine love (1 Cor. 13:4). It is gentle and charming (Prov. 19:22). ‘Bowels of compassion’ emphasise the deep inward feeling from which the action proceeds, whereas ‘kindness’ emphasises more the character and spirit of the individual carrying out the action. These qualities give confidence and build up relationships among the saints. They too strengthen the practical unity of the local assembly.

Vv. 12, 13. The first seven exhortations all set forth the different ways in which the grace of Christ is expressed. Mercy is grace to those who in some way may be dependent upon us, and are in special need. Kindness does not necessarily imply the meeting of actual need, or the conferring of benefits upon one dependent upon us. It is rather ministering to the happiness and comfort of others who may be in no special need. Lowliness has respect to oneself; meekness has reference to others. Lowliness thinks low thoughts, or no thoughts, of self; meekness gives way to others. These two excellent qualities are illustrated by the word, "In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves" (Philippians 2:3). The lowly man makes himself of no reputation; the meek man considers the qualities of others rather than his own.

Long-suffering has reference more to trying circumstances; forbearing one another refers to trying people. We rightly speak of a person showing great forbearance in the presence of provocation. This provocation may be general— something that calls for the forbearance of all. There may also be personal wrongs, which would give just cause for complaint by the one wronged. Such personal wrongs call for forgiveness. The measure of the forgiveness is to be even as Christ forgave us.

V. 14. Then we read, "To all these things add love" (N. Tn.). It is not, as in our translation, "Above all these things put on love", as if above all these qualities there is "love" as a quality apart. Love is to be added to the mercy, the kindness, and all the other qualities. All these blessed activities of the new man are to spring from love. If we show mercy, or kindness, or forbearance, or forgiveness, it should be because we love our brother. Love is "the bond of perfectness". The Apostle is speaking of the new order of man in which alone perfection can be found. In the old order, men are hateful and hating one another; in the new, all are bound together in the eternal bonds of love. One has said, "The links which are riveted in the love of Christ, and in labours for Christ, outlive the changes of time, and bind the family of God in the mansions of eternity".

Oh, thank God in the Spirit's power we can show kindness to each other. Thank God for that; kindness is a wonderful Christian virtue. It is connected with all these different features, compassion, care and concern. If we want to indicate that we are concerned about someone, that we feel for them, then our kindness goes out towards them. And, thank God, it can be done in the power of the Holy Spirit.

(Vv. 30, 31). In the first part of the chapter the exhortation to a worthy walk flows from the great truth that believers collectively are the dwelling-place of the Holy Spirit. Here we are reminded that as individuals we are sealed by the Spirit. God has marked us out as His own in view of the day of redemption by giving us the Spirit. We are to beware of grieving the Holy Spirit by allowing bitterness, the heat of passion, wrath and noisy clamour, injurious language and malice.

(V. 32). In contrast with the evil speaking and malice of the flesh, we are to be kind, tender-hearted and forgiving towards one another in the consciousness of the way God has acted towards us in forgiving us for Christ's sake.

It seems to me that what follows in Ephesians 4, bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, evil speaking and malice are all the things that come from a hard heart, and indicate a wrong attitude towards each other, something that ought not to be there at all in a Christian company. The kind of persons that you feel the Holy Spirit will support, encourage and stimulate in all the power that belongs to Him, are the ones which are "Kind to one another, tender-hearted, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you". This is the indication of a true, tender heart. It is a tremendous blessing to take account of, that the Holy Spirit indwells us, and this has been burdened upon me recently in view of these meetings. Just think of that! The Holy Spirit, a divine Person, indwells each believer. This is a distinctive blessing that belongs to the Christian era. We used to sing the children's hymn 'We would have liked to have been at the time when the Lord was upon earth to have seen His deeds of kindness and have heard His words of power', but how marvellous today that a divine Person, coequal with the Son, is here indwelling us! Oh, how important that we should not grieve Him! What a sad thing it is to grieve the Holy Spirit!

This same truth is found in more than one of the epistles. Paul, writing to the Ephesians, says, "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ hath forgiven you. Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children." (Eph. 4:32; Eph. 5:1.) It is not as in our version, "as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you," but as we have given it, "as God in Christ." For the apostle here presents God in the riches of His grace, acting, without motive, except in Himself, and needing therefore no inducement to forgiveness; but acting solely from His own heart — these forms of display being but the manifestation of what He is as seen in redemption. But he presents Him in this way as our standard, and hence he says, "Be ye imitators of God as beloved children." As in the gospels, so here, the children are desired to present in their conduct the character of God as their Father. And thereon the apostle shows us God as love, and God as light — the two words which tell out all that God is; and he says to us, "You are also to display love and light." Thus he says, "Walk in love," (v. 2); and, "walk as children of light." (v. 8.) Christ Himself is brought in as the example of love in His having loved us, and given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savour; for in this act of sacrifice He is the expression of the whole heart of God. And inasmuch as we are now light in the Lord we are to walk as children of light, and the fruit of the light (it is light, not Spirit) is in all goodness, and righteousness, and truth — in such a walk proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

We may well, in the face of such scriptures, challenge ourselves as to whether these desires of God for us are sufficiently borne in mind. The temptation to measure ourselves by one another is so great that we cannot be too frequently reminded that God Himself, according to what He is as displayed in redemption as love and light, is our standard for walk and conduct. And with what motives are we herein furnished to become imitators of God as beloved children! Thus, for example, we are to forgive one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us; we are to act from our own hearts in grace, even as God acted in our salvation — seeking no motive outside of ourselves (save indeed in the God of our salvation), but finding our delight in the expression of that unspeakable grace of which we ourselves have been the subjects. It is, however, by no means intended that we should always pronounce our forgiveness to those who have sinned against us; but as to our own feelings we are ever to be in a state of forgiveness. We are never to retain inwardly the sin of a brother. However we may be sinned against, before God we are instantly to forgive; and then, as already explained, when the one who has committed the wrong, as our Lord taught Peter, comes and says, "I repent" (Luke 17), forgiveness is to be granted him. God Himself acts in this manner. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." and we, because His children, are to act on the same principle. Grace retains nothing, always forgives; but for the offender's own sake, for the glory of God indeed in the first place, it waits for the sinner's self-judgment before it openly absolves from the sin.

As brought to God, I have learned what God is as to His ways of grace (verses 31 and 32): "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil-speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Did God come and clamour against you in justice? He sent His Son to give Himself for you, and has forgiven you. There is a man that wronged me; I am going to forgive him, as God forgave me, and (if I am near enough to God to do it) to show out what we have been learning is the joy of our souls.