What does it mean that a friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17)?

"Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbor that is near than a brother far off."

True friendship does not change. Personal feelings will often ruin a friendship when such feelings are allowed to dominate. But let us not be guilty of forsaking a friend if he should leave, at least let us not cause a separation. How precious a character is constancy, fidelity, faithfulness! In this case, while a brother spoken of here is of course a natural relative, the "friend" speaks not of natural relationship, but of another relationship willingly assumed, and therefore applicable to spiritual fellowship. Shall we dare to forsake saints whose fellowship God has given us, just because of personal feelings, irritations, jealousies? - or merely because we desire easier circumstances or more congenial fellowship? But unwavering stability will require proper self-judgment and exercise of soul: it is not natural nor mechanical.

Moreover, if calamity should befall us, wisdom does not look for comfort from a mere natural relative, "a brother far off." we all know the tendency for families to draw apart, so that in time any proper understanding between brothers is lost. This painful fact is how strong a witness that merely natural relationships are not stable, nor lasting. "A neighbor that is near" is better, - that is, of course, when one has the proper character of a neighbor. Compare Luke 10:36, 37. Certainly this is intended to teach us the nearer relationship of those who are born of God, whose comfort, help, encouragement is on a basis of faith and of true understanding; just as the Lord Jesus acknowledged no relationship but that of "these which hear the Word of God, and do it" (Luke 8:21). Of course, if a brother is also a "brother in the Lord," this makes all the difference.

Fine is the description of the friend and precious just as far as it is realized. He loves at all times; sad the blank of not having one uncapricious and constant, whatever the changes of this passing scene, nearer still of a brother born for adversity, where the strain is greatest! None fills up the sketch to perfection but our Lord Jesus, who indeed in His infiniteness went beyond what lips can utter or heart conceive.

"A friend loves at all times" (v. 17). How true this is of the Lord: whether we may be fully obedient or disobedient, His love remains the same. That love may call for Him to discipline us, "for who a father loves he chastises," and we should thank God for His gracious concern in correcting us. Also, "a brother is born for adversity," that is, the Lord gives us brothers to help when times of adversity try us.

"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (verse 17). This is beautifully illustrated in the case of David and Jonathan (1 Sam. 18--20). And the great Friend, the brother born for adversity, is the Lord Jesus Christ. He loveth at all times; His love is limitless and timeless. It is the love which passeth knowledge.

The object of that love may possibly prove himself unworthy of it. He may fail, he may stumble; he may disappoint, he may grieve; but notwithstanding Christ’s love is unchanged. It may take the form of rebuke and chastening, but is faithful to the end. When the cloud is passed the sun is seen shining in its undimmed brilliancy. Thank God for a “Friend who loves at all times,” and this we have in our precious, ever-blessed Jesus.

What a comfort it is in the midst of the trials of the way to know that we have a sympathetic High Priest! Oftentimes we may go to one another with our trials and we meet each other with a certain measure of sympathy: "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." But how incomplete is the sympathy of the dearest friend that you may have! There are experiences, there is a sense of weakness, there are needs which you are either ashamed to speak of or realize the uselessness of telling the dearest earthly friend about. How blessed it is to know that there is not an atom of experience we may have that is beneath the notice of our blessed High Priest! There is not a trial, so small that you might be ashamed to speak of it to man, that you cannot tell out in His sympathetic ear. He was tried as we are — for that is what has given Him capacity to be a merciful High Priest! He has passed through our experiences; it is not merely One who has divine knowledge of our path — God has that: "When my spirit was overwhelmed within me," says the psalmist, then Thou knewest my path." God knows the path of His people. He knew the sorrows of Israel down in Egypt; but, beloved, with our blessed Lord it is something more than divine knowledge of the sorrows and needs of His people; it is divine experience of those sorrows and needs.

We pass through trial and adversity, through a world in truth a wilderness, a place of utter dependence, in which faith feels, amid the darkness, for the strength of the everlasting arms. And here we learn, as no where else could we learn, the grace that is come down to us. We are like those that go down to the sea in ships, and that have their business in the deep waters, — men that see the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep. "A brother is born for adversity," and in adversity we learn the touch of a brother's hand; yea, "there is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother," and how blessed to realize in Him who sticks so close the very Lord of glory Himself! Not a kindly and gracious Protector merely, from His own sphere of unchanging blessedness, but One hand in hand, traveling the same road, ministering of His own cup of consolation, displaying sympathies which have been developed in the self-same path, but of sorrows voluntarily endured that He might so minister to us.

But one thing that stands out in the chapter and arrests by its attractiveness is the friendliness of our Lord and the wisdom of that friendliness. There was a circle at Bethany where He was free and at home, it was He who said, “Our friend Lazarus,” not your friend, or My friend, but “our friend.” The disciples were included in that happy circle. Where friendship is true and real there is no restraint and a friend may be better than a brother. Certainly this “Friend who loves at all times” “sticks closer than a brother.” We do not reveal our secrets to strangers, but to a friend whom we love and trust we tell our inmost thoughts and unburden our cares. The basis of friendship is confidence and love.

Everyone will agree that it is a downright good thing to have a real and true friend — one in whom you may always trust, who will stand by you at all times, and never play you false. Such a friend is well worth having.

(3) Most forcibly does the poor sufferer strike back at his unfeeling friends. It is a fundamental principle that pity should be shown to a sufferer by his friends, lest, under stress of trial — as some have rendered it — "he should forsake the fear of the Almighty." Agur therefore prayed that he might be preserved from extreme poverty, "Lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain" (Prov. 30:9). But the hard principle they were applying knew no mercy, felt no sympathy. At the time of his dire need they manifested themselves as utterly unfitted to be friends. The "brother born for adversity" they are not. These "brethren" are like a summer stream, swollen by melting snow and ice in winter, which gives promise of perennial supply for the thirsty, but when the troops of travelers come, they find only the dry stones to mock them. Yet he had asked nothing unreasonable at their hands — no money, nor rescue from the enemy, only a little sympathy.

It was indeed most disappointing. Eliphaz might speak in lofty language of the greatness and faithfulness of God, but what about himself; was he acting the part of a true friend? As thus manifested, Job might say of them, "Lover and friend past Thou put far from me." And when these failed, he could not add, "Thou art with me." How differently speaks Paul: "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me … Notwithstanding the Lord stood by me" (2 Tim. 4:16-17). Let us learn from Job's failure not to put the dearest earthly friend between us and God. "Earthly friends may fail and leave us, One day soothe, the next day grieve us, But this Friend will ne'er deceive us, Oh, how He loves!"