What does husbands love your wives as your own body mean (Ephesians 5:33)?

But again it is added, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself." (Eph. 5:28-33.) Here we are carried back, as has been remarked, to the garden of Eden, to the creation and presentation of Eve to Adam, which in itself is a manifest figure of the union between Christ and the church; and this fact accounts for the way in which the apostle weaves the two things in these exhortations. (See Gen. 2:21-25.) The union is thus looked upon as so complete — as Adam said of Eve, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh;" and again, "They shall be one flesh" — that it is said, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. In this aspect, self-love is to be the measure of a man's love to his wife; and as this is one of the instincts of our nature — and naturally its governing principle — it is impossible to conceive of a more definite and comprehensive direction. Let therefore the oneness of the union — they two shall be one flesh — be apprehended, and love will follow; for the husband will then no more consider his wife as distinct from, but as a part of himself. Thus whatever touches her, will touch him; and his self-love, moving now in a wider circle, includes her, and all that affects and concerns her, within its embrace. All that he desires for himself he will also desire for his wife; all the care he exercises for himself he will exercise for her; and all that he receives he will receive for her as well as for himself. In a word, all the good he seeks and all the evil he deprecates, he will also seek and deprecate for his wife, as for himself; for together they are "one flesh," and therefore he that loveth his wife loveth himself. The word of God provides in this way a perfect antidote against selfishness, and leads out the husband in self-sacrifice, which is the fruit of all true love, and which finds its highest exemplification in Christ, who loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.

We have said that self-love is to be the measure, in the aspect considered, of the husband's love for his wife; but it is remarkable how this also is connected with Christ, teaching us that in no human self-love, but only in the love of Christ for the church, can its true pattern and example be found. For, giving the other side, the apostle proceeds: "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord* the church." The wife therefore being "one flesh" with him, he must nourish and cherish her, even as Christ the church. What heights and depths are contained in this comparison! showing indeed that the debt of love is never paid, but always owed. And yet that love delights to recognise it, and to be ever paying it, in lavishing care and tenderness upon her who has thus become one with him in the view of God.

(Vv. 28, 29). Having presented so blessedly the truth of Christ and the church, the Apostle returns to his practical exhortations. Men ought to love their wives as their own bodies, for so truly are they one that the husband can look at his wife as himself. As such, the man will delight to nourish his wife, meeting her every need, and cherish her as one that is very precious. Again the Apostle presents Christ, and His care for the church, as the perfect pattern for the husband's care for his wife. Not only has Christ died for us in the past, and is dealing with us in the present in view of eternity, but as we pass along our way, He watches over and cares for us, treating us as Himself. Because “we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones”, He could say to Saul of Tarsus, in the days when he was breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the saints, “Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou Me?” One has truly said, “A man's flesh is himself, and Christ takes care of Himself in taking care of the church.” Again, “Christ never fails, and there cannot be a want in Christ's church without there being an answer to it in Christ's heart.”

The Spirit applies it, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself." He is now taking up the common instinct that men naturally avoid pain and take care of themselves. He is speaking only of the fact, and says, Look upon your wife as a part of yourself; and that anything that would wrong her is so much wrong done to your own body. It would teach you affectionate care, "for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:" a beautiful and sweet addition to the truth that was already brought out. All the rest had shown redemption, the present practical cleansing, the future glorification of the Church. But now he adds, that Christ "nourishes and cherishes it." There is the special entrance of His mind, His careful interest in those that belong to Him. It is a great comfort that we know this to be true in the present state of the Church, when we think of the ruin of all around. Does Christ ever cease to nourish that which belongs to Him? Impossible. Spite of all the ruin, He has the same care for His people. We never can pray too much for the Church; but it is another thing to be troubling our minds as if the Lord forgot her, and were not taking adequate care of the saints in their need and sorrow. The Lord has never failed; and what He here tells us to do in our earthly relationship is no more than what He perfectly does towards His Church. He loves the Church; He nourishes and cherishes it, and He does this because "we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones." Just as Eve was a part of Adam, so the Church is of Christ. The Lord took out of Adam's side that which He built into his wife. So we stand in this nearness of relationship to Christ.

As Eve was of Adam's body before she became his wife, so the wife is entitled to the husband's love just as he loves his own body, for the bond of marriage makes them one. In loving her, he loves himself. Never has man hated his own flesh: the law of self-preservation is predominant in mankind. One does not willingly starve himself to death. Rather, he nourishes his body and cares for its needs. These two things nourishing and cherishing -- are not included in the Lord's counsels (vs.25-27), but are rather His ways with His Church. The care involved in cherishing is both tender and supportive.

In this very practical portion of the Epistle to the Ephesians the Apostle is exhorting us as to the conduct that becomes believers in the marriage relationship. In so doing he shows the intimate character of the relationship. There are other relations in life, as parents and children, and brothers and sisters, but in no relationship is the link so close as in that of husband and wife. The Apostle says, "they two shall be one flesh:" again he says, "so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies." They are viewed as one; hence the Apostle argues, for a man to hate his wife would be to hate his own flesh, an unheard-of thing. On the other hand to love his wife is to love himself.

What an incentive all this is for the husband to love his wife; but there are further instructions, he is to love his wife as his own body, for the man who loves his wife loves himself. No man in his right mind ill-treats his body, but rather feeds and cares for it. Christ likewise nourishes the church with the richest supply of food from heaven, and cherishes it with His own perfect love, for we are united to Him, being members of His body, having come from Him. Eve was derived from Adam before she was united to him; and because of this a man is to leave father and mother and to be joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh. With the light of this chapter how wonderfully beautiful is God's presentation of the relationship of Adam and Eve; and what wisdom is displayed in secreting so early in the history of man His thoughts of Christ and the church. Adam and Eve though first upon the scene, set forth God's original thoughts, conceived in relation to His counsels before the world began. Though exulting in these great revelations we are not to forget that the husband is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to reverentially fear her husband. Here lies the true secret of matrimonial happiness, and it is because these Scriptural exhortations are not heeded that so much sorrow and distress are found in the homes of many.

But Christ's love for the Church is not only shown by His cleansing her, but by His nourishing and cherishing her. And it is this part of His loving care in particular, which the Spirit of God here impresses upon the Christian husband's heart and conscience. If Christ's love, in cleansing the Church, has been set here before the Christian husband, it is not, that he should set to work and do the same with his wife, but that he may, in a general way, learn of our loving Head in glory to manifest his love towards his wife in his tender solicitude for her, as to everything that concerns her welfare. And why? Because "he that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh: but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as Christ the Church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones." Therefore those words: "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies," refer to that which follows (in verse 29), rather than to what precedes in verses 26 and 27. There are not a few who show great willingness (I do not say expertness) for washing their wives' feet, but let them starve at the same time. If you do not know how to nourish and cherish, your wife, as your own body, you are not fit to wash her feet.

But is the husband, then, to shut his eyes, if he sees something wrong in his wife? Is love to blindfold him, as a natural man's love so often does? Certainly not. The love of the unconverted idolatrous heart may blind the eyes to the failures of its object, but true Christian love does not. On the contrary, the eye of such true love perceives quicker than would a stranger's eye, anything wrong in the beloved one, just as your eye would discern every spot upon a precious vessel, for which you have paid a high price, and which you prize very much. Your hand would at once be ready, with the tenderest care to remove and wipe off the spot, in order that you may present it to your eye, to feast upon it in its unblemished purity and beauty. This it is that Christ does for the Church, His Body. It is the very opposite of a lynx-eyed spirit of fault-finding; it is the spirit of true love, which desires to find no fault, and therefore tenderly and carefully tries to remove anything that is faulty. But I can only repeat what I have expressed already, that when the Spirit of God in our chapter enjoins the husbands to love their wives as their own bodies, adding that "he that loveth his wife loveth himself," He expressly connects this injunction with the nourishing and cherishing her, "even as Christ the Church," and not with the cleansing. There is always the strictest wisdom and propriety in the Word of God, as in everything that is divine.

Verses 28, 29. "So ought men to love their wives," etc. It is interesting to observe the way in which the Apostle is led by the Spirit to unfold this great doctrine of the special love of Christ, by interweaving with it the practical exhortation to the Christian husband. The last verse has set the Church in the full results of the grace of Him who has redeemed her for Himself. That He has loved (egapese, verse 25) her, is shown by what He has suffered for her sake. That He does love her with a gracious kindness which is never to be wearied, is evinced abundantly by the watchful mercy which now waits upon her steps, as she moves slowly, and often painfully, through the present wilderness, towards His rest. It is this present manifestation of His love which is now regarded, and which is set before the married Christian as the pattern of His kindness towards his wife. He is to look on her, not as his own only, but as himself. She is as his body; and no man ever yet hated his own flesh. But that which is a needed exhortation to men is a fulfilled truth in the mystery of Christ. Men are conscious of their love to their own flesh; and according to the quickness of this natural instinct, they are to estimate the present love of Jesus to the Church. Instead, therefore, of being divided against themselves, they are charged to nourish and cherish that which is their own flesh, even as the Lord the Church. For He also has His gracious instincts, which He willingly obeys. And if He nourishes His mystic spouse, it is upon Himself that she is fed. His very flesh and blood are, to the believing soul, the daily nourishment by which it is preserved alive. By the gracious operation of the Comforter, He cherishes the feeble vessel of His grace.

But, secondly, the husband's love should be manifested by a continual care for the well-being of his wife. This pleasant duty is impressed upon him by the present service of the love of Christ in sanctifying and cleansing the church with the washing of water by the word (ver. 26). Whatever the behaviour of the church towards her Lord, Christ is faithful and unremitting in the activities of His love that she may be purified from everything that is inconsistent with her new status as His chosen bride and the sharer of His coming glories.

Guided by the lofty standard of Christ's concern for His church, the husband studies to promote the welfare of his wife, as his own body (ver. 28). He helps her, first of all in her spiritual life, in the exercises of worship and prayer and service in the home. He lightens her labours in household affairs, shoulders her burdens of family responsibility, shields her from anxieties and fears, comforts her in hours of sorrow, and ministers help to her weakness without telling her so. Neither will he forget to note her acts of devotion to himself in response to his love, nor to praise her many excellences, as the scripture enjoins (Prov. 31:28-29) if he should be so negligent as to need this injunction.

But are we not in danger of forgetting the practical application of all this to our present walk on the earth amid the stern realities of actual life day by day? Are not husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants, earthly relationships? Unquestionably. True, they are formed upon a heavenly model and to be carried out after a heavenly pattern, as they also rest upon a heavenly base. Still they are relationships in nature, formed on the earth and to be carried out in daily life. There will be no such relationships in heaven. They do not belong to the resurrection-state. They belong to nature, to earth, to our time-condition, and we are called to walk in them as Christian men, women and children, and to glorify God by our spirit and temper and manner, our whole deportment therein, from hour to hour and day to day.

Thus, for example, of what use is it for a man to speak of lofty theories respecting the heavenly relationship of Christ and the Church while he fails every day of his life in his earthly relationship as a husband? His wife is neglected. She may be treated coldly or harshly. She is not nourished, cherished, sustained and ministered to according to the heavenly model of Christ and His Church.