What did Jesus mean when He instructed us to hate our father and mother (Luke 14:26)?

On the Lord's departure great multitudes go with Him, to whom He turns with the words, "If any man come to me, and shall not hate377 his own father, and mother, and wife and children, and brothers and sisters; yea and his own life too, he cannot be my disciple." They might have thought that at any rate they would treat the Lord better than His message — so little does man know of himself. The Lord would not permit that the multitude then following Him should flatter themselves that they at least were willing to partake of the supper, that they were incapable of treating God with the contempt described in the parable. So the Lord tells them what following Himself involves. The disciple must follow Christ so simply and decidedly that it would seem to other eyes a complete neglect of natural ties, and an indifference to the nearest and strongest claims of kin. Not that the Lord calls for want of affection; but so it might and must look to those who are left behind in His name. The attractive power of grace must be greater than all natural fetters, or any other claims of whatsoever kind, over him who would be His disciple. And more than this: it is a question of carrying one's cross and going after Him. "Whoever does not carry his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." It is not enough to come to Him at first, but we must follow Him day by day. Whoever does not this cannot be His disciple. Thus in verse 26 we see the forsaking of all for Christ, and in verse 27 the following Christ with pain and suffering and going on in it.377a

377 Luke 14:26 f. — It is the first of our Gospels, observe, that softens the language here ("hate"). The word μισεῖν means to renounce the claims or influence of the person or thing concerned (Hahn). Paley, on John 15:23, "to be indifferent to." Cf. Matt. 10:37, "He that loveth father or mother more than Me."

It would probably not be difficult to furnish other examples of merely relative force in Biblical statements, which, taken with the proper safeguards, convey important and undeniable truth. The Lord Jesus told His disciples on one occasion that, if a man did not hate his father and mother, he could not be His disciple. None of course but a very literal mind (such are generally the most inaccurate) would be stumbled by this. To be "without natural affection" (2 Tim. 3:3) is one of the signs that characterise the difficult times of the last days. We know that "hate" is simply used in a forcible, as some say oriental, way to press home the fact that Christ must and will have supreme place in the renewed heart. And so with several other statements, on which it is unnecessary now to dwell. There are many dangers to beware of in interpreting scripture, but perhaps a bald literalness of mind is not the least. R. B.

We "hate …" not absolutely, but in a comparative sense, of course. Our love to Christ should so transcend the natural love we bear to our relations that the latter appears as hate when compared with the former. (Luke 9:59-60 gives an illustrative case).

We "forsake …" i.e., the affections are severed from our possessions; they are no longer ours, but our Master's, to be held for Him. It may mean parting with everything, as in the case of the early Christians, or, like Levi, we may leave all and yet still have. Levi's house was still "his own," and his money was used to make a great feast for Christ and draw sinners to Him (Luke 5:27-29). A very good example for some of us!

Some have given up father and mother for the sake of worldly advantage; others to gain the applause of quasi-religious men, which is but another phase of the same world. There is only one case in which the Lord shows the necessity of forsaking father and mother, and that is when the child is commanded to forsake Christ; in every other it is sin against Him who said of old, "Honour thy father and thy mother," and also by the apostle, "Children, obey your parents." When father or mother, yea, or wife or life, comes in competition with Christ, then all must be "hated" the disciple must bear the cross and follow Him. If any of these stand in the way of confessing Christ as Saviour, it is better to be driven from home and disowned by parents, than to be Christless.

When Christ was here, the world was against Him. A few were gathered to Him in true-hearted love. Great multitudes were attracted by His gracious words; they would be disciples, but had not counted the cost; they had not reckoned on the opposing forces of nature and the world. It was only natural feeling which moved them: how could they oppose nature? What a proof this necessity of denying nature affords of the havoc sin has made with the affections implanted by the Creator, and therefore excellent as given by God, that when it is a question of following Christ, the affections are all found perverted and become hindrances, insomuch that the Lord says the dearest objects must be hated. "Hate" in this scripture is not to be understood in its common acceptation of intense dislike; the true disciple does not at all dislike his unconverted relatives, but he seeks their blessing. He may be intensely disliked by them, for he cannot join in their worldly pleasures, and his joys are beyond their apprehension. They are outside and opposed to all that he loves and follows. Hence to the world he has the appearance of hating them. This is a trial to the disciple who longs to see them brought to God, but he will not cease to follow Christ. The separation on the disciples' part and the hatred on the world's part had a very acute form when the Lord was here. To break away from every thing, to be in open separation from all that had hitherto been accounted of God and highly esteemed, and as a consequence to be scorned by the religious of that day, was what the disciples of Christ had then to endure.

In the supper we have seen the grace of God freely offered and commended to everyone, but discipleship costs something. While grace is altogether without charge and saves souls eternally, yet grace produces such effects as to make one willing to sacrifice his own comfort for the Lord's sake. This is discipleship. At a time when great crowds followed him, the Lord strongly admonished them. Some were attracted to Him for selfish reasons, who knew nothing of His grace in their hearts and consequently and were not prepared to respond to that grace. But if one was to really be His disciple, he must "hate" his father, mother, wife, children, brothers and sisters, and in fact his own life also. If this seems a stern, startling declaration, it is because of its real importance, once properly understood.

The hate here is not the vindictive hatred of 1John 4:20, for in that case one's hatred of his brother proved him to be a liar when he claimed to love God. But every other relationship must give way to the disciple's devotion to Christ. Christ must be first, or one is not a true disciple. One must bear his cross, virtually putting himself under the violent death of crucifixion, in honest self-judgment; that is, identifying himself willingly with Christ crucified. Other relationships will be rightly regarded and maintained only if the heart is undivided in true devotion to Him. For instance, an unbelieving father may accuse his son of hating him because the son is purposed to follow the Lord Jesus and refuses to worship his father's idols. If the world thinks this of us, then we just submit to their hostile thoughts, not showing love to their idols.

After speaking of the rich grace of God that prepared the "great supper," the Lord Jesus turned and said to the multitudes, "if any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26). This is not the old nature hating, but the divine nature in the believer hating in ourselves, or in those nearest and dearest to us, anything that would hinder us from following the Lord or carrying out His will. The divine nature that loves is the nature that hates, even as it is written concerning our Master, "Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity" (Heb. 1:9).

The mention of father and mother, brother and sister points us to the closeness of our family relationships. God naturally intended this to be so and He has given us these emotional bonds. What we learn here is not, of course, that there should be no love in the families of believers who wish to live for the Lord. It is rather a matter of showing that there may be situations in which a conflict arises between the will of our God and the claims of our relatives. In such situations we should consciously give priority to God’s will. For those whom God has given the privilege of having believing relatives, such conflicts will be less common. In the case of unbelieving relatives, on the other hand, there will be no lack of examples (e.g. celebrations or functions in which we cannot participate without being defiled).

The Lord also calls us, saying ‘Follow me!’ (Luke 9:59). If we have not set our priorities correctly and give father or mother, brother or sister (and we can surely add: friend) priority over the will of God, then we resemble the one who said, ‘Lord, allow me to go first and bury my father’. The answer he received was: ‘Suffer the dead to bury their own dead, but do thou go and announce the kingdom of God’ (Luke 9:59, 60). The Lord wants us to take account of our family relationships, but He wishes to be given first place as His entitlement. ‘He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me’ (Mt. 10:37 KJV). The pressure of circumstances should not be allowed to prevail over our consecration to God.

As to relationships, it is all nonsense: I may be called out, as Christ Himself was but, save that calling, He was subject to, and afterwards lovingly owned, His mother. If a person is not called out, or giving up all for Christ, there is no question that these relationships are clear duties, and so treated everywhere in the New Testament. If they come into competition with Christ, everything gives way to Him.

Let us answer these questions by turning to Luke 14 and reading the paragraph, Luke 14:25-35. The same thoughts re-appear here: "IF any man come to Me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot by My disciple." Those four closing words are thrice repeated (vv. 26, 27, and 33). Not, mark you, "he cannot be saved," but "he cannot be My DISCIPLE."

Now of all the four, Luke's Gospel is the one which emphasizes grace. Indeed in Luke 14 the very paragraph which precedes the one referred to contains the parable of the "great supper" (Luke 14:15-24), which is a marvellous unfolding of the grace of God. Is it not worthy of note, then, that, having unfolded divine grace in such a way as to bring great multitudes about Him eager to hear, the Lord turns round upon them and tests their reality by proposing to them the terms of discipleship; and shall we not do well, while observing the distinction between them, to keep them together in the order in which He put them?