What are the roles of the husband and wife in a family?

Particular relationships are considered from verse 22 to chapter 6:9. Wives are first addressed, for they are to specially manifest the lovely spirit of submission, as being subject to their own husbands. In so submitting they are submitting to the Lord, which makes submission an attitude of loving obedience to Him, rather than an irksome responsibility. It is God who tells the wife to submit, not the husband, who should pay more attention to what God tells him than to what God tells his wife.

God's order in creation made the husband to be head of the wife. This does not mean he is superior to the wife, but as the head he is responsible to supply the nourishment, guidance and encouragement the wife needs. Though the wife may make suggestions and express concerns that should be considered, yet the husband is responsible to make final decisions. This reference to headship leads the apostle immediately to speak of the marvelous relationship of Christ as the Head of the Church, of which Adam and Eve's marriage is a divinely intended picture. Not only is Christ the Head of the Church, the source of its nourishment and guidance, but He is the Savior of the body. His preserving, protecting salvation is a daily need of His body, the Church, just as a husband is not only head of his wife, but her protector also.

The apostle begins with this here, with wives and husbands. The wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands as to the Lord. The authority of the Lord is concerned in it, and the way in which He has taken these things up is to be reverently observed also. The husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the Head of the assembly. The very shadows of such things must be dear to us. If it were but a picture only, how could we abuse such a picture of His love to us? We are reminded here at once, "He is the Saviour of the body," His is not a place of authority merely. The authority itself is that which we yield to with delight, as realizing the title that He has to it. So, says the apostle, follow the pattern, "Even as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." That, of course, could not possibly be meant to limit the higher authority of Christ Himself or of the Father. If there comes to be a question there, if these two are in manifest contradiction to one another, we must obey God and not man. Upon wives, submission to their husbands is enjoined. The husbands are never pressed to keep their wives in subjection. The duty pressed upon them is to love their wives, but here, again, the same measure is put before us; it is to be "as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify it and cleanse it with washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing." That, it is plain, carries us back to the beginning, only it was God that presented Eve to Adam and not Adam that presented her to himself. Christ transcends all types, and therefore it is fit and right that this should be manifest to us here. He is going to present the Church to Himself. He is diligently perfecting it according to His own mind, that He may be able to do

In the 5th chapter of Ephesians, we find that the model, the example, is set before us of marriage; in Ephesians 5:22, we read, "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord." It is often commented upon that it does not say, "Wives obey your husbands" as though they were children or servants. In Ephesians 6 you have "Children obey your parents" that is a question of authority, and rightly so; and then in the 5th chapter, "Servants be obedient to your masters" comes in again; but with the wives — "Submit yourselves unto your own husbands." In this chapter the husband is looked at as being the representative of the fulness and authority of God for his wife; all that Christ is to the church the husband should be to the wife. We are obliged to think of these things in a somewhat abstract way, for what husband is there amongst us but must feel how far he comes short of it. But the wife is to submit herself to her own husband as unto the Lord, finding in the husband the one who directs and leads. It is not a question of obeying exactly, but the husband regards the wife as given to him of God to be his helpmeet in the partnership; and that loving her as Christ loves the Assembly he may be the supplier of all that the wife needs; giving guidance, direction and help, in every matter; the wife meanwhile submitting herself unto her husband as unto the Lord.

The family is especially dealt with in the epistles which treat of the Church. Those epistles which take up Church order and rule take up also the order and rule of the family; and those epistles which show the Church as the body of Christ, show also how this relationship, and the principles it involves, affect the family life. Family relationships were instituted by God in Eden, and confirmed after the fall. Christianity does not change their outward character, but infuses into them new and divine principles. The husband is the responsible head of the house, and the mutual obligation subsisting between him and his wife, his children, and his servants, is the subject of the portion now before us. The question is not one of rights on either side, but rather of the way in which each, as having the life of Christ, should exhibit this in his conduct towards the other.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the Church: and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (v. 22-24.) Part of the curse pronounced on the woman at the fall was, "Thy desire shall be [subject] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.'' (Gen. 3:16.) Christianity confirms this order, but so remodels it that all trace of the curse disappears.

The subjection of the believer to the Lord, or of the Church to Christ, is no curse or bondage, and these are now the models of wifely subjection; for she is to be subject unto her own husband, "as unto the Lord," and as "the Church is subject unto Christ." How beautiful to see a human relationship, and one too which derives a part of its character from the fall, thus transformed into a type of the mystery in which God displays His "manifold wisdom" unto "the principalities and powers in heavenly places."

The family is especially dealt with in the epistles which treat of the Church. Those epistles which take up Church order and rule take up also the order and rule of the family; and those epistles which show the Church as the body of Christ, show also how this relationship, and the principles it involves, affect the family life. Family relationships were instituted by God in Eden, and confirmed after the fall. Christianity does not change their outward character, but infuses into them new and divine principles. The husband is the responsible head of the house, and the mutual obligation subsisting between him and his wife, his children, and his servants, is the subject of the portion now before us. The question is not one of rights on either side, but rather of the way in which each, as having the life of Christ, should exhibit this in his conduct towards the other.

The family is especially dealt with in the epistles which treat of the Church. Those epistles which take up Church order and rule take up also the order and rule of the family; and those epistles which show the Church as the body of Christ, show also how this relationship, and the principles it involves, affect the family life. Family relationships were instituted by God in Eden, and confirmed after the fall. Christianity does not change their outward character, but infuses into them new and divine principles. The husband is the responsible head of the house, and the mutual obligation subsisting between him and his wife, his children, and his servants, is the subject of the portion now before us. The question is not one of rights on either side, but rather of the way in which each, as having the life of Christ, should exhibit this in his conduct towards the other.

(Vv. 22-25). Christian wives are exhorted to submit to their husbands in everything and Christian husbands are exhorted to love their wives. Special exhortations always have in view the particular quality in which the individual addressed is likely to fail. The woman is liable to break down in submission, and is therefore reminded that the husband is the head of the wife, and that her place is to be subject. The man is more prone than the woman to fail in affection; therefore husbands are exhorted to love their wives.

Moreover, God's arrangements are never lop-sided. If there is a word of instruction and guidance for those who have the subject place, there is equally a word for those who take the lead. In each case the Spirit of God puts His finger upon the weak spot. The husband is exhorted to love. Mere natural love can easily turn to bitterness, but this can never happen when his love is a reflection of the divine. If the husband is marked by love the wife has no difficulty in being subject.

Ephesians 5 has told us, "Husbands, love your wives." Colossians 3:19 ads: "and be not bitter against them." Love ought only to increase as the years pass, not because of the worthiness of the object, but because of communion with God. The tenderness of proper care, forbearance, understanding, concern for the purest blessing of the wife, should characterize the husband consistently. Let each Christian husband challenge himself whether this is so, and if not, make no excuse, but obey the Word of God.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord" (Eph. 5:22). This is the Divine order. The husband is the head of the wife, and while she is free to make suggestions for consideration of her husband, yet in matters of importance he is to make the final decisions. He is wise if he leaves to her the many minor decisions of homemaking, and to act with due consideration of her preferences also. But it is her very glory to know how to submit with gentle grace and cheerfulness, even if her wishes are not followed.

In marriage too, an individual loses his own identity and both become a new person: "And they twain shall be one flesh: so that they are no more twain but one flesh." (Matthew 10 v 8) If we take Christ as our pattern we should give our love to our partner, wanting only their love in return. (He loved us and gave Himself for us. Ephesians 5 v 25) and as this is displayed love will grow.

The husband has the rôle of responsibility as head and the wife the subject position. This is God's order to which we must be prepared to submit if we wish His blessing Ephesians 5 v 22 and 23 "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husband, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife."