Is missionary dating a good idea? Can God use it?

There are certain things we do not need to pray about. If a young man sets his affections on an unbelieving young woman there is no need to ask the Lord if it is His will that the marriage partnership should be contracted. The Scriptures plainly forbid it. “Only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39), is the plain injunction of Scripture. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14), is equally clear and emphatic.

In such a serious matter the Lord would not draw out the affections of a believer to an unbeliever.

Young Christians may well be warned not to marry unconverted partners. It is expressly forbidden in Scripture. What sort of Christianity can a young man or woman have to take for partner one who does not share his or her faith in the Saviour? “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).

The Scripture is clear that it is quite wrong for a Christian to marry an unbeliever:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." 2 Corinthians 6 v 14 - and of course this must apply to courtship as well. We may think we can bring good out of our wrong action, but let us not be deceived, this has been the downfall of many young and older Christians. If all we are looking for is the physical and natural aspects of marriage we may be misguided into thinking that a non-Christian can provide this. Remember there is no true happiness and joy without Christ being the centre and He cannot bless us if we are disobedient. (This does not, of course, disallow His grace and forgiveness with us), but remember marriage is for life and a wrong step taken here is taken for life.

Above all, in the companionship of husband and wife, a Christian man or woman should always choose a Christian partner, and on no account marry an unbeliever. Scripture speaks of marriage as being at our will, but adds for the Christian, “only in the Lord,” and 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us against the unequal yoke. Samson’s case with Delilah is a warning indeed.

How are we to behave towards our unsaved relatives? Does not the Apostle Peter speak of the unconverted husband being won without the Word by the Christian deportment of his wife?

"M. A. C." 2 Corinthians 6:14 is perfectly conclusive as to your case. We believe it to be a grievous sin for a Christian to marry an unconverted person; and we have known cases where persons having acted in wilful disobedience in this solemn matter were called to reap the most bitter fruit during the whole of their after life. We recently heard of an instance of a Christian girl, who, in the face of earnest advice and remonstrance persisted in marrying an unconverted man. What followed? They had not been long married when her husband reproached her for her inconsistency. Nor was this all. They had two children, who proved to be idiots, and kept up in the poor mother's ear the constant heartbreaking wail of idiocy. In short, her married life was one of untold anguish and misery. We believe her soul was restored, but she was made to feel the solemn force of those words, "Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap." Oh! dear friend, let nothing induce you to enter the marriage yoke with an unconverted person. Let not the devil cast dust in your eyes, and let not your own heart deceive you by the vain hope of doing your partner good. It is a deadly delusion. You will do him no good; but you will do yourself incalculable mischief; and, what is much worse, you will disobey and dishonour your Lord. How can you possibly expect to be the means of leading a soul into the way of truth, that very way which you yourself have deliberately abandoned in order to gain your own end, and gratify your natural affections? We feel bound, in faithfulness to the Lord and to you, to warn you, in the most solemn manner, not to proceed further in this matter, but, in the fear of God, break off this connection altogether. May God give you grace so to do.

'Well', he said, 'you are doing the wrong thing, you ought not to be praying about it you ought to be obeying God's word. God's word says expressly that you should not be united to someone who is unconverted, because that is an unequal yoke (2 Cor.6:14). You are considering doing something that God expressly forbids. What do you want? Do you want God to change His mind? Do you want to pray to Him, until He says to you, 'It is all right for you to marry an unconverted person', when He says plainly in His word, 'If any Christian is to marry it is to be only in the Lord''?

The situation of being without a partner can be painful, and the experience of loneliness can become overwhelming. At such times marriage to an unbeliever can seem like a solution, but that is not the case! Scripture condemns this ‘unequal yoke’ as sin. Do you really think such a relationship will satisfy your deepest longings? Even if your partner is exemplary on the human level and ‘lets you follow your faith’ it will very likely be the case that you will worship alone and read your Bible alone. You will not be able to talk with your partner about the most important things in life. And think of the coming of the Lord, the rapture — you will go to heaven alone! Your partner will be on their way to another destination — an unbearable thought. Yes, God in His grace can save your husband or wife. But there is no promise this will be so when we are disobedient.

It is not possible to have this assurance if a believer desires to marry an unbeliever; for if one will not trust the Lord, how can he himself be trusted? This can never be God's leading, for God's Word has spoken clearly: "Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Cor 6:14).

May we also warn the young believer against being too free in his friendships with the opposite sex. Undue familiarity may easily lead to indiscreet behaviour, and to an unbalanced view of things, so that the heart is deceived to such an extent that a marriage is contracted that issues in painful regrets. While these things are perhaps negative, they are deeply important to consider. But we proceed to the most important necessity of

Where there is a real affection which acknowledges God and all the relations in which He has placed us with Himself, it is absolutely impossible that a Christian should allow himself to marry a worldly person, without violating all his obligations towards God and towards Christ. If a child of God allies himself to an unbeliever, it is evident that he leaves Christ out of the question, and that he does so voluntarily in the most important event of his life. It is just at such a moment that he ought to have the most intimate communion of thought, affection, and interest with Christ; and He is totally excluded! The believer is yoked with an unbeliever. He has chosen to live without Christ; he has deliberately preferred to do his own will and to exclude Christ rather than give up his will in order to enjoy Christ and His approbation. He has given his heart to another, abandoning Christ and refusing to listen to Him. The more affection there is, the more the heart is attached, the more openly has something been preferred to Christ. What a fearful decision! to settle to spend one's life thus, choosing for a companion an enemy of the Lord's. The influence of such a union is necessarily to draw the Christian back into the world. He has already chosen to accept that which is of the world as the most beloved object of his heart; and only things of the world please those who are of the world, although their fruit is death; Rom. 6:21-23. "The world passeth away and the lust thereof; but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." What a dreadful position! Either to fail in faithfulness to Christ, or to have constantly to resist just where the tenderest affection ought to have established perfect unity. The fact is, that unless the sovereign grace of God comes in, the Christian man or woman always yields and enters little by little upon a worldly walk. Nothing is more natural. The worldly man has only his worldly desires. The Christian, besides his Christianity, has the flesh; and further, he has already abandoned his Christian principles in order to please his flesh, by uniting himself to one who does not know the Lord. The result of such an alliance is that he has not a thought in common on the subject which ought to be the most precious to his heart, with the person dearest to him in the world, and who is like a part of himself. They will have nothing but quarrels: as it is written, "How can two walk together except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3. If not, they must first yield to worldliness and then take pleasure in it; but this sad result is lost sight of when they first place themselves in the position which renders it inevitable. The Christian is drawn away little by little; he is not in communion with his Saviour, and he can find pleasure in the society of a person who is agreeable to him without thinking of Jesus. When he is alone, he does not think of praying; and when he is with the one whom he loves, though his conscience or his Christian friends may warn him, he has no strength, and Christ has not sufficient power over his heart, to lead him to turn from his way and give up an affection which he knows to be disapproved of by the Lord. He binds himself more or less by other motives, such as a feeling of honour - sometimes alas! by more detestable motives, such as pecuniary interest - and he sacrifices his conscience, his Saviour, his own soul, as far as it depends upon him, and, at all events, the glory of God. That which at first was nothing more than a fancy has become unrestrained will.

As we read Paul's first epistle to the Corinthians, we might marvel at the number and variety of the disorders he had to refer to, and utter rebuke. What was the underlying cause? We believe this is reached in his second epistle, 2 Cor. 6:11-18. At this point the Apostle's heart was enlarged and his mouth opened to indicate with plainness the weak spot. It was the way in which they had accepted the 'unequal', or 'diverse', yoke with unbelievers. The believer, born of God, has a nature which the unbeliever does not possess. At the same time he has within him the flesh, the old nature, which the unbeliever possesses. Hence if the diverse yoke be accepted, the believer is almost certain to be pulled in the direction of the world, and adopt some, if not many, of its ways. So let us today watch our ways, in the light of this plain New Testament scripture, lest we are guilty of a sin, which is similar to that which troubled Nehemiah in his day.