Is it wrong to have a crush on someone?

"Desire" and "lust" are really the same word, as may be seen from many passages. For example, the word translated "lust" in the above scripture is the same as that in Phil. 1:23 (and a number of other places), where it could only be rendered "desire." It is the thing longed for that characterises the nature of the feeling cherished. If the object of the craving is good, according to God, then it is a holy desire. Thus the Lord Himself uses the word in question when He says to His disciples, "With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer." (Luke 22:15.) When the object, on the other hand, is evil, then the desire for it is "lust." Hence the apostle employs the word when he speaks of the "lusts of our flesh." (Ephesians 2:3.) There is consequently an important distinction to be noted. "Lust," as James teaches, has its origin in ourselves (chapter 1:14), but holy "desire" is the fruit of the action of the Spirit of God in the believer.

The term 'falling in love' is often used when a couple start to be friendly; this can be superficial, and we should be wary of this concept as it gives the idea of uncontrolled emotion. This could easily be lead by our old nature in a mere infatuation simply because of physical attraction, because of being continually in their company or even because of undue pressure from others. Some like to act as match makers encouraging couples who they think are suitable for each other. This is a dangerous game and has had many sad results.

The love of the marriage relationship, is an act of will under the guidance of our Master. An intelligent and permanent decision, which is taken in mature consideration of the issues involved and which will endure through every pressure and circumstance which might otherwise cause a couple to 'fall out of love'. The Lord has decreed that marriage is for life and if we want the Lord’s blessing we must follow his instructions. It is the lie of the devil that we can be happy with someone else. We must reject his subtle whispers.

Some of us were speaking about the Sermon on the Mount as found in Matthew 5-7. We noticed how the Lord puts His hand on the desires of the heart. It is not sufficient to have strength not to commit the sins of the flesh, but the desire of the heart, as the flesh works, must not be encouraged. Though shame would forbid the outward acts of the flesh, yet if carnal desires are cherished in any way, then the Lord looks upon that as gravely as if the act were committed.

For that reason the Lord now says, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (v. 28). Because of the teaching of the scribes and Pharisees, the Jews thought the mere outward observance of the law was the way to be justified before God. Here, the Lord points to the human heart and shows that adultery has its source there. This is not a “spiritualisation of the law,” as is sometimes said. He reveals for the first time something which had to become clear by experience to every honest Israelite, namely, that everyone who endeavoured to keep the commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” had within themselves those very lusts which led to the actions forbidden by God, and had not the strength to overcome them. The lusts were even provoked by the commandment: “ … for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet” (Rom. 7:7-11).

For that reason the Lord now says, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (v. 28). Because of the teaching of the scribes and Pharisees, the Jews thought the mere outward observance of the law was the way to be justified before God. Here, the Lord points to the human heart and shows that adultery has its source there. This is not a "spiritualisation of the law," as is sometimes said. He reveals for the first time something which had to become clear by experience to every honest Israelite, namely, that everyone who endeavoured to keep the commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," had within themselves those very lusts which led to the actions forbidden by God, and had not the strength to overcome them. The lusts were even provoked by the commandment: "... for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet" (Rom. 7: 7-11).

The Lord Jesus now explains that before God it is not just the accomplished act that is sin, but the looking with lust on a woman, for this is adultery in the heart. The word “adultery” shows that either the man or both are married. Nevertheless, no unmarried believer should think that these words of the Lord have nothing to say to him.

The Lord is not speaking here about accidental, unintentional looks which can hardly be avoided, but about the conscious covetous looking: “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her … ” The intentional look is therefore preceded by the sinful thought in the heart.

Adultery in the heart

The Lord Jesus now explains that before God it is not just the accomplished act that is sin, but the looking with lust on a woman, for this is adultery in the heart. The word "adultery" shows that either the man or both are married. Nevertheless, no unmarried believer should think that these words of the Lord have nothing to say to him.

The Lord is not speaking here about accidental, unintentional looks which can hardly be avoided, but about the conscious covetous looking: "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her..." The intentional look is therefore preceded by the sinful thought in the heart.

As violence then was judged and excluded in any shape for the disciples, so was impurity. The avoidance of the extreme act might satisfy a Pharisee or Scribe; but the Lord could not dispense with anything short of truth in the inward parts. To look at a woman lustfully was to commit adultery with her already in his heart; and it is not the outside only that God regards but the heart above all. It is only a new nature that delights in holiness; and he who has it by grace answers to the will of God his Father; and abhors himself if he slip even into a wrong look, as unworthy of his calling and hateful to Him who loves him.

There will also be the opportunity to get to know each other physically. This is once again an area that needs prayerful consideration. It is normal for there to be a display of affection between two who have committed themselves to each other; yet there is need for self-control and restraint. As in all the other areas we have discussed we should seek to honour the Lord and so live for His glory. Let us be wise in these matters and seek guidance to act in a manner that does not embarrass others or give a bad testimony. We must leave until marriage that freedom to enjoy all the privileges of physical closeness and union; we are forbidden to have intercourse outside of marriage and must not allow our physical emotions to control us. Such actions as staying unaccompanied in the same house should be avoided as they could lead to temptation and suspicion. "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5 v 22.

The more casual and free contact between the sexes, especially with the younger generation and the negative example of most of their peers of the world, can lead to carelessness and great dangers. God-fearing Job said: "I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?" (Job 31: 1). However, there are also over-sensitive and over-anxious Christians whose consciences are heavily burdened by involuntary looks and thoughts. I would like to remind such of the well-known words of Martin Luther which he wrote on this verse: "I cannot prevent a bird flying over my head, but what I can prevent is it building a nest in my hair or biting off my nose."