Is it right for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian?

Of all the unequal yokes that the believer can contract that of marriage is the most serious. Other partnerships may be dissolved by mutual consent, but marriage once embarked upon can only rightly be dissolved by the death of one of the contracting parties.

There are certain things we do not need to pray about. If a young man sets his affections on an unbelieving young woman there is no need to ask the Lord if it is His will that the marriage partnership should be contracted. The Scriptures plainly forbid it. “Only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39), is the plain injunction of Scripture. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14), is equally clear and emphatic.

"M. A. C." 2 Corinthians 6:14 is perfectly conclusive as to your case. We believe it to be a grievous sin for a Christian to marry an unconverted person; and we have known cases where persons having acted in wilful disobedience in this solemn matter were called to reap the most bitter fruit during the whole of their after life. We recently heard of an instance of a Christian girl, who, in the face of earnest advice and remonstrance persisted in marrying an unconverted man. What followed? They had not been long married when her husband reproached her for her inconsistency. Nor was this all. They had two children, who proved to be idiots, and kept up in the poor mother's ear the constant heartbreaking wail of idiocy. In short, her married life was one of untold anguish and misery. We believe her soul was restored, but she was made to feel the solemn force of those words, "Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap." Oh! dear friend, let nothing induce you to enter the marriage yoke with an unconverted person. Let not the devil cast dust in your eyes, and let not your own heart deceive you by the vain hope of doing your partner good. It is a deadly delusion. You will do him no good; but you will do yourself incalculable mischief; and, what is much worse, you will disobey and dishonour your Lord. How can you possibly expect to be the means of leading a soul into the way of truth, that very way which you yourself have deliberately abandoned in order to gain your own end, and gratify your natural affections? We feel bound, in faithfulness to the Lord and to you, to warn you, in the most solemn manner, not to proceed further in this matter, but, in the fear of God, break off this connection altogether. May God give you grace so to do.

Q. That a Christian is bound to abstain from marriage with an unbeliever is self-evident. But if the evil is done, what does scripture lay down as its remedy, or right dealing with it? F.F.

A. The word of the Lord enjoins (Hebrews 13:4), "Let marriage be honourable in all things," a very different thing from the A.V. which makes it a necessarily dignified status for any and everybody. It is a solemn exhortation that nothing should be done in the relationship inconsistent with its holy and intimate character, as well as implying honour due to the relationship in itself and in every way. For Christians 1 Corinthians 7:39 guards the limits of "will" with that sole worthy principle, "only in the Lord." The immediate application is to a widow marrying again; but it would be absurd to restrict it to her, or to doubt that it equally applies to any Christian woman or man.

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." 2 Corinthians 6 v 14 - and of course this must apply to courtship as well. We may think we can bring good out of our wrong action, but let us not be deceived, this has been the downfall of many young and older Christians. If all we are looking for is the physical and natural aspects of marriage we may be misguided into thinking that a non-Christian can provide this. Remember there is no true happiness and joy without Christ being the centre and He cannot bless us if we are disobedient. (This does not, of course, disallow His grace and forgiveness with us), but remember marriage is for life and a wrong step taken here is taken for life.

'Well', he said, 'you are doing the wrong thing, you ought not to be praying about it you ought to be obeying God's word. God's word says expressly that you should not be united to someone who is unconverted, because that is an unequal yoke (2 Cor.6:14). You are considering doing something that God expressly forbids. What do you want? Do you want God to change His mind? Do you want to pray to Him, until He says to you, 'It is all right for you to marry an unconverted person', when He says plainly in His word, 'If any Christian is to marry it is to be only in the Lord''?

In considering this great occasion four words have been much in my mind—“Only in the Lord.” They were written in reference to marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, and we should ask, What do they mean? They mean, of course, that the Christian man must choose a Christian woman as wife, and the Christian woman must choose a Christian man as husband. To do otherwise would be to transgress the word of the Lord, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.”

Examine the passage for a moment and see how this is so. We are not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers." The word "unequally" might more accurately be translated "diversely." It is an allusion to Deuteronomy 22:10 where it is forbidden to plough with such animals together as an ox and an ass. They are diverse in nature and hence thoroughly different in habits and gait. It would be an utter misfit and entail misery for both animals. Now there is a fundamental diversity of nature between the believer and the unbeliever, which forbids anything like a yoke between them. Of course we move amongst unbelievers and have much contact with them in our daily callings, and oftentimes even in the home. We are called upon to behave with the utmost grace and to let our light shine before them. But we are not to be yoked with them.

The question may be asked — What exactly constitutes a yoke? The following verses, containing a series of questions, help to answer this. "What fellowship … what communion … what concord … what part … what agreement?" These five words show what kind of thing is forbidden. Moreover they are followed by the positive instruction to "come out … be separate … touch not the unclean." — three other words which reinforce the five questions. We are not to involve ourselves in any fellowships or partnerships which would yoke us to unbelievers and commit us to the unclean things with which their world is filled. Without any question marriage is a yoke of that kind, and business partnership is another; and other things too come under the scope of this word. Again and again we have to ask ourselves when commitments are proposed to us — Will this thing involve me in an unequal yoke?

(Vv. 12-17). The Apostle then takes up the difficult position of a brother with an unbelieving wife, or the woman with an unbelieving husband. Here he gives his advice. This does not contemplate for a moment the case of a believer marrying an unbeliever, which is clearly contrary to the mind of the Lord (2 Cor. 6:14). Here it is the case of mixed marriages, where one of the parties has been converted after the marriage. In this case the believer is not defiled by union with the unbeliever. On the contrary the unbeliever is sanctified and the children holy. Here the sanctification and the holiness do not signify a spiritual condition that puts them in relationship with God, but rather that through the believer the relationship is clean and owned of God, so that the believer can continue in it. If, however, the unbeliever departs, the believer is released from the bondage of being tied to an unbeliever and is not to raise any dispute with the one that has departed, for we are called to peace. This does not give the believer any licence to break the tie by departing from the unbeliever, nor does it grant the abandoned believer permission to remarry. So far from the believer separating from the unbeliever, the brother or sister is to remain at all cost in the relationship, counting upon God for the salvation of the unbeliever. There will thus be submission to what the Lord has allowed, and a walk in accord with His will. This, too, we are reminded, is the order for all the assemblies; thus ecclesiastical independency is shut out. The assemblies are not independent companies, each left free to adopt its own practices. The word of God is still our only guide, and assemblies walking in the light of the word will be united in submitting to its instructions.

The close of the chapter takes up widows especially and is a remarkable instance of opposition between the apostle's mind and the church councils which dared to treat a widow's marrying as so evil that the church had to refuse its sanction and prayers. The marriage tie of believers is for life. Death separates. Not only the widower but the widow becomes thus free to marry again. But the apostle gives his judgment against it: not on moral grounds, of which only superstition could raise a question, but as the happier state to abide in. Even here we have no such language as sprang up later when celibacy was cried up as the highest of christian virtues, and re-marriage was denounced as unchristian. On the contrary, even for the widow, the apostle qualifies her marrying again "only in the Lord:" a phrase which goes farther than the fact that both are Christians and demands that it be after a christian sort. Yet here again the apostle points out what he judged more expedient on spiritual grounds. Had others given a different opinion? He, if any man might, gives his judgment as one who thought he had God's Spirit. He was inspired to put it thus, not as if he were of doubtful mind, but as avoiding an express command from the Lord, and rather as a matter of apostolic counsel.

Such an action certainly shows the seriousness of the evil of sinful associations. We must not diminish the seriousness of this, though in our day, under grace, we cannot require the putting away of wives, though they are not saved. The nations Israel was involving themselves with were actually demon worshipers, so that God had absolutely forbidden any marriages with them. Believers today are not under such a law, though they are told, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Cor. 6:14). If they disobey this scripture, they are not told to put away the unbeliever, but rather, "a wife is not to depart from her husband" (1 Cor. 7:10), though "if the unbeliever departs, let him depart" (1 Cor. 7:15). Once the marriage is consummated, the believer is not free before God to leave it except in the case of the partner being unfaithful (Mt. 19:9). Today, a believer who marries an unbeliever must learn by experience the painful results of this disobedience, rather than being relieved of such results.