Is it appropriate for a woman to propose to a man?

In Proverbs 30 Agur talks about three things that are too wonderful for him; one of these is "the way of a man with a maid"! The romance of choosing a partner and the way this happens to us as guided by God is something very special for the different individuals involved. Our Lord spent all night in prayer before He chose His disciples; and to be guided into the will of God we need to be similarly exercised in prayer.

There is a different role for the man and the woman in these things. The man has the responsibility to take the initiative, the woman has the responsibility to respond, or not, as the Lord may lead. The man therefore has the duty to wait patiently upon the Lord before intervening in the life of a sister; and the woman to prayerfully wait upon the Lord to provide her with His choice.

But Othniel overcame this obstacle. He was not going to be overcome by man's boasted knowledge, however great it was, he overcame, and in overcoming he got a wonderful blessing. It is a marvellous thing to have a good wife, a wife with spiritual desires, and that is what Othniel found, a woman who was ardent in desiring blessing; she asked Othniel to ask her father a blessing, and we get the impression that perhaps Othniel was a little slow, so she jumped down herself and she went to her father and asked this blessing. "Give me a blessing," she said, "give me also springs of water" (v.15). What a wonderful woman to have as a companion, one who was ardent in desire, one who knew what to ask for, something worthwhile.

Rebekah's relatives pleaded for delay, and so often do the relatives of believers today, and if we have no relatives to do this our own foolish hearts will do it even more effectively. The servant, however, would brook no delay, so the question was put to Rebekah, for the ultimate decision rested with her — "Wilt thou go with this man?" Was she prepared to entrust herself to the servant, who was acting on behalf of Isaac, and to do so at once? Her answer was simple and decisive — "I will go."

In full faith of the blessing, and that Boaz would, as Naomi had expected, tell her what she was to do, Ruth enters on the plan prescribed to her for acquiring Boaz as her husband. In all this Naomi and Ruth were as one — the one by counsel, the other in action, helping forward the common blessing. Thus Ruth now hearkens to the counsel of Naomi, goes down to the threshing-floor and does accordingly. There she seeks a pledge from Boaz. She comes to trust in the shadow of his wing. She would have him spread his skirt over her, doing for her the full services of her near kinsman. She trespasses as far as faith warrants her, but no farther; for Boaz, as they judged, was the nearest kinsman on whom it lay to repair the ruins of Elimelech's house; and thus Ruth is strong in faith, and seeks the blessing confidently, but withal humbly and graciously. And her faith is rewarded; according to it is it done to her. She finds no terrors in this "mighty man of wealth," but all is the law of kindness. For though he cannot acknowledge that he is the first bound to her as under the law of the next kinsman, yet he blesses her in the name of the Lord as his daughter — his adopted one, pledges to her his love, vindicates her, and is her ready debtor in grace to do all that she required. Tenderness and delicacy mark all their intercourse through the night, confidence on her part, and full grace and readiness of love on his; and in the morning he dismisses her with tokens of his affection and care. And laden with these she returns to Naomi, and they rejoice together. Naomi again, in counsel, interprets all the ways of this mighty kinsman, assuring Ruth that he "will not be at rest" until he have perfected his kindness to her.

In all this, we are given clearly to trace the coming ways of God with Israel. Of old He had sought them; He found them in a desert land, He led them about, till He made them to ride on the high places of the earth. This was their time of love. Unsought He then took Israel for His inheritance, and spread His wings over them. "When I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold thy time was the time of love; and I spread My skirt over thee and covered thy nakedness; yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee" (Ezek. 16:8). But in the latter day, the Lord must be sought unto, as Ruth now seeks Boaz, and as He witnesses by His prophets. "I will go and return to My place; till they acknowledge their offence, and seek My face: in their affliction they will seek Me early" (Hosea 5:15). Then shall ye call upon Me, and ye shall go and pray unto Me, when ye shall search for Me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:12). And again, "I will yet for this be enquired of by the house of Israel, to do it for them; I will increase them with men like a flock" (Ezek. 36:37). Then Israel, like Ruth and Naomi, shall encourage themselves in the Lord, shall seek the shelter of His wing again, and the covering of His skirt again, and plead with Him for His land and for His people — the remnant shall return unto the mighty God of Jacob. And the confidence and delicacy of her approach, and his ready acknowledgement of her virtuous and worthy name, which we have observed, sets forth something of the way between the Lord and His Jewish remnant in the days when she is waiting for Him, and desiring to be taken into His banqueting house, and have Him perform all the part of a kinsman for her. The book of Canticles, in its full prophetic import, appears to exhibit the same in beautiful mystical characters. Confidence in His love and yet tenderness and humility will surely mark the path of the spirit of His waiting Israel then.

But this is a digression. Though all land was to revert every fiftieth year to the family to which it had belonged, it could be bought back, or redeemed by any of the family or their relatives, before that time. See Leviticus 25:23-28. Naomi therefore, as it would seem, being compelled to sell, hoped that one of her kinsmen would buy or redeem it. Boaz, the mighty man of wealth, was one of her nearest kinsmen, and she evidently looked upon him as one likely to redeem it for her. And there was another question involved: the law laid it down that if a man died childless his nearest relative or “brother” was expected to marry his widow, and the first-born of the union was to be called after the deceased, so that his name should not perish, or be cut off, in Israel. See Deuteronomy 25:5-10. So the near kinsman would have a double duty to perform; he would not only be expected, if able, to redeem the land, but also to marry Mahlon’s widow. So, instructed by her mother-in-law, Ruth, anointed and adorned, goes to the threshing-floor of Boaz where he was winnowing barley. If he continued his work well on into the night it was to take advantage of the wind, probably. And when he lays himself down to rest at the end of the heap of grain, Ruth draws trustfully near and lays herself meekly and modestly at his feet. “And it came to pass: at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself; and, behold, a woman lay at his feet. And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thy handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thy handmaid ; for thou art a near kinsman.” It is an Oriental courtship, and strange and unbecoming as Ruth’s conduct might appear in the eyes of Westerns, it was considered perfectly proper in the “days when the judges ruled,” and would be considered so still in the East, we suppose. Her asking Boaz to spread his skirt over her indicated to him that she was willing to become his wife (see Ezek. 16:8). And though she is but a poor widow of Gentile origin, Boaz expresses himself as quite agreeable to the proposal. He says, “Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast showed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.” He means by this last (“all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman”) that he understood her motives perfectly. He had not the slightest question as to the purity of her design in coming to the floor thus at night, and he graciously promises to perform for her all that she desires. He says, “Thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich.” How is it with you, believer in Christ? What are you following, or with whom do you have fellowship? Ruth, (as it became a widow) lived a life of retiring modesty and separation. And Christians are called to walk in separation from this world’s principles and pleasures. “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world,” writes the beloved John. “For all that is in the world,” he says, “is not of the Father but is of the world.” The young men, poor and rich, from whom Ruth kept herself, are like the things of the world of which John speaks. The poor young men would be like those coarser and gross pleasures from which it is comparatively easy to keep oneself, if saved. “The lust of the flesh,” John calls them. But he speaks, too, of “the pride of life” which would answer more to the rich young men. These would be of special temptation to a poor young woman like Ruth, and it is of the more refined and subtle forms of worldliness that Christians have most to beware. Almost any Christian would shrink from attending a public ball, or witnessing a sensational play or reading a French novel, but Satan is cunning and he has ready for our enticement that which awakens the “desires of the mind,” if he cannot allure through “the lusts of the flesh.” Both forms of depravity are mentioned in Ephesians 2:3. They are equally destructive of holiness, and the devil does not care one whit which he uses to hinder our communion with God or mar our testimony for Christ. Oh saint of God, shun, avoid, eschew whatever is not of Christ or the Father! Follow not these “young men whether poor or rich.” Boaz says to Ruth, “Thou shalt keep fast by my young men, until they have ended all my harvest” (chap. 2:21). And the apostle exhorts by the Spirit, “Follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22). “And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter-in-law, It is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field. So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz to glean unto the end of barley harvest and of wheat harvest” (chap. 2:22-23). Oh, for grace to persevere in the path of separation to the end.

And now Boaz speaks to Ruth. She has done nothing. but place herself under his protection, "And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth (which means "beauty") thine handmaid; spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid, for thou art a near kinsman. And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter, for thou hast showed more kindness at the latter end than at the beginning." How the Lord de. lights to have a soul in living contact with Him. self. He says, "Thou hast showed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning." What does he mean by that? Why, in the 2nd chapter she had gone into the field merely as a gleaner, and there had met Boaz. Now she had gone straight to him, confided in him, put her case entirely into his hands. "Take charge of all my affairs, I claim thy care," she seems to say, "thou art a near kinsman," that is, the heart claims Christ, and cannot do without Christ.

Ruth, having received the parched corn and being temporarily satisfied thereby, is now counselled by Naomi to keep fast by the maidens of Boaz, and she herself pledges to seek rest for Ruth that it may be well with her (3:1). She told her further how, according to the custom of the land, to approach Boaz with a view to his fulfilling for her the part of a kinsman redeemer, and Ruth's response from her heart is, "All that thou sayest unto me I willdo." Note the "I will" about it. Her will gives the final choice, and we next see her at the feet of Boaz, who assures her heart with these gracious words, "Fear not, I will do to thee all that thou requirest" (3:11).

Naomi's plan, founded upon divine ordinances (Lev. 25:23-28; Deut. 25:5-10), was made in all good faith, believing that Boaz was the kinsman whose bounden duty it was, according to the law, to undertake the recovery of the lapsed inheritance, and to marry her daughter-in-law, Ruth. She had confidence that Boaz, having shown himself to be a God-fearing man, would not hesitate to accept this responsibility, and also that he would, as she said to Ruth, "show thee what thou shalt do" (3:4). "And she went down to the floor, and did according to all that her mother-in-law had bidden her. And Boaz ate and drank, and his heart was merry, and he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn. Then she went softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid herself down. And it came to pass at midnight that the man was startled, and turned himself; and behold, a woman lay at his feet. And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth, thy handmaid; spread thy skirt (wing) over thy handmaid; for thou hast the right of redemption" (Ruth 3:6-9).

At the close of the day, Boaz ate his food with a "merry" heart, that is, with the "joy in harvest" (Isa. 9:3) that came to him because God had so blessed his ploughing and sowing. "Merry" does not, either here or in Luke 15:24, imply an excess of conviviality. At midnight Boaz was startled to find a woman lying under the mantle covering his feet. This was the moment for Ruth to present her plea. She owned herself to be the unworthy gleaner to whom Boaz had been so kind. She was now seeking his protection as a poor widow and the daughter-in-law of a poor widow. She had come to him because he was their family relative, and had the right of redemption. She cast herself unreservedly upon his mercy and his favour. She knew he had the power to redeem; was not his name Boaz, the strong and wealthy one? She trusted that he was willing as well as able to redeem.

"Spread thy skirt (wing) over thy handmaid" is to be understood not literally but figuratively. Ruth desired his protection. When danger threatens the defenceless brood, the hen gathers her chickens under her wings (Matt. 23:37). When David was fleeing from Saul, he took refuge in the shadow of the wings of his God (Ps. 57:1; see also Ps. 36:7; Ps. 61:4; Ps. 91:4). It may also be recalled that in the harvest field, Boaz had used this very metaphor in welcoming Ruth as a gleaner, saying, "Jehovah recompense thy work, and let thy reward be full from Jehovah the God of Israel, under Whose wings thou art come to take refuge" (2:12). Did Ruth allude especially to these words of Boaz, when she pleaded, "Spread thy wing over thy handmaid"? It might well have been so, for the words of her lips expressed the faith of her heart that the "wing" of Boaz might be the agent of the sheltering "wings" of Jehovah.

Verses 36-38. "But if any one think that he is behaving uncomely toward his virgin," etc. The doctrine of these verses seems to be as follows: Paul had distinctly affirmed the excellency of single in comparison with married life, dwelling more especially upon the case of virgins. Now a virgin is at the disposal of her parent. Should he, then, determine not to give her away in marriage? That, he affirms, would, as a rule, be the better way. (v. 38.) But arbitrary decisions, which are established only by the sacrifice of others' happiness, are never pleasing in the sight of God. There must be no tears upon His altars.4 Let the Christian father, then, have due respect to the affections of his child. He should, indeed, commend to her the higher path; but let him not turn a privilege into a punishment, by condemning her to an unwilling celibacy. It were less comely to be a repining virgin than a rejoicing bride. Let him act, then, in such a case, as nature prompts, and God allows. Parental authority should never be so exercised as to provoke a just anger in the child.5 There is no sin in this question, and God is to be remembered in His gifts.6 Let them marry. But where the daughter is willing to remain a virgin, and no moral necessity dissuades the parent from the "better "course, let not the ordinary objects of matrimonial alliance, such as provision for life, advancement in the world, etc., be listened to by a Christian parent in the interests of his child. She cannot elsewhere fill so honourable a place as that of an undistracted handmaid of the Lord. Let her parent prefer this for her, while he has the liberty of choice. But the engagement of her affections to another would be a necessity to which he ought to yield, and in giving her in marriage in such case he would be doing well. He would do better to withhold her than to give her, if no will but his own had to be sacrificed; but his virgin must not be his victim also.

Do we trust ourselves to choose for ourselves? Do we consider that we deserve a good partner? Are we anxious before a certain age to find someone we deem suitable? Are we inclined to make a marriage agreement by asking certain promises of another? None of these things express faith in the Living God and His guidance, and are sure to lead us into paths we shall regret.