How to forgive someone according to the Bible

The immensity of the truths thus unfolded evidently penetrated Peter's soul as he heard them, and the desire to clearly know the extent of the responsibility of acting in grace, where a brother was in question, led to his query, "Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?" The largest idea of grace that Peter had was "till seven times." That certainly was beyond the day of law, — which demanded righteousness, and knew naught of forgiveness, — and may be beyond the practical state of many of our souls, but it will not do for Christ. Peter's question was this: Suppose my brother sins against me, over and over again, how often am I to forgive him? The Lord's answer was: "I say not to thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven." Under the reign of law forgiveness was unknown, it was "an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth"; but in the kingdom of heaven, and under the rule of a rejected, a heavenly Christ, forgiveness takes its character from Him, and is to be unlimited. The Lord insists that practically there is to be no limit to it. It is to flow out constantly. It is the reflection of God's own ways with man.

It must be remembered that this is a question of sin against us, not against the Lord. The Church cannot forgive any sin against the Lord until He has forgiven it, and He only forgives on the confession of sin. But, as believers, we are to forgive each other unlimitedly. "Till seventy times seven" is to be the Christian's motto in this respect. This is really divine. God will not be outdone in forgiveness; but even a man on earth — a saint, of course — is called on to forgive after this heavenly pattern. May we all learn so to walk. If we only did so walk, what joy would fill our own souls, and what happy assemblies of saints would be everywhere found. Alas! we are very few of us up even to Peter's "seven times." We think we do well if we forgive once or twice; anything beyond that could not reasonably be expected of us. Peter's question, however, reveals an altogether different line of conduct to be the command of our Lord. May we each one heed it.

Verse 3. But suppose a person does something to stumble you, what then? "Take heed to yourselves." Your part is to forgive. Take heed to yourselves, jealous and self-judging. "If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him." What! if he trespass often - "seven times in a day?" Yes, if he "seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him." Watch incessantly yourselves and see to it that the spirit of love (the power of unity and the bond of perfectness, as we know from elsewhere) be not broken, nor the spirit of holiness, that the peace be not false. Blessed path! what condescension to our weakness and danger in the introduction of grace, and the moral judgment of present things, which are the aliment of the flesh and the domain of the world! Watchfulness against self and grace to others bring us through, rising like a life-boat above all breakers.

It is noteworthy that personal trespass between brother and brother is the first disturbing element mentioned in Scripture in connection with the gathering together of the saints to the name of the Lord Jesus, and He proceeds to lay down in the most simple and explicit manner what is to be our line of conduct under such circumstances. Let us carefully consider these important communications. "If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone." Mark well, in the first place, there is to be no making light of the trespass: "Tell him his fault." In the gospel of Luke (Luke 17:3) it is even stated more strongly than this: "If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him: and if he repent, forgive him." The natural course might be to avoid him, and to say nothing to him about his fault; or we might be determined in our own mind to bear the injury in longsuffering towards the offender, and, as it is sometimes expressed, "try to live it down." Such might at first sight seem very plausible, and have the appearance of grace on my part; but it omits one all-important item of consideration; viz., the spiritual condition of my offending brother; and whoever may commend it, it is certainly not the Lord's way of treating the matter. Besides, staying away from my brother might leave a tinge of bad feeling in my own heart; and even if it did not, am I to rest while knowing that the conscience of my erring brother is defiled? (See Lev. 19:17.) No. I am to go and plainly lay his fault before him; for if he is to be truly recovered it must be through the exercise of conscience and the judgment of his state before God. "Go and tell him his fault" are words that cannot very well be mistaken. It is not even, "Go and write him a note." Alas! who can measure the mischief that has come in among God's people by this very thing, either through ignorance of the Lord's mind about such matters, or through failing to act upon it when known. To send what I think a very faithful letter may both spare my feelings and suit my pride; but He who knows us far, far better than we know ourselves says plainly, "Go and TELL him his fault."

The connection and meaning of this passage are very interesting. The Lord had just been teaching the solemnity of being a cause of stumbling to one of His "little ones," and that, to avoid this, we must take heed to ourselves, so that we may never be weary of forgiving our brother if he trespass against us. Rebuke him we may, and should; but if he repent, he is instantly to be forgiven; and if he trespass against us seven times a day, and says on each occasion, "I repent," forgiveness is never to be wanting. This is grace. God never wearies in forgiving us when we confess our sins, and we, as exponents of His heart, are to exhibit the same readiness to forgive the sins of our brother. (Compare Matt. 18:21-22.) The apostles evidently failed to comprehend the far-reaching character of this instruction, and yet as evidently felt their need of something more than they had hitherto received if they were to carry it out in practice. They thus interposed with the prayer, "Lord, increase our faith." In answer to this, the Lord, while graciously recognizing the need that turned to Him, reminds them that it is not so much a question of the increase of their faith, as the exercise of what they already possessed.* "If," He says, "ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you." Now a mustard seed is the "least of all seeds" (Matt. 13:32); and consequently our Lord teaches that all the power of God is linked with the exercise of the smallest degree of faith; that faith, be it small or be it great, takes hold upon omnipotent power; and hence it is that "all things are possible to him that believeth." The father, for example, who cried, "Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief," received the answer in the healing of his child, equally with the centurion whose faith surpassed that of any in Israel. (Mark 9:24; Luke 7:7-9.) E. D.

Yet this does not mean that we should never speak to our brother for fear of stumbling him. The very opposite: if he should go astray into sin, we are to rebuke him, and immediately he repents forgive him; and this, even if it should repeatedly happen. We might imagine that we should run the risk of stumbling him by rebuking him, but we should really do so by not rebuking him. It is of course assumed that the rebuke is administered not in human anger but in the power of Divine love.

Scripture, however, let it be carefully noted, indicates a condition. An easy going forgiveness would do grave moral injury. We read, “If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4).

There is a condition necessary to forgiveness, and that is repentance. That is, indeed the principle of divine forgiveness. There is no forgiveness with God except through repentance. It is very evident that one who trespasses, and who is not repentant, has no desire for forgiveness, is not in the right spirit to receive it. Repentance is the moral foundation on which forgiveness can be rightly given and rightly received.

This same truth is found in more than one of the epistles. Paul, writing to the Ephesians, says, "Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ hath forgiven you. Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children." (Eph. 4:32; Eph. 5:1.) It is not as in our version, "as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you," but as we have given it, "as God in Christ." For the apostle here presents God in the riches of His grace, acting, without motive, except in Himself, and needing therefore no inducement to forgiveness; but acting solely from His own heart — these forms of display being but the manifestation of what He is as seen in redemption. But he presents Him in this way as our standard, and hence he says, "Be ye imitators of God as beloved children." As in the gospels, so here, the children are desired to present in their conduct the character of God as their Father. And thereon the apostle shows us God as love, and God as light — the two words which tell out all that God is; and he says to us, "You are also to display love and light." Thus he says, "Walk in love," (v. 2); and, "walk as children of light." (v. 8.) Christ Himself is brought in as the example of love in His having loved us, and given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savour; for in this act of sacrifice He is the expression of the whole heart of God. And inasmuch as we are now light in the Lord we are to walk as children of light, and the fruit of the light (it is light, not Spirit) is in all goodness, and righteousness, and truth — in such a walk proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

We may well, in the face of such scriptures, challenge ourselves as to whether these desires of God for us are sufficiently borne in mind. The temptation to measure ourselves by one another is so great that we cannot be too frequently reminded that God Himself, according to what He is as displayed in redemption as love and light, is our standard for walk and conduct. And with what motives are we herein furnished to become imitators of God as beloved children! Thus, for example, we are to forgive one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us; we are to act from our own hearts in grace, even as God acted in our salvation — seeking no motive outside of ourselves (save indeed in the God of our salvation), but finding our delight in the expression of that unspeakable grace of which we ourselves have been the subjects. It is, however, by no means intended that we should always pronounce our forgiveness to those who have sinned against us; but as to our own feelings we are ever to be in a state of forgiveness. We are never to retain inwardly the sin of a brother. However we may be sinned against, before God we are instantly to forgive; and then, as already explained, when the one who has committed the wrong, as our Lord taught Peter, comes and says, "I repent" (Luke 17), forgiveness is to be granted him. God Himself acts in this manner. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." and we, because His children, are to act on the same principle. Grace retains nothing, always forgives; but for the offender's own sake, for the glory of God indeed in the first place, it waits for the sinner's self-judgment before it openly absolves from the sin.

This may be illustrated from other scriptures. The apostle Paul writes, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel" (complaint) "against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." (Col. 3:13) The Lord says, "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." (Luke 17:3-4.) From the first of these passages we learn that we must always cherish a spirit of forgiveness, that whenever we have a complaint against anyone we must in our hearts hold him as forgiven; and from the second we gather when the forgiveness is to be expressed; viz., on the confession of the sin on the part of the one against whom our complaint lies. So with respect to love. Nothing will justify our ceasing to love our brethren; but the love can only be exhibited in the channel of obedience to the word of God. If therefore a saint of God is living in manifest disobedience, I dare not associate myself with him in his disobedience, or I should falsify the whole principle of love as here laid down for our guidance and instruction.

Here the Lord lets the disciples425 know the certainty of stumbling-blocks in such a world as this, and the awful doom of those who cause them. "It would be more profitable426 for him if a millstone were hanged about his neck and he were cast into the sea," (Cf. Matt. 18:6f.) says the Lord about any one so offending others. Hence we have to take heed to ourselves, as His disciples; and while guarding against being caused to stumble by others, we have to cherish the grace of God which is as essential to Christianity as the law was to the Jews as their rule. "Take heed to yourselves; if thy brother should sin, rebuke him; and if he should repent, forgive him." (Matt. 18:15.) It supposes that there is an evil course and current in the world, which may affect every one's brother; but grace is never intended to weaken the moral reprobation of what is evil. "If thy brother should sin, rebuke him; and if he should repent, forgive him." "Millstone": so Edd. after ℵBDL, 1, 69, Old Lat. Memph. Arm. In Matt. 18:6, and Mark 9:42, it is "millstone turned by an ass," as here in A, etc., Syrr..

Repentance is a great word, altogether contrary to the bent of human will. Man may make efforts, but will never repent. Only grace gives real repentance, which, when used in its proper sense, means simply and invariably the judgment of self. Now, this man will never bend to. Amends he may offer, he may endeavour to do good, and repair the evil: but to own self thoroughly wrong without qualification, reserve, or endeavouring to throw the blame on others, is never the nature of man, but the result of the working of Divine grace, and true, therefore, of every soul that is truly renewed. It is impossible for a sinner to be brought to God without repentance. Faith, no doubt, is the spring of all; it alone gives power by the revelation of grace in the person and work of Christ; but repentance is the invariable consequence or concomitant. And so it is in particular cases, as here in trespass, as, "If he should repent, forgive him." This was more especially needful to urge on a Jew, accustomed as he was to severity. And further, grace would hinder one from being wearied any more by ill-doing in others than in well-doing on our part. "If he should sin against thee seven times in the day, and seven times† should return to thee, saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him." (Matt. 18:21f.) It is seven times as showing the failure complete, and in a day, too, as adding to the trial. To men's minds this would indicate the hopelessness of any good in forgiveness. But it is so that God deals with us: He is unwearied in His grace. If it were not so, it would be all over with us, not only when in our sins but even as believers.426a "Sin." DXΓΔ, etc., most cursives (33, 69), add "against thee," which Edd. omit, following ℵABL, 1, Syrr. Amiat. Memph. †"Seven times (second time). AGD, etc., most cursives, Syrr. Amiat. Aeth. add "in the day"; rejected by Edd. after ℵBDLX, most Old Lat. Memph. Arm.

But whence do occasions of stumbling most arise? To answer that, must we not ask, to what, then; above all are we witnesses? Failure here will surely be the gravest, as it will be that also of which men will most take note, and which the arch-plotter will seek most of all to get us into. Scripture, then, teaches us that we are to "show forth," even "in the ages to come the exceeding riches of God's grace." Grace characterizes the dispensation; as in contrast with law, the rule of the schoolmaster which preceded this (Gal. 3:24-25). What, then, can be so great a failure as to fail in grace? It is to this, then; that the Lord goes on with an emphatic "take heed to yourselves:" "If thy brother sin against thee, reprove him; and if he repent, forgive him." Some of the earliest MSS. omit "against thee," with several of the earliest versions; and yet it seems plain that it should be at least understood: for it is only a personal offence that we can individually forgive; and it is just these personal offences that we most betray inability to deal with aright.

Love is to act in the reproof; and this is cared for by the spirit of forgiveness enjoined; while the holiness of grace is seen in the condition of repentance. But if it were seven times a day he sinned, and seven times a day he turned, saying, I repent, he must be forgiven. This, of course, could not happen in a case of discipline in the assembly, where fitness for the table and the fellowship of the whole are involved, and where the authority of the Lord in the assembly is to be maintained. Individually we have no such authority over one another, and the service of love is the best constraint that can be used.